Devness - A Gift Or A Curse?

[missparkle]

I have really dichotomy feelings about this. I definitely DO love it, it is the strongest, deepest and most powerful feeling that I know. However, I believe it would be much easier without it.
So my question is - if you could get rid of your devness, if there was a "cure", would you take it? I believe I would.

[PacMan]

Feb 25, 2018 5:17:20 GMT -5 missparkle said:

I have really dichotomy feelings about this. I definitely DO love it, it is the strongest, deepest and most powerful feeling that I know. However, I believe it would be much easier without it.
So my question is - if you could get rid of your devness, if there was a "cure", would you take it? I believe I would.

So if you like these feelings then why would you want to get rid of them?

[mona]

Feb 25, 2018 13:01:09 GMT -5 PacMan said:

Feb 25, 2018 5:17:20 GMT -5 missparkle said:

I have really dichotomy feelings about this. I definitely DO love it, it is the strongest, deepest and most powerful feeling that I know. However, I believe it would be much easier without it.
So my question is - if you could get rid of your devness, if there was a "cure", would you take it? I believe I would.

So if you like these feelings then why would you want to get rid of them?

1) It would be just so much easier to find a match.

2)You wouldn't have to spend time, energy and brain cells with thoughts like: It's so creepy how I feel. I must be such a messed-up person.

3) It would be so much easier to talk with your best friends about what your perfect match should look like.

[mona]

Feb 25, 2018 5:17:20 GMT -5 missparkle said:

I have really dichotomy feelings about this. I definitely DO love it, it is the strongest, deepest and most powerful feeling that I know. However, I believe it would be much easier without it.
So my question is - if you could get rid of your devness, if there was a "cure", would you take it? I believe I would.

I wouldn't. I think it's one of the most interesting things about me. Otherwise I'm just boring average.

If I could take some magic cure, it would be to get rid of all the self-doubts and shameful feelings. But I'm on a good path to get rid if them. ☺

[missparkle]

Feb 25, 2018 15:11:52 GMT -5 mona said:

Otherwise I'm just boring average.

I have to disagree with you, mona, again! LOL

From all I have read that you wrote on this forum, being dev or not, you are everything but boring average!

[willdawg80]

missparkle, can you tell me more about devs?

[missparkle]

Feb 25, 2018 13:01:09 GMT -5 PacMan said:

Feb 25, 2018 5:17:20 GMT -5 missparkle said:

I have really dichotomy feelings about this. I definitely DO love it, it is the strongest, deepest and most powerful feeling that I know. However, I believe it would be much easier without it.
So my question is - if you could get rid of your devness, if there was a "cure", would you take it? I believe I would.

So if you like these feelings then why would you want to get rid of them?

PacMan, simply, because they are giving me hard time. And it is not only about self-doubt and shameful feelings, this board and some great people I met here will help me to get rid of that part, sooner or latter.

It is more about having a constant need, that is not very likely to ever be fulfilled. It is like pain in the ass you can't get rid of. 🙂 Like a really bad itch that is always there, and you can't reach to scratch it! I don't want (just) a sex with a wheeler. I am complete dev 🙂 , not incomplete 😀. For me, to shag someone in chair would be very exciting and huge turn on, but not enough, not even close. 🙂 If it was the case, it would be very, very easy. You know, those guys... 🙂 I believe there is always some who would gladly volunteer for some shagging. For noble purposes, of course - to put my poor dev at ease. But!!! It is not all that I want. I want a life with SCI. I want ALL that shit to be part of my life, too. My everyday life, every single day. Since I can remember, when I imagine "fairy tale life" I imagine it with SCI. I could never be completely happy and satisfied with AB partner. No matter how great he would be. "That part" would always be missing, it just doesn't feel "right", it doesn't align with my perfect idealized picture. Image in my head is somehow "twisted". And as I can understand there are other devs, who feel very similar. Just if you read PD... There are some great women, married to great guys, have children, live in happy marriages etc... And still miss "that"...

But!!! It is not enough that The One is SCI, not even close, damn me, we have to align on so many other, different levels, too. We have to have same outlook on life, compatible characters, similar beliefs, system of value, same wishes and goals in life...

Now, what do you think, what are the chances ever to find all that, in one single person?!

[missparkle]

Feb 25, 2018 18:51:00 GMT -5 willdawg80 said:

missparkle, can you tell me more about devs?

Gladly, I could tell you everything you want to know. Can you tell me more about pwds?  You have to understand though, that although there are some common characteristics, every dev is story for itself, just like every pwd is.

[willdawg80]

Sure, I'll tell you everything you want to know about pwds, but like you said, we're all individuals with different stories. Ask away.

[A££Y "Cuddles" Magoo]

Feb 25, 2018 13:01:09 GMT -5 PacMan said:

Feb 25, 2018 5:17:20 GMT -5 missparkle said:

I have really dichotomy feelings about this. I definitely DO love it, it is the strongest, deepest and most powerful feeling that I know. However, I believe it would be much easier without it.
So my question is - if you could get rid of your devness, if there was a "cure", would you take it? I believe I would.

So if you like these feelings then why would you want to get rid of them?

yeah, I've asked this question in various scenarios to countless devs and this is what I'm always left with. I'm mostly at peace with it, but sometimes witnessing that endless tug of war can be a real bummer.

[laur]

Feb 25, 2018 18:57:50 GMT -5 missparkle said:

But!!! It is not enough that The One is SCI, not even close, damn me, we have to align on so many other, different levels, too. We have to have same outlook on life, compatible characters, similar beliefs, system of value, same wishes and goals in life...

Now, what do you think, what are the chances ever to find all that, in one single person?!

Oh my goodness, THIS. Except I actually am currently in that whole situation where I'm happy in most ways with my AB partner, but do feel that unending sense that I'm never going to be fully satisfied (especially in terms of my sex life in our partnership - ugh). It totally sucks. My AB partner is a super wonderful dude too in many other ways. It's just I'm always going to envision my dream dude with SCI and have a giant part of sexual attraction around that, so I always have a piece of me that feels a bit lost. On the other hand, nothing else brings me this level of attraction and sexual excitement, so I wouldn't want to not be a dev and lose that aspect of me. So, I feel you completely!

[lucretia]

I would. No question.

I didn't always feel this way. A few years into PD I thought being a dev was the best thing ever! But...

Maybe I'm just getting old, but I'm super done with the complexity of it. I don't have guilt or shame, I don't hide it, although I don't shout from the rooftops anymore. It's just tiring having this difference that almost no one understands.

I've had the best of all worlds. I've raised a family and have children and grandchildren. I've also had the wheeler of my dreams.

So now, if there was a cure, I'd take it in a New York minute and spend the second half of my life in blissful normalcy, or at least dev-free.

[SouthernCalGal]

Feb 25, 2018 20:44:32 GMT -5 lucretia said:

I would. No question.

I didn't always feel this way. A few years into PD I thought being a dev was the best thing ever! But...

Maybe I'm just getting old, but I'm super done with the complexity of it. I don't have guilt or shame, I don't hide it, although I don't shout from the rooftops anymore. It's just tiring having this difference that almost no one understands.

I've had the best of all worlds. I've raised a family and have children and grandchildren. I've also had the wheeler of my dreams.

So now, if there was a cure, I'd take it in a New York minute and spend the second half of my life in blissful u, or at least dev-free.

This makes me sad- I don't know why -really, true feelings. There has to be a reason we are who we are. But, why?

[kat]

Nah, I wouldn't take a cure. I think devness is a cool thing about me, and I don't feel guilty for liking what I like. It does make dating harder, but so do a bunch of other variables in people's lives. I can deal with that.

[PacMan]

Feb 25, 2018 18:57:50 GMT -5 missparkle said:

Feb 25, 2018 13:01:09 GMT -5 PacMan said:

So if you like these feelings then why would you want to get rid of them?

PacMan , simply, because they are giving me hard time. And it is not only about self-doubt and shameful feelings, this board and some great people I met here will help me to get rid of that part, sooner or latter.

It is more about having a constant need, that is not very likely to ever be fulfilled. It is like pain in the ass you can't get rid of. 🙂 Like a really bad itch that is always there, and you can't reach to scratch it! I don't want (just) a sex with a wheeler. I am complete dev 🙂 , not incomplete 😀. For me, to shag someone in chair would be very exciting and huge turn on, but not enough, not even close. 🙂 If it was the case, it would be very, very easy. You know, those guys... 🙂 I believe there is always some who would gladly volunteer for some shagging. For noble purposes, of course - to put my poor dev at ease. But!!! It is not all that I want. I want a life with SCI. I want ALL that shit to be part of my life, too. My everyday life, every single day. Since I can remember, when I imagine "fairy tale life" I imagine it with SCI. I could never be completely happy and satisfied with AB partner. No matter how great he would be. "That part" would always be missing, it just doesn't feel "right", it doesn't align with my perfect idealized picture. Image in my head is somehow "twisted". And as I can understand there are other devs, who feel very similar. Just if you read PD... There are some great women, married to great guys, have children, live in happy marriages etc... And still miss "that"...

But!!! It is not enough that The One is SCI, not even close, damn me, we have to align on so many other, different levels, too. We have to have same outlook on life, compatible characters, similar beliefs, system of value, same wishes and goals in life...

Now, what do you think, what are the chances ever to find all that, in one single person?!

I hear where you’re coming from and I have good news and bad news for you if you like, bad news first I think. I’m not a wheeler with a SCI however I am a wheeler with type 3 OI. Good news though is just because I’m a really since guy I’ll let you shag me anytime you want if you're ever in Ireland. lol Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know I’m a really good nice guy for saying I’m here for you to use my body but that’s just the kinda guy I am! PMSL!!!!

Seriously though missparkle , I actually think you can have all of what you’re looking for and no need to feel ashamed of it, have you never thought of joining a disabled dating site? Take it from me I’ve joining a few and found there to be way too many disabled people than there were people looking to date us.

Honestly do it and who knows perhaps that wheeler you’ve been dreaming off and searching for might only be a click away. Good luck.