Kvitka
New Member
Posts: 31
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by Kvitka on Jan 4, 2018 1:22:05 GMT -5
Hi, Well i think i knew i was a little different, but i never said a word about it to anyone. I remember that when i was probably 7 years old, my mom was watching a Mexican Novela, and one of the characters was Deaf and mute, and even at such a young age, i was a little obsessed with the fact that he was mute and only used his hands to communicate... i think it was my first dev crush. Later on i found out that we have a name, and it`s called Devotees. I am more into Blindness and Deafness, but once in a while a good wheeler is great too.
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sharmayne02
New Member
Posts: 22
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: It's complicated
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Post by sharmayne02 on Jan 10, 2018 20:15:01 GMT -5
Hi
Yes I knew at a very young age that it was something I was fascinated with. As I became a teenager into my adult hood it became an attraction. And to this day it's still attraction and even stronger.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jan 15, 2018 21:47:19 GMT -5
I remember very distinctly a promise that I made to myself when I was about 10. I remember being SO curious about disabilities but also aware that it was inappropriate for some reason. One day I thought to myself, "one day you'll be a grown-up, and you'll probably forget how curious you were, but you have to remember how this felt. When you're grown up, you can create a space for this" ...so I promised myself [wait for it] that one day I'd set up an after-school program for kids called "Experiences" where they would be permitted/encouraged to try out things like wheelchairs, navigating while blindfolded, etc. Now not only is that seared into my memory because naive 10-yr-old-me was trying so hard to send a message to my future self, but also because it's so cringeworthy (not least because I've realized the sexual nature of my interest)!
Also, I'm so happy this forum exists because I have literally never told anyone about "Experiences." Not even my therapist of 14 years who knows I am a dev.
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Post by missparkle on Jan 16, 2018 6:46:43 GMT -5
Hi @ashbird, I am glad you joined! Looking forward to read more about your thoughts and/or experiences! Good thing this "therapy" here doesn't cost much! LOL
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Post by missparkle on Jan 16, 2018 8:01:43 GMT -5
For as far as my memory reaches, I knew I was dev. How can I tell? There is a member of my broader family who is wheeler, and I know him since I know for myself. At times I think it contributed in a way to my devness, but then there other cousins, siblings of mine that did not develop this attraction. Anyway, I was so so young, but I can clearly remember that when we were to meet wheelie cousin, I was so thrilled and excited. And I could always tell it was not just simple curiosity, it was something beyond that. I was so strongly drawn to diversity, I was literally fascinated with the ability to do so many things, although being disabled. If I try to think really hard and look very close, I think I admired the most the ability to cope and adjust. Then there was this boy of my age with CP in elementary school, so my first contact with him was when I was 6. And I found him “so cute”, the way he walks with difficulty and support, his 3 wheel bike was “so cool”, etc... No matter how hard his teacher was trying to protect him and defend him, to integrate him fully into the group, and that majority treated him as equal there were always some smart asses who bullied him. Kids can be very cruel sometimes, too. And I always felt for him, I felt it was not right. Of course it was nothing sexual for me at first, it was just excitement being around any pwd. I was extremely interested in appearance of their “different” bodies, in their “different” movements, in their different aids... I also wondered all the time how that makes them feel. How it feels to be “different”. Are they sad about it? Or is it's just “normal” for them... Anyway, as I was turning into sexual being, that infatuation of mine got it sexual aspect, too. I wouldn't call myself exclusive when it comes to sexual part. I can get aroused and have satisfying sexual life with AB, too. But, in a way, I feel “that” part missing, all the time. Like ok, the meal was nutritious, but not delicious! I was always very well aware of my attraction, as I am pretty well aware of myself in all other aspects. The precise definition of what I was, Devotee, I found on Internet when I was about 20, 20 years ago. But as I said earlier, I was not really comfortable to identify with that word, because most that I could find to read I didn't like and there are things I can not relate to. P.S. My mother likes to tell a story, but I don't remember this event. I was about 2 and a half and I was with her on the street. An unknown old man with a stick was passing by. I stood in front of him and asked: “Does your leg hurt too much?” When telling this story my mom is all proud how compassionate little girl she raised! And I'm thinking for myself: “Mom, you were raising one hell of a dev there!”
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jan 16, 2018 14:38:23 GMT -5
I just read through this whole thread and somehow I guess I missed replying when it first was posted. I don't have any significant early childhood memories though.
I was always a curious person and I know I connected with some disabled children back when I was young. Like we had a couple of kids in the neighborhood who were born disabled, like Down Syndrome and I always felt like I needed to include them in all our playing at the park. I felt some kind of responsibility for them.
I also babysat some kids for a while at night when their parents went out and every once in a while their cousin who was severely disabled was also there but sleeping already and I was just intrigued by the boy and how different he was and wondered how much he knew what was going on around him.
Also a disabled boy who lived in our neighborhood who always walked his dog had a crush on me because I was like the only kid/girl who actually talked to him when I saw him. No one else did. He would wait for me up on a bench on the hill that I pushed my 10 speed up every day after work. He would sit there with his dog and wait for me and I would always stop and chat with him or sit on the bench and we could look over the city and I remember so much how I felt his happiness. I was about 16, he was 19. I wanted to make him happy by treating him like a non-disabled person and we made small talk in the way he would understand. I wasn't attracted to him or anything but I wanted to make him feel good.
Aside from those things, anything disability even short term stuff like casts or crutches attracted me very much. And I did have two hard core crushes on boys back then and both broke their legs at some time or another and that was definitely a trigger for a lot of thoughts.
I also know that when the first signs of becoming a sexual being started in my teenage years there were things I used/did and got aroused and I know that has a lot to do with my sexuality nowadays as well on top of being a dev.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Jan 16, 2018 14:52:47 GMT -5
...oh and I have always written stories or thought up stories in my head and when I now read the stuff I have written back when I was a teenie I can definitely see lots of underlying dev pointers.
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Post by malibu on Jan 16, 2018 18:56:20 GMT -5
I had no idea I was a dev when I was a kid. I actually don't know if the interest I had for disability back then was more than the average curiosity. Average, because when I walk with Corey all 3 and 4 year old turn their heads and stare, so it must be something universally interesting for children. I do remember someone telling me not to stare when I was little, so I thought that EVERYONE was extremely interested in watching, so we had to control ourselves not to. I did it, I controlled, I would always look away (but what you don't see, makes you actually more curious). I remember one day I wanted to start a conversation with a boy with CP, and someone stopped me. I never tried again, but I felt bad, because he was a child too, but always in the company of the adults for some reason. Together with his twin sister, who also had CP, but she could walk. So for my 8th birthday I had invited ALL children from church, except the twins. I always behaved, but that day I made a scene, I threw myself on the floor, on the sidewalk and CRIED liters. But it was not effective, we lived in the 4th floor without elevator, there was no way we could carry the boy they said (I actually still think it would be quite easy). I was sad because they would be excluded, as usual (and when you are 8 years old, not to be invited to a birthday was like a catastrophe in my head)...
I always made up stories in my head, it would be something about saving someone in the last second. After I heard of a shooting, where they shot even the wheelers, I had this recurrent thought of trying to save them, so this whole thing with the saving is probably somehow related to my dev and stems from very early childhood (like around 4).
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skye
New Member
Posts: 5
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by skye on Mar 21, 2018 22:37:39 GMT -5
I knew from a very, very young age too. So many people here had a barbie wheelchair! I befriended all the disabled kids in my classes, and I definitely rented a lot of movies with disabled characters in them. I was SO happy when I finally got a Blockbuster card of my own, so my parents wouldn't see how many times I had rented "At First Sight" and "Scent of a Woman", haha. Of course, they probably didn't even notice.
The funny thing is, I had a very long period of my life where I kind of shelved that stuff in my mind. It's all come back over the last 4 years I'd say.
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Post by TotalBias on Mar 25, 2018 2:28:16 GMT -5
Hmm.... idk if I knew as a kid, but my first real recollection of having different tastes was watching Beauty and the Beast. I used to cry when he turned back into a human! I wanted him to stay in his “beast” form forever and be happy with Belle like that!
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Post by LaMara on Mar 29, 2018 9:11:28 GMT -5
Hmm.... idk if I knew as a kid, but my first real recollection of having different tastes was watching Beauty and the Beast. I used to cry when he turned back into a human! I wanted him to stay in his “beast” form forever and be happy with Belle like that! That’s just good taste. Seriously that guy was ugly as a human.
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Post by pam on Mar 30, 2018 23:14:50 GMT -5
I somewhat knew, but really realized it when I became a teenager.
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Post by parashoot on Mar 31, 2018 7:13:23 GMT -5
Hmm.... idk if I knew as a kid, but my first real recollection of having different tastes was watching Beauty and the Beast. I used to cry when he turned back into a human! I wanted him to stay in his “beast” form forever and be happy with Belle like that! That’s just good taste. Seriously that guy was ugly as a human. I was going to respond the same way haha. This is a universal view point, not a Dev one. I had this conversation with my (presumably) non-dev coworker just this week haha.
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