|
Post by bunster on Jun 4, 2018 15:01:45 GMT -5
So you are a dev hanging out on a site that doesn't want/like devs? Do they know you are a dev??
|
|
|
Post by bunster on Jun 4, 2018 15:09:27 GMT -5
as i said i did not even know what a dev was before i chatted at this other chat site. when i saw the word devotee i googled the term and knew then that i was most likely one but i didn't find this site here until weeks after fruitlessly using keywords to find it. i did not tell them i was one but i didn't not say i was not. almost everyone in the chat is a PWD. i asked if it was ok if i was there even if i was not a PWD but my bf was. they were very nice but as i also said rather cliquish. and they answered my questions and were very nice. but everyone knew everyone else it seemed so after a few times i stopped going and found this site. i really want to expand on why i think i am a dev and the reason why but i think i need to be a little more comfortable before i do.
|
|
|
Post by TotalBias on Jun 4, 2018 15:12:57 GMT -5
Catfish is usually “too perfect to be true”, not “too challenging to be possible”. You raise an interesting point. I’ve never had that experience with a catfish, but I have met guys online who came up with tons of reasons why we couldn’t meet IRL, even if I offered plenty of plausible scenarios to make it happen. I think it’s entirely possible that he could not be lying about his living situation/care, but lying about wanting to meet. Personally, I wouldn’t put myself in a situation that I didn’t fully believe had serious potential to work out long term... and if I stopped believing that, I would end it. That’s just my personal preference tho. I’m sure some people could feel fulfilled with a virtual romance that never bloomed into reality, but physicality is way too important to me to not pursue it early on and in earnest.
|
|
|
Post by someonerandom on Jun 4, 2018 16:43:32 GMT -5
If that guy is real then I feel bad for him. Being the blasphemer I am and with my perverted activities I could never live with a holy Christian.
Do you know if he is his own guardian? I just watched the new John Oliver and it made me think of this thread:
I don't work with elderly but the disabled, mostly younger, and a lot of them have family members who they are wards of. Sometimes it is frustrating because the guardian hinders them from doing what they want to do, which in some cases is understandable.
|
|
|
Post by Green on Jun 4, 2018 16:51:59 GMT -5
It's not catfishing, it's just lying. There is no reason to believe the story, and that the other guys on that website claim that the situation is common suggests that she is being manipulated. That this mysterious website has gone unnamed suggests shady things about the website. It works to bring pity. Indeed it is strange, but some people go to great lengths once they find out the ways a person is easily manipulated. For a guy who does literally nothing with his life, trolling other people would be pretty fun, especially among like-minded trolls.
Bunster, it is very possible that you are just really uninformed about the lives of disabled people. It sounds like you don't even know you were a devotee until a few months ago, which makes it sound like you never explored this part of yourself.
The reality is, this kind of stuff doesn't happen. If it does happen, signs of depression will show up, and few people besides the abuser will be present in their daily life. If this did occur, I think you would be obligated morally speaking to get help rather than accept that these things commonly happen and people just deal with it. (And if you truly believe him, you should do this - it will quickly become apparent if he is lying or not. If he were telling the truth, you'd be saving his life).
On average, caretakers won't be cockblocks, they will understand that they are caretakers, not parents. As long as the disabled guy has confidence in himself, he will be able to talk about his desires and the sort of privacy he wants. Disabled guys may feel trapped in their situation, but it's actually due to their mindset. A little explanation goes a long way for a caretaker, rather than assuming what caretakers will think or how they will judge you.
|
|
|
Post by lucretia on Jun 4, 2018 17:08:26 GMT -5
I'm a liar...
I would hazard a guess the site is one we all know well: CareCure.
The guy who was the worst pretender we've yet encountered here was a regular there. Still is there, last I checked.
He used a cath (visible during Skype), rented an accessible van with hand controls, had photos of him in his house, Skyped when his wife and kids weren't around...
And he was a pretty regular poster here for 10 years.
CareCure is chock full of pretenders. It's a shame they hate devs because we are the best at sniffing the pretenders out.
😂😂😂😂
I thought I would stay out but I'm so curious about what the site is.
|
|
|
Post by Manda2212 on Jun 4, 2018 17:27:00 GMT -5
If he is just a quad with no TBI or severe mental illness or other cognitive impairment I cannot see that they would have awarded guardianship to someone else. It is very hard and getting harder to even obtain guardianship for elders with pretty advanced dementia that are borderline unsafe to be in the community without 24 hour supervision. It takes a long time and many court dates to convince judges to take someone's autonomy away. But who knows...I guess anything is possible. Especially if it were 20 years ago.
|
|
|
Post by bunster on Jun 4, 2018 18:16:59 GMT -5
I’ll be in the total minority but, I actually believe this guys story. It’s pretty understandable for a guy who has extremely limited independence and little experience with women. He is probably on the wrong end of an unhealthy power balance, and is so comfortable/used to the status quo, making him afraid to disrupt anything. It’s not ideal, but it seems like a pretty strange way to catfish if that was really his intent. I think very few people catfish by making themselves seem like an impossible scenario. Catfish is usually “too perfect to be true”, not “too challenging to be possible”. thank you! i have had that thought myself as he had admitted to me he has not had sex in 18 years. so maybe he is afraid to meet me because he thinks sexually he may not please me. but i know he would, i am totally open to any and all ways to make him happy and him to make me happy. and it has ONLY BEEN two months! i am very willing to be patient. i am not looking for anyone else atm and like i have said on paper we are perfect together. along with the sex chat/phone sex we also talk for hours about all kinds of things. to ME he is worth the wait
|
|
|
Post by bunster on Jun 4, 2018 18:18:05 GMT -5
I'm a liar... I would hazard a guess the site is one we all know well: CareCure. The guy who was the worst pretender we've yet encountered here was a regular there. Still is there, last I checked. He used a cath (visible during Skype), rented an accessible van with hand controls, had photos of him in his house, Skyped when his wife and kids weren't around... And he was a pretty regular poster here for 10 years. CareCure is chock full of pretenders. It's a shame they hate devs because we are the best at sniffing the pretenders out. 😂😂😂😂 I thought I would stay out but I'm so curious about what the site is.
|
|
|
Post by bunster on Jun 4, 2018 18:24:14 GMT -5
he has people over. he goes out on outings with friends. she allows this because she knows they pose no "moral danger". i am new to the concept of being a dev but the first orgasm i ever at like age 13 came while i was reading a book with a paralyzed man as one of the first characters. since then i have experienced most of my orgasms with fantasies of paralyzed men. and no the site is not CareCure. i just came across it before i found this site and it was the first time i ever heard the term devotee as in if you are one you will be ejected. i am hot i am tired and i am at the point where i don't think i need to prove myself. as stupid as this sounds i have such deep feelings for this guy. i so not feel i am wasting my time at all and if i do get to that point i will move on.
|
|
|
Post by matisse on Jun 4, 2018 23:01:25 GMT -5
bunster, since he does not work, how does he pay her? While he may need her, she may need him. So he would not necessarily have to just do whatever she says.
|
|
|
Post by bunster on Jun 5, 2018 1:35:41 GMT -5
bunster , since he does not work, how does he pay her? While he may need her, she may need him. So he would not necessarily have to just do whatever she says. from what i understand the state he lives in pays her for being his aide. and as i have said she has a my house my rules kind of thing and may have other PWD waiting to take over if he leaves. perhaps because the state they live in has this money available there may be people wanting to find someone like her with a house they can move into.
|
|
|
Post by devogirl on Jun 5, 2018 7:34:36 GMT -5
I think very few people catfish by making themselves seem like an impossible scenario. Catfish is usually “too perfect to be true”, not “too challenging to be possible”. Not true, I have seen it happen here before. There are many people who just want to string someone along online for years with no intention of meeting in person, usually because they are pretenders or married or both. Pretenders who prey on devs do not usually ask for money, and often their (invented) life stories are bizarre. A con man is not successful because he can tell the most airtight lie, but because he can persuade you to want to believe him no matter what. Once you are emotionally invested, you will fill in all the gaps and convince yourself of every lie, no matter how outrageous. We'd all like to think that we are too smart and sophisticated to be taken in by a faker. When you hear these stories as a bystander, it's all so obvious. But when you are the target, the emotional rush of thinking you have found your one perfect dream man makes you explain away all the lies because you want so badly for it to be true. Ditto for a bad relationship with a real disabled guy. You want it so much that you do everything you can to make it work even when it's obvious the relationship is no good. I wasted years of my life chasing "perfect" guys who really, really weren't.
|
|
|
Post by Green on Jun 5, 2018 15:29:23 GMT -5
and as i have said she has a my house my rules kind of thing and may have other PWD waiting to take over if he leaves. perhaps because the state they live in has this money available there may be people wanting to find someone like her with a house they can move into. No, there wouldn't be, this arrangement does not occur for someone like him. I don't think you'd even find somebody who wants to do that. It would only happen if the person is a family member. In which case, there is no one else to move into her house. This is why I suggested that you don't have nearly enough experience with disabled people. It doesn't sound like you are very aware of the autonomy available to us, or what the actual obstacles are. This is fine, I just hope you take the time to teach yourself more.
|
|
|
Post by bunster on Jun 5, 2018 15:53:13 GMT -5
"Adult Placement Services help aging or disabled adults find appropriate living and healthcare arrangements when their health, safety, and well-being can no longer be maintained at home. Placement arrangements are made in adult care homes, nursing homes, other substitute homes, residential health care settings, or institutions. Adults and their families receive help to complete medical evaluations and financial applications, and locate and move to new settings. They also may receive counseling to help them adjust to the change."
SO his falls into the residential health care settings!!!
|
|