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Post by mona on Jan 27, 2018 5:29:13 GMT -5
Speaking for myself, it is not fetish, although it has some elements of it, if we speak about visible manifestation of someone's disability. Being brutally honest, although I do understand some people will not feel comfortable with this parallel, I have to say that I find similarities, in my case, with identity disorder. I have to say, one more time, it would be much easier if it was just a pure fetish, sexual me would be easy to satisfy. But to satisfy the need of my whole being, is not so easy. Fetish would mean that my sexual self is a dev. But I, all my selves, my complete being, is dev. To the bones. I agree with a lot of this... except, it seems to me that because of what you've said here, it is a fetish. That's what makes it a fetish, this deeper sort of tug that has little to nothing to do with sex. This is a conclusion I've come to only recently, as it's always been very difficult for me to consider myself as "having a fetish." For a long time it was simply, "I like unusual morphology," and that was that. Easy, simple, like being a fan of niche music. Recently I had a conversation with a friend that I think summed it up well, so I'll just quote my own words: The fixation is simply too prevalent and long-running to not be addressed. I'd really like to see some self-reflection from others who have a different kind of fetish, to see how their self-assessment compares. My money is on a lot of parallels. It's really interesting what you're writing. I started lurking in a SM forum a couple of weeks ago and what people write there about their sexual desires and the difficulty to live them out seems pretty similar to my dev struggles. Still, I' m not convinced devness can generally be labelled as a fetish. I have sexual desires related to people with disabilities but I don't need them to be aroused or to have an orgasm. I have also fantasies with AB people (dreamed of an old school friend this night 😏). And there is also the deep interest for disability related topics that many devs have. I haven' t heard of a feet fetishist who is deeply interested in the cultural history of lower extremities or so. 😜 To me it's all mashed up for a good reason. Emotional, social, sensual, sexual - I can't neatly separate these aspects. It's all interwoven.
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Post by devogirl on Jan 27, 2018 7:59:05 GMT -5
I haven' t heard of a feet fetishist who is deeply interested in the cultural history of lower extremities or so. 😜 The foot fetishist who is super into shoes or who goes to work in a shoe store is so common it's a cliche. I'm sure some are deeply into the cultural history of shoes.
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Post by mona on Jan 27, 2018 11:17:52 GMT -5
I haven' t heard of a feet fetishist who is deeply interested in the cultural history of lower extremities or so. 😜 The foot fetishist who is super into shoes or who goes to work in a shoe store is so common it's a cliche. I'm sure some are deeply into the cultural history of shoes. Yeah, I thought about this later on and you're certainly right.
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subnz071
New Member
Posts: 11
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
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Post by subnz071 on Jan 27, 2018 12:44:57 GMT -5
I wish they would ban the word "fetish" and replace it with "attraction", i think the author hit the nail on the head...i have spent most of my life trying to look normal, or at keast able bodied.....i just wish someone would be attracted to me, disabilty and all
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napoleon
Junior Member
Posts: 89
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by napoleon on Jan 28, 2018 7:55:08 GMT -5
Hi mona your post recently about the link between fetish, identity, and the choices of stability v. satisfaction was very interesting. I have other fetishes, some very very unusual. Not willing to discuss openly lol don't want to totally put people off and kill the topic here, but I find the area interesting and would be willing to delve into the way I see identity, kink and everything else in private if anyone wishes. It would, I agree, be interesting to compare perspectives.
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napoleon
Junior Member
Posts: 89
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by napoleon on Jan 28, 2018 12:09:39 GMT -5
oops! it was pointed out to me that my post above was actually from myrrh lol woops! sorry mona screenreaders suck sometimes!
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Post by hanabanana on Apr 15, 2018 2:38:32 GMT -5
I do view my attraction as a fetish. Youtube videos of every day wheeler life are my porn and I do get off watching them. I do get aroused by wheeler struggles, like difficult transfers, etc. Videos of Wheelers I don't know, wheelers I will never meet. Oftentimes, I mute those videos, because I'm not interested in their personality and I just wanna get my quick wheeler fix. Am I a bad person? Yeah, and a good person and 100 shades of good and bad inbetween. I literally talked about this in a podcast I was in. sexwithstrangersshow.com/episode-33-sex-with-devotees-wannabes-and-pretenders I don't know how common this is, but youtube videos were my porn and I'd search for key words in different languages to find stuff when the usual terms weren't providing anything new.
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Post by devogirl on Apr 17, 2018 8:49:18 GMT -5
WOW! Thanks for sharing the link to the podcast--it's great! Thank you so much for representing devs in a positive light publicly and giving a shout-out to PD. The host did a good job getting a range of experiences and opinions from the guests, and approaching the topic in an open-minded way. He made an interesting point about how having a standard erotic imagination and being able to access porn easily is a form of privilege. I never thought of it that way, but he does have a point. I can't think how many hours of my life I have wasted trying to find devvy material, sometimes in the strangest places. Anyway I recommend listening to the podcast but fyi the first interviewee is a woman with BIID, and that discussion goes on for quite a long time before he gets to the devs.
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Post by elbs on Apr 17, 2018 10:00:57 GMT -5
I do view my attraction as a fetish. Youtube videos of every day wheeler life are my porn and I do get off watching them. I do get aroused by wheeler struggles, like difficult transfers, etc. Videos of Wheelers I don't know, wheelers I will never meet. Oftentimes, I mute those videos, because I'm not interested in their personality and I just wanna get my quick wheeler fix. Am I a bad person? Yeah, and a good person and 100 shades of good and bad inbetween. I literally talked about this in a podcast I was in. sexwithstrangersshow.com/episode-33-sex-with-devotees-wannabes-and-pretenders I don't know how common this is, but youtube videos were my porn and I'd search for key words in different languages to find stuff when the usual terms weren't providing anything new. Really interesting. The start of Laura's story sounded really familiar to me, but we have gone in different directions. I have never had an orgasm, even now, and I'm feeling like my sexuality just isn't designed to involve orgasms. With regards to the aversion to devs that some disabled people have, I guess I understand that a little more since I've encountered a few guys who fetishize asexual women. For them, it seems to be focused around a dominant woman enforcing permanent chastity and punishing them for finding her attractive. Which really doesn't fit how I feel about being asexual at all, and I feel like I'd be very uncomfortable doing chastity play in general. Plus, it kinda plays into some negative stereotypes of asexuals, like that we hate sex and feel superior for not being into sex, and that we're obsessed with not having sex as much as many people are obsessed with having sex. (Honestly, I don't tend to think about sex at all unless the situation explicitly brings it to mind.) But I'm not sure how comparable that is to devoteeism. That story about the wheelchair fetishist ignoring the disabled guy to play with his wheelchair - ugh. He really should have communicated more clearly what he actually wanted, or else just bought himself a wheelchair instead of wasting someone else's time. (Then again, I'm pretty much the opposite, since wheelchairs hold no interest to me apart from the people who are using them, and I actually find wheelchair users more exciting when they're not in their wheelchair.) I suppose maybe he was confused about what aspect of it he was into, but I still think he should have acknowledged that the guy he picked up was expecting something other than just watching someone play with his chair.
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