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Post by malibu on Jul 21, 2016 7:27:06 GMT -5
Question came up after reading the thread Dev's knowledge and experience as support for PWDs . How do you guys feel about devs who have never been with a PWD, are you a bit more worried or doesn´t it matter much? Also, do you feel more comfortable with devs who have a lot of knowledge? Despite all my curiosity, I admit I didn´t research much. I always thought that the guys would tell me what´s important to know, but now I suppose that they assume I know it all?  Devs, do you have any tips? I´m always resistent to make random researches as the internet is full of inconsistencies, mistakes and things I would not need to know or see. EDIT: reading the threads here on PD, I guess it´s impossible to keep my ignorance of a completely disastrous level...  |
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Post by dannyboy95 on Jul 21, 2016 7:50:31 GMT -5
Question came up after reading the thread Dev's knowledge and experience as support for PWDs . How do you guys feel about devs who have never been with a PWD, are you a bit more worried or doesn´t it matter much? Also, do you feel more comfortable with devs who have a lot of knowledge? Despite all my curiosity, I admit I didn´t research much. I always thought that the guys would tell me what´s important to know, but now I suppose that they assume I know it all? Devs, do you have any tips? I´m always resistent to make random researches as the internet is full of inconsistencies, mistakes and things I would not need to know or see. EDIT: reading the threads here on PD, I guess it´s impossible to keep my ignorance of a completely disastrous level... PWDs will not expect you to know everything about their disability. They do not need you to be their nurse/doctor/caretaker. In case you do not know certain things they will tell you once it is due and you ask. But if you do some reading and research before hand and know a thing or two it might help you understand better and make things easier for both of you. So by all means don't be ignorant and try to put some efford into your inter-human relationships. |
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Post by lars on Jul 21, 2016 7:52:17 GMT -5
A bit of inexperience can be very hot and in the best case scenario, very romantic, too. In the context of devs in general, I think it's more often likely than not that even the baby devs have done their share of research as well.
Real life experience and being well prepared by research are two different things, but as for me, a dev having done her research well to begin with indeed made things more comfortable. Lots of guys with a spinal cord injury struggle with some insecurities over how much their bodies have changed, as well as struggling with some deep scars to their sexuality.
When it comes to devs, I do assume that they've done their research.
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cooks
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Post by cooks on Jul 21, 2016 11:06:49 GMT -5
...but now I suppose that they assume I know it all? I wouldn't worry about anyone here assuming you know it all...  Kidding aside, levels of experience don't concern me if I'm with a dev. I don't mind explaining what needs to be explained and as lars says, this process can be a big turn on. Even if the dev does have experience with disabled guys, they'll still need (and probably want?) a walkthrough of my particular... range of motion. Research (outside of PD) gives only the vaguest idea of how diagnoses are actually embodied. |
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Post by FlyingBert on Jul 21, 2016 13:04:51 GMT -5
...but now I suppose that they assume I know it all? I wouldn't worry about anyone here assuming you know it all... Kidding aside, levels of experience don't concern me if I'm with a dev. I don't mind explaining what needs to be explained and as lars says, this process can be a big turn on. Even if the dev does have experience with disabled guys, they'll still need (and probably want?) a walkthrough of my particular... range of motion. Research (outside of PD) gives only the vaguest idea of how diagnoses are actually embodied. I'm agree with the cowboy. |
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Post by JW on Jul 21, 2016 13:20:13 GMT -5
I always thought that the guys would tell me what´s important to know, but now I suppose that they assume I know it all? Don't worry about guys thinking you know it all. It's almost impossible to know it all.... plus all disabilities and injury levels are different. I can tell you that even among paraplegics and quadriplegics, no one can fully understand what the other person is going through or what their experience is, even if they have a similar injury level. I have yet to meet anyone who has the exact same injury as me and even the guys who are close to my level seem to have somewhat less or more function in one way or another (and injury level makes all the difference in the world). There is no one size fits all when it comes to disability. There are some things I still don't understand... an if I don't understand it, I certainly don't expect any woman I meet to know or understand everything that is going on either. |
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Michael
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Hi, my name is Michael, looking to chat...
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Post by Michael on Jul 21, 2016 15:16:39 GMT -5
If I was to meet a DEV who has not had any experience with a PWD, I’d still be keen and not as cautious / worried as I was with my previous two long term non DEV relationships. Mainly because I don’t think a DEV would be too perturbed at my personal requirements. Am I right DEV’s? However, I’d never assume this.
This might sound negative to a DEV who hasn’t been with a PWD (sorry, I don’t mean to) but I’d love to meet a DEV who has had first-hand experience. I’d consider it a massive advantage, to be able to start a potential relationship without having to explain about my bladder / bowel management or ED.
I am pretty sure, that after vising the various threads on PD, that I’d feel extremely comfortable meeting a DEV and the more knowledge they processed the better! x
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Post by newjess on Jul 21, 2016 18:09:47 GMT -5
I've found it also varies hugely how much the guy will like or want you helping with things. Some insist on holding a door open for me and not being pushed AT ALL, whilst another would happily be pushed up every little incline there is. So in this respect there will always be some awkwardness initially until each other's actions become an unspoken known quantity. The same as in any other relationship on earth. Yes!! So much this. The beginning of a relationship is aaallwaaayyyss awkward I don't care who you are lol. There is a process in getting to know each other, definitely. I can certainly admit there were times when first entering the PWD dating world that I thought I would make a huge ass out of myself (both in just terms of dating in general and in terms of dating a PWD), and I definitely DID make an ass out of myself.. but it all worked out and in the end you just have to laugh about it and not take it too seriously. Just have to have the courage to put yourself out there and not be too hard on yourself! It's all a learning process. I am so glad you said this @inkdevil ! |
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Post by newjess on Jul 21, 2016 18:39:50 GMT -5
Thanks newjess :-) I think that if the guy oozes self-confidence this negates a lot of the awkwardness. I had heaps of times with the ex where situations could have felt awkward, but he was relaxed about things and so, taking his lead, I could be too. For instance, him letting out the longest fart in the history of mankind on one of our early dates, whilst transferring into a taxi, could have been super-awkward. But both of us just looked at each other and laughed. It was the taxi driver who looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him up. Mind you, it did smell bad. This made us laugh even harder. LOLLLLL.... oh man... It's not possible to put into words how hard this made me laugh  I am all about getting the first fart out of the way by the third date lol. If they can't handle a fart they DEFINITELY can't handle me lol. Not that I fart an obscene amount... but... well you know what I mean haha  |
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Post by Hopper on Jul 21, 2016 18:51:19 GMT -5
I'm gentlemanly enough to never fart in the presence of a Lady. Not to her knowledge at least, always keep it silent. Is a lack of experience scary? No, not at all. A stigma against inexperience or a refusal to support someone throughout this new experience for someone is scary however. |
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Post by harmonniousvision on Jul 21, 2016 19:34:08 GMT -5
If I was to meet a DEV who has not had any experience with a PWD, I’d still be keen and not as cautious / worried as I was with my previous two long term non DEV relationships. Mainly because I don’t think a DEV would be too perturbed at my personal requirements. Am I right DEV’s? However, I’d never assume this. This might sound negative to a DEV who hasn’t been with a PWD (sorry, I don’t mean to) but I’d love to meet a DEV who has had first-hand experience. I’d consider it a massive advantage, to be able to start a potential relationship without having to explain about my bladder / bowel management or ED. I am pretty sure, that after vising the various threads on PD, that I’d feel extremely comfortable meeting a DEV and the more knowledge they processed the better! x i will say don't judge a dev by her prior experience... or hands on experience.... i've never touched a quad in my life (for shame) but wouldn't bat an eye at or need an explanation of anything cuz I've read and discussed it with many... Well enough to write about it convincingly (with some killer help and guidance) Obviously what you read and what you've experienced differ greatly but most of the times a dev is going to know at least the bsics... She'll have to learn particulars but she'll know the basics, one would hope. |
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Post by harmonniousvision on Jul 21, 2016 19:50:31 GMT -5
Question came up after reading the thread Dev's knowledge and experience as support for PWDs . How do you guys feel about devs who have never been with a PWD, are you a bit more worried or doesn´t it matter much? Also, do you feel more comfortable with devs who have a lot of knowledge? Despite all my curiosity, I admit I didn´t research much. I always thought that the guys would tell me what´s important to know, but now I suppose that they assume I know it all? Devs, do you have any tips? I´m always resistent to make random researches as the internet is full of inconsistencies, mistakes and things I would not need to know or see. EDIT: reading the threads here on PD, I guess it´s impossible to keep my ignorance of a completely disastrous level... I think in your case Malibu you shouldn't feel inadequate or like a "bad dev" some guys might really like teaching you... you might enjoy learning. A lot of us have limited real life hands on experience, its just going to depend on the guy. In some cases depending on what they know about devs they may expect you to know stuff but some also expect to have to teach to some degree. I would assume if they feel like you need to be taught it could be a surprise to them and bring about some fear of acceptance they didn't think they'd experience with a dev, but if you don't want to learn and research there's no rulebook that says you have to. If you do research choose reputable sources most disabilities have major websites with information available explaining how they work. Also, realize that what you read on the internet is a broad definition and the finer details are going to be different person to person... You get to know those things as you get to know the person. |
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bearbait
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Post by bearbait on Jul 21, 2016 19:50:36 GMT -5
Question came up after reading the thread Dev's knowledge and experience as support for PWDs . How do you guys feel about devs who have never been with a PWD, are you a bit more worried or doesn´t it matter much? Also, do you feel more comfortable with devs who have a lot of knowledge? Despite all my curiosity, I admit I didn´t research much. I always thought that the guys would tell me what´s important to know, but now I suppose that they assume I know it all? I don't make any assumptions about another person's knowledge. Also, I'm disabled seven days a week, fifty-two weeks a year, so I've got it down by now. If somebody needs to know something about my disability, I tell them. It's not a big deal. I might make a big deal if some perfect stranger walks up and starts interrogating me about it, but that's because they're being rude, not because I'm uncomfortable talking about it. Nobody expects you to know everything, there is always going to be a learning curve at the beginning of any relationship. |
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fallinginreverse
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Post by fallinginreverse on Jul 21, 2016 19:54:47 GMT -5
At first the thought of being with a non dev scared me, or a dev ignorant to my disability, but now after getting to know a glorious and beautiful all-knowing unicorn the likes of which have never been seen, I think I'd be able to appreciate even a non dev, or an ignorant dev. Even seeing non dev girls in real life, they seem to just be curious about it all which is cute.
I guess i don't really care for the dev title anymore (although it's always going to be preferred).
But all in all it depends on the guy.
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Post by malibu on Jul 21, 2016 20:56:30 GMT -5
Question came up after reading the thread Dev's knowledge and experience as support for PWDs . How do you guys feel about devs who have never been with a PWD, are you a bit more worried or doesn´t it matter much? Also, do you feel more comfortable with devs who have a lot of knowledge? Despite all my curiosity, I admit I didn´t research much. I always thought that the guys would tell me what´s important to know, but now I suppose that they assume I know it all? Devs, do you have any tips? I´m always resistent to make random researches as the internet is full of inconsistencies, mistakes and things I would not need to know or see. EDIT: reading the threads here on PD, I guess it´s impossible to keep my ignorance of a completely disastrous level... I think in your case Malibu you shouldn't feel inadequate or like a "bad dev" some guys might really like teaching you... you might enjoy learning. A lot of us have limited real life hands on experience, its just going to depend on the guy. In some cases depending on what they know about devs they may expect you to know stuff but some also expect to have to teach to some degree. I would assume if they feel like you need to be taught it could be a surprise to them and bring about some fear of acceptance they didn't think they'd experience with a dev, but if you don't want to learn and research there's no rulebook that says you have to. If you do research choose reputable sources most disabilities have major websites with information available explaining how they work. Also, realize that what you read on the internet is a broad definition and the finer details are going to be different person to person... You get to know those things as you get to know the person. Wow, how do you know I feel like a bad dev? I use exact this wording in my head. And you're right, I'll love learning everything with the right guy |
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