Did you know as a kid you were a dev?

[marmar]

So I'm only 18 myself, but my attraction towards PWD has been the most prevalent part of me that I can remember. My infatuation came from wheelchairs at first. I had wheelchair barbies as a child and always stared at the people in wheelchairs I saw in real life as well as in my school textbooks and such. When I was 7-8 I stole my moms phone to watch wheelchair vids, mostly quads and paras, all the time. I'd sneak under my covers so she couldn't see and watch and watch and watch. I would always delete my history so she never found out. At the time it wasn't sexual necessarily, but at the age of 11 I believe it was. And from 11 years old and on I'd watch youtube for hours and hours and I still do! I was just curious if anyone else had a similar situation when they were young? It's taken me years to accept this part of myself and realize that it isn't dirty or shameful nor is it directly ableist/problematic. I have yet to tell anyone in my life, so I'm really glad this forum exists!

[shape]

When I had that attraction there was no internet and I'm not sure the word or concept was know as it is now. I always felt something was wrong with me. But now I know I'm not insane, I'm not a bad person. I just feel what I feel. And yes, now I can spend hours on YouTube 😉

[straycatsnperiodpads]

When I was a little girl the city I lived in (East European capital freshly out of communism, late '90s to early 2000s) was filled to the brim with amputee/deformed beggars so I sort of developed a morbid fascination for it, I didn't feel any sort of repulsion but couldn't look away. Apparently there were shady people that did that to them on puropose, just sort of hoarded them in large groups and sent them to beg. There were some in my teens, but not as many. Some of them used to actually grin knowingly as they noticed me staring.

I wouldn't say I had problems with accepting the fact that I'm into it, but for a long while I thought it wouldn't limmit me, and then it did so I had a pretty miserable period this spring, when it started sinking in how hard it will be to find a partner. ^{I got lucky tho'}

[robbb]

I think I have explained in another thread in the past my earliest recollections would be at about 5 or 6 years old being fascinated by people on crutches, in casts, with limps, etc although I don't recall when I first was aware of wheelers. I was always mesmorised and looking back I think there was a sexual 'crush' element even then without me realising.

When I was a little older a friend of my parents lost a leg and I remember being allowed to touch his 'funny' leg, I have no idea why and it seems an odd thing looking back now.

The funny thing is at the time I didn't realise that it was always men I was aware of in a devvy way, I think I was aware I was a dev before I realised I was gay, not that I knew what either were at that age.

R.

[parashoot]

Most people will be with you on this one.
I remember searching things about blindness on encarta '95, which was a CD rom encyclopedia that was the closest to the internet I could get at the time lol.
I also read any book I could find with disabled characters, boy or girl.
I never did much internet searching other than trying to find people on MySpace (as a teen) and later Facebook groups (in my early 20s) that were dedicated to disabled people. I never considered just going to a search engine for some reason lol.
I remember the first time I told myself a story in my head to help me fall asleep. I don't know how old I was, but I would say a pre-teen. The story was about a girl and her legally blind brother. It wasn't sexual or romantic at all like my fantasy stories are now.

[Emma]

As a kid I didn't know I was a dev but I knew that I was interested in disabilities more than other people. I was interested in everything disability but didn't encounter many people with significant disabilities so have more childhood memories of people with short term injuries using crutches or casts. Eye glasses and braces on teeth also interested me as a kid. I didn't connect the sexual component until I was 21 years old.

[tori]

Nov 26, 2017 18:32:58 GMT -5 parashoot said:

I remember the first time I told myself a story in my head to help me fall asleep. 

I did this as far back as I can remember, and all my stories were dev themed.

I don't recall the first time I felt it but it's ALWAYS been there for me, ever since childhood. I seriously thought I was the only one until I got older and started doing some web searching. 

[SouthernCalGal]

I was about 11 or so. My dreams in my head about finding a boy - he was always in a wheelchair. It suprised me now looking back 30+ years that I didn't explore this more then. But, back then, I felt that there was something wrong with me. You are fortunate to have the information and support so early on in your sexual life. Enjoy this space-it is very special!

I didn't find out about devotees much later in life - I wish I would have known a lot sooner. Continue exploring, reading and enjoying!!! 

[elbs]

No, I was completely clueless, even though there were tons of signs.
I realized around age 10 that I was fascinated by disabilities, but I don't recall thinking much about it. When I found out I'm autistic (around 13-14 years old) I chalked it up to me knowing deep down that I was disabled too. It was only last year that I realized that there's any sexual aspect to my liking disabilities.

[Nia]

I did. I think that I was 4 or 5 when when I knew it. Of course I didn't know that there is a name for it or anything about it but I was well aware of the fact that I am super interested in anything related to disability.

[lucretia]

Some of my earliest memories of play and make believe were disability related.

It's been a part of me my entire life.

[queenkala]

Dec 7, 2017 20:28:43 GMT -5 lucretia said:

Some of my earliest memories of play and make believe were disability related.

It's been a part of me my entire life.

Exactly this. 

When i I was a child, I have clear memories from when I was about 4 years old onwards. Disability was always a big part of my play. My dolls and barbies had wheelchairs. My little brother and I would spend a whole day sometimes pretending that we were confined to my double bed. Like it was a big wheelchair. Lots of stuff like this. 

My book choices were disability related from around 10ish onwards. I’d scour the library. I read a lot of Mill’s and Boon. I read a lot as a child, so I’d slip the disability ones in amongst the rest of my weekly haul. I was 13ish when I discovered Amazon. But there was only the US site available then, this would have been around 1998. So delivery was super expensive. I’d babysit and do chores for 6 months, and then I’d have enough to order around 10 books from the site. These books were teen series that were published in the US that weren’t available in Ireland. They always had a disabled male as a main character. I wish those series were available on kindle now, I would love to read them again. Fearless was one of the series. Male main character in that one was paraplegic. Then there was another about a group of friends, one of the guys was blind. 

I’ve gone off topic a bit there... I’ll admit I’m a "little" bit stoned right now. I got distracted by memory. 

[queenkala]

I just want to say, after reading the replies to this thread, that I’m so glad there are other girls out there who grew up thinking the same way I did. I always presumed that I was alone in thinking this way. But a few years back I found this place and now I know the truth.

[marmar]

Dec 9, 2017 19:59:57 GMT -5 queenkala said:

I just want to say, after reading the replies to this thread, that I’m so glad there are other girls out there who grew up thinking the same way I did. I always presumed that I was alone in thinking this way. But a few years back I found this place and now I know the truth.

I'm so thankful I found this forum at my age!! Ive been an active dev since my earliest memories and I always thought that it was shameful. Reading everyone else's experiences really does help

[LaMara]

I definitely knew I had a fascination with disability very early on (definitely 8 or 9 years old), I would prefer books and movies with pwds, I would write stories where the main character was almost always a pwd, but I didn't become aware it was a "thing" until very late in life.
I instinctively also knew it was something to hide and keep secret, I was embarrassed by my weird interest and expected people to disapprove if they found out.
I remember as a teenager starting to imagine potential boyfriends and they were all either blind or amps, and in my imagination I would have conversations with them explaining how the disability didn't have any meaning to me and I didn't care... I was such a professional when it came to lying to myself