Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2017 7:22:06 GMT -5
So, I want to meet girls tru dating sites but I have a few questions.
-Should I mention my disability right away ( for ex: on the pics, in my bio,...)
-How to approach girls to not scare them away in relation with previous question.
-If I don't mention I'm disabled, when should I tell them?
Oh last question, I'm on conventional dating sites but are there good dating sites for devs/disabled ?
Thx!
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knowmadic
New Member
Posts: 24 
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by knowmadic on Dec 7, 2017 10:35:46 GMT -5
That's a tough one. And I think it's something most PWD struggle with. In my experience, I've had better luck not disclosing my disability right away. But, of course, there's some negatives to that. Girls get upset and feel like they've been deceived. And these days, maybe even accuse you of catfishing (even though you're not). On the other hand, not disclosing it immediately, allows people to meet your true self. The ones that don't run away and get pissed off are the only ones you really have a chance with anyway. I've never even gotten a reply when I mention my disability in a dating profile. Ever. Not one. Buuuut dude I'm still single  so maybe I'm doing a bunch of sh*t wrong and you shouldn't listen to anything I'm saying!  |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2017 11:47:02 GMT -5
That's a tough one. And I think it's something most PWD struggle with. In my experience, I've had better luck not disclosing my disability right away. But, of course, there's some negatives to that. Girls get upset and feel like they've been deceived. And these days, maybe even accuse you of catfishing (even though you're not). On the other hand, not disclosing it immediately, allows people to meet your true self. The ones that don't run away and get pissed off are the only ones you really have a chance with anyway. I've never even gotten a reply when I mention my disability in a dating profile. Ever. Not one. Buuuut dude I'm still single so maybe I'm doing a bunch of sh*t wrong and you shouldn't listen to anything I'm saying! Haha  Well I hope you'll find the one soon! I made a profile with pictures of me in wheelchair. We'll see the outcome lol. |
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knowmadic
New Member
Posts: 24
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by knowmadic on Dec 7, 2017 11:54:45 GMT -5
Likewise!  And don't forget the football thing. Start with that even! It sucks this is the life we have to live. But at least you have a cool story and you were doing something you were passionate about. Not everybody can say that. |
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Post by sungod on Dec 7, 2017 12:55:46 GMT -5
Like a lot of us, I’ve been a heavy Internet user for a long time. I have used various online dating sites for about a decade. I don’t claim to know everything, but here’s my approach.
When I first made online dating profiles, I hid my disability. I figured it would be better to show just my face, bring it with and with my personality, and then admit my disability after some conversation. This wasn’t good. Many women stopped talking to me, feeling catfished. I recall one distinct location where we even set up a date, I told her about the disability, then she texted me an hour before the date to cancel. TL;DR: Don’t hide your disability.
Instead, I try to subtly display my disability. My photos have a mix of head shots and “full body”shots, all hopefully expressing my personality, and also showing that I integrate with society. I’m not a homebound dude in a wheelchair like Maria see we are.
In the profile, I have a SHORT blurb that acknowledges the wheelchair, indicates that it’s from a spinal cord injury, and welcomes questions.
If you want to share notes, feel free to PM me. I could share my OKC profile.
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Post by mona on Dec 7, 2017 13:11:52 GMT -5
@belgianwheeler, I am afraid this is not the first time this topic has been discussed in this forum. If you use the search, you'll find more advice on that question.
I can't give you any advice but I think showing the chair in the pics seems a good way.
There have also been a couple of threads on the question of where devs hang around irl (just in case this was the next burning issue you had in mind 😉).
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Post by tori on Dec 7, 2017 13:40:22 GMT -5
I say honesty is the best policy. You will weed out the assholes that way. You don't want a partner that isn't comfortable with it anyway. You want them to accept every part of you.
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Post by lisa on Dec 7, 2017 14:55:03 GMT -5
I'm pro honesty. But I also know that this will probably decrease the number of messages you'll receive a lot. So I guess you first need to decide what you're looking for, whether it's just a casual hookup or a long-term relationship or something else.
On the other hand... I've heard that there are some devs out there searching for keywords like "disabled" or "wheelchair" on these dating sites. Just don't get your hopes up too much. We are a rare species ;-).
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2017 15:13:56 GMT -5
Thx for the tips everyone!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2017 19:27:18 GMT -5
I would like to know if the guy is disabled but that's because I'm a dev...so if I would see your profile on a dating site and nothing points to a disability I wouldn't look into you further...
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Post by elbs on Dec 7, 2017 19:45:08 GMT -5
The number one reason I've heard of not to mention the disability is if you don't want to attract devs. So if that's not a problem for you, I'd say mention it early. (That's what I do with my autism, on most social connection sites.)
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 8, 2017 4:50:21 GMT -5
I would like to know if the guy is disabled but that's because I'm a dev...so if I would see your profile on a dating site and nothing points to a disability I wouldn't look into you further... Looks like there aren't lots of devs in Belgium then lol |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 8, 2017 4:53:32 GMT -5
Like a lot of us, I’ve been a heavy Internet user for a long time. I have used various online dating sites for about a decade. I don’t claim to know everything, but here’s my approach. When I first made online dating profiles, I hid my disability. I figured it would be better to show just my face, bring it with and with my personality, and then admit my disability after some conversation. This wasn’t good. Many women stopped talking to me, feeling catfished. I recall one distinct location where we even set up a date, I told her about the disability, then she texted me an hour before the date to cancel. TL;DR: Don’t hide your disability. Instead, I try to subtly display my disability. My photos have a mix of head shots and “full body”shots, all hopefully expressing my personality, and also showing that I integrate with society. I’m not a homebound dude in a wheelchair like Maria see we are. In the profile, I have a SHORT blurb that acknowledges the wheelchair, indicates that it’s from a spinal cord injury, and welcomes questions. If you want to share notes, feel free to PM me. I could share my OKC profile. I'd love to see it & see if I can find some inspiration! |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 8, 2017 5:38:03 GMT -5
I used to be in many dating sites, but after some time i decided to quit. Some of the reasons were:
If you show your wheelchair on your profile pics there's no chance to get a date, and if you hide it, when you tell them your dissability they use to quit answering your messages.
So in my own experience is way better try to know people face to face.
PS: my english sucks i don't speak it in my everyday, sorry
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devine
Full Member
Posts: 121
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by devine on Dec 8, 2017 6:55:28 GMT -5
Back in the days, I used to keyword search dating sites for "wheelchair" and "paraplegic", etc. Then lust over the profile pictures...  |
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so maybe I'm doing a bunch of sh*t wrong and you shouldn't listen to anything I'm saying! 
Well I hope you'll find the one soon! I made a profile with pictures of me in wheelchair. We'll see the outcome lol.
And don't forget the football thing. Start with that even! It sucks this is the life we have to live. But at least you have a cool story and you were doing something you were passionate about. Not everybody can say that.
