|
Post by Manda2212 on Jun 21, 2018 21:25:22 GMT -5
Your friend sounds like a dick. I hope you set his ass straight. You did, right? Let it be known that darthoso and myself always actively fight for the pro-dev side when these arguments come up in the various MD/SMA Facebook groups Woulda never thought any different of you two fine gentlemen!
|
|
|
Post by darthoso on Jun 21, 2018 22:06:55 GMT -5
Your friend sounds like a dick. I hope you set his ass straight. You did, right? Let it be known that darthoso and myself always actively fight for the pro-dev side when these arguments come up in the various MD/SMA Facebook groups I get female PWDs not being into it, I've got a friend from high school who's an amp who's been creeped on by male devs lurking outside her doctor's office. Anti Dev male PWDs I don't get and arguing experience vs conceptual perspection is frustrating.
|
|
|
Post by someonerandom on Jun 21, 2018 22:36:23 GMT -5
The way I see it is this: if someone is attracted to some particular aspect of you, your reaction is likely to depend upon whether of not you're comfortable with that aspect. For example, if someone liked your eye or hair color it would be likely to make you feel good. Conversely, what if they are attracted to some aspect you feel awkward about? Well, that's less predictable. How about if you are ashamed of that aspect, for example if you're overweight and a guy tells you he is a "chubby-chaser"? Hmm, not likely to be taken very well. But then again, if you like that aspect of yourself, it might actually be a good thing. Whether a PWD would see devs as good, bad or neutral probably has a lot to do with how they feel about their disability. As for me, I would see it as a good thing, but understand that other PWD's might feel differently. A very insightful perspective Mike! I generally perceive devness as a good thing but a few wheelers I know have a straight up KKK mentality towards devs. One of my gimp friends actually said that devs are the epitome of perversion. Epitome of perversion? He must not know the type of shit I'm into And the fact that he defines disability as "weakness" illustrates that this is more of a him problem than a dev problem.
I like how you called it a "KKK mentality" though, that's funny haha.
|
|
|
Post by matisse on Jun 21, 2018 23:09:00 GMT -5
The way I see it is this: if someone is attracted to some particular aspect of you, your reaction is likely to depend upon whether of not you're comfortable with that aspect. For example, if someone liked your eye or hair color it would be likely to make you feel good. Conversely, what if they are attracted to some aspect you feel awkward about? Well, that's less predictable. How about if you are ashamed of that aspect, for example if you're overweight and a guy tells you he is a "chubby-chaser"? Hmm, not likely to be taken very well. But then again, if you like that aspect of yourself, it might actually be a good thing. Whether a PWD would see devs as good, bad or neutral probably has a lot to do with how they feel about their disability. As for me, I would see it as a good thing, but understand that other PWD's might feel differently. I hate my disability but I am still pro-dev.
|
|
|
Post by mike on Jun 21, 2018 23:47:14 GMT -5
matisse, I didn't mean to imply that you LIKED your disability, but rather that you don't feel emotionally vulnerable about it. I don't think many normal people LIKE their disability, but some are more accepting of it than others. It would be nice to be an Olympic athlete, but I ACCEPT that I will never be one.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2018 22:25:24 GMT -5
Epitome of perversion? He must not know the type of shit I'm into And the fact that he defines disability as "weakness" illustrates that this is more of a him problem than a dev problem. I like how you called it a "KKK mentality" though, that's funny haha.
Oh it is definitely a "him" problem. He also thinks that devs are dangerous and warned me not to attempt to meet any in real life and actually drew comparisons to pedos who stalk children...because like children, PWD's are weak, vulnerable, and defenseless. Yes, I know...there's that word again...weak You definitely need different friends
|
|
gimpygay
Full Member
Single
Posts: 125
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
|
Post by gimpygay on Jun 27, 2018 4:45:33 GMT -5
Definately not just a compromise. I have had relationships with AB people who are non-Devs as well as Devs and I much prefer the latter. There are obvious advantages in being in a relationship with a Dev They understand my disability, you don't have to have an awkward conversation when things get intimate and I feel so much more comfortable and relaxed with them. However, there is much more to my "Dev attraction" than that. I find it very erotic that they find my disability attractive and sexy and are not with me because they can overlook what is an important part of my identity. I also love that they are attracted to the parts of my body affected by my disability and that we can incorporate them into our intimacy.I could wax lyrical for hours on this subject,but I don't want to bore you guys.
|
|
|
Post by karotix5 on Jul 1, 2018 19:31:41 GMT -5
Here's where it's weird for me. I DON'T like guys who like BBW. In fact, one PWD I talked to early on told me he was into BBW, and I immediately felt... Icky. For me, my curves are something I dislike about myself. I grew up thin and athletic. It wasn't until I was in my 30's that I got fat. I still don't "feel" fat, although I clearly am. I look in the mirror and I don't recognize the person I see. It doesn't look like the image of me in my head. So... I have ALWAYS related to guys who are suspicious of devs. I get it. However, I am finally starting to let go of my war with my body. I have started entertaining the idea that I could just accept myself as is. I toy with the idea of being with someone who actually loved my body as part of their attraction, and not love me despite my curves. I don't know what that would even feel like. On the other hand, if I DID ever choose a guy who was into BBW, it wouldn't be a compromise. It would be because I was ready to embrace my body as an attractive part of me. I know I'm super late to this thread and you've probably heard it before. But I'm really really sorry you have trouble getting into the idea of being with a FA. I'm a FA, and dating TotalBias has really helped normalise that for me. I acted confident about it when I brought it up but there were more niche parts about it I still felt insecure about. I don't want to make this post a complete repetition of everything else you've heard so I'll make a point I haven't really seen anywhere else. I love llamaguccii's body in a sexual way, yes. But also in a non-sexual, like... I don't know the word for it. In a way that makes me feel safe and protected. Like my body is skinny and boney and fragile. So I think I'm subconsciously thinking that her immensely soft body will negate that to a degree. When I think about hugging her and burying my head in her belly, I'm overwhelmed with a warm feeling. And unless I let it, it does nothing to my genitals. Embracing your non-normal body is really hard. I know. But from the non-psycho FA's, we have nothing but good intentions. I hope I'm getting that point across.
|
|
|
Post by lucretia on Jul 1, 2018 19:54:54 GMT -5
I've been loved in spite of my size.
Being loved in spite of something has a built-in exit.
When things get choppy you can always point to that thing, and the moment you knew it was "in spite of", and presto, you have something to blame.
Allowing love and attraction for all of you is terrifying.
|
|
|
Post by karotix5 on Jul 1, 2018 20:15:25 GMT -5
Fuck. :/
|
|
furby89
New Member
Enjoy life and be happy :)
Posts: 49
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
|
Post by furby89 on Oct 25, 2018 4:27:38 GMT -5
I would take the dev for sure. For me it's a win-win situation here. But it's not only about the physical aspect of a PWD from the dev site. There must also develop a emotional connection between your crush. I hope to find my crush one day. It can be a start of premium bonus in my life xD
|
|
gimpygay
Full Member
Single
Posts: 125
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
|
Post by gimpygay on Oct 25, 2018 5:03:35 GMT -5
As I am a Disabled person who is comfortable in his own skin ( I don't "hate" my disability, I accept and embrace it seeing it as having advantages as well as disadvantages) and have had relationships with Able-bodied people, Disabled people, and Devotees I see Devs as one of a range of options. However, I am particularly comfortable with and attracted to, Devotees. In particular, this is because they often see my disability and my body in the same way as I do.
|
|
Mister_S
Junior Member
Posts: 59
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: It's complicated
|
Post by Mister_S on Oct 25, 2018 19:24:22 GMT -5
I've been loved in spite of my size. Being loved in spite of something has a built-in exit. When things get choppy you can always point to that thing, and the moment you knew it was "in spite of", and presto, you have something to blame. Allowing love and attraction for all of you is terrifying. I went back and forth on whether to respond to this thread. I get the feeling my posts in and of themselves trigger some folks, but after reading this thread I feel I have to weigh in. I have a fairly unique perspective being newly injured, and I'm going to share it despite the blowback or nitpicking it might engender. I think lucretia's post is really profound here, and captures the essence of this thread, which is really something rather universal to love: Do we want to be loved for our flaws, or in spite of them? It seems a simple question on the surface, and I confess I'd never given it much thought until now. Prior to injury I had one sense of my self. I was generally athletic, alternated between 10-30 pounds overweight, and I'm short (5'4"). I think I've always valued being loved in spite of my flaws. I never dated women who were into short dudes, for instance. Rather I convinced women who loved tall guys that short guys could make their hearts go pitter-patter too. Since my injury my sense of self has been radically transformed. On a good day I feel like I get to live in a new body, which is a blessing because I get to be alive, and I have to figure out my new body. On a bad day I feel broken. As a paraplegic I often feel invisible to most AB folks. I am well below eye level, and when they see me they generally feel pity. They offer to help. In these moments when I feel invisible I'd like to be loved for my disability. I think this would be somewhat transformative. It might help me to love myself more, to see my disability through her eyes: as something beautiful and desirable. I struggle to see my condition that way. But then I come back to lucretia's words above, and how what we often need is to be loved in spite of our flaws... not to rely on someone else to find self-love. It can be a bit of a trap. I wonder if you can start to feel more like an object than a person, and that finding acceptance of your condition through someone else's acceptance creates an unhealthy co-dependence. I have no idea, and I'm not sure I'll take the plunge to find out, but I appreciate this thread for the opportunity to think through this complicated issue.
|
|