Are caregivers cockblocks?

[TotalBias]

For those of you guys who have caregivers, do you feel like they make you less approachable/less able to approach people?

Devotees, do you feel like the presence of caregivers stops you from approaching PWD?

Why, or why not?

[TotalBias]

For me, I totally think caregivers can be cockblocks. For example, if I think a PWD is attractive, but they’re with a caregiver in public, I rarely approach them and start up a conversation. In some weird way, I see caregivers almost like bodyguards.

On the flip side, I got increasingly annoyed when I was dating Cole (SMA Type II) and people would approach him, assuming I was his caregiver and not his girlfriend. This mostly happened at raves, but often women would hug or kiss on him without a second thought, which they would have never done had they realized we were dating.

For devs who have been in this situation, how do you tell/determine if a person accompanying a PWD is just a caregiver, or a friend/partner?

[matisse]

They're cockblockers for sure. Even for me, as a married guy, they have managed to block my cock many times. Just by being around when ordinarily no one would be. One of them has even managed to cockblock me from my own self LOL, which is quite a feat.

[pdrive1872]

Short answer: yes. Long answer: YESSSSS.

I mean I will say this. I have a PCA who is cool as shit and I'm pretty sure she's not joking when she offers to do shit like hire me strippers and stuff but like, if I was with her in public, guaranteed she'd be a buffer.

There's another layer to the whole thing, too. When I was about 18 or so I was talking to my mom about dating, and it was a TERRIBLE conversation on many levels (including her telling me that no AB woman would want to date me, or something similar) but also her talking about how within inter-ability relationships, the AB lover should never be the caregiver because of the strain it'd put on the relationship and I'm like "WHAT?!" For one, if my lover really felt that hard done by, she obviously doesn't love me that much, but also, how fucking awkward would it be to wait for staff in order to get down to some sexy time? It's also why I only ever really want to date AB women. Sexual logistics are a thing!

[robbb]

I'm not confident enough to approach a wheeler in public but if I was I wouldn't approach him if he had a caregiver with him.

It might be a caregiver but it might be their husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, whatever and I don't think any of them would want some strange guy hitting on their man in front of them.

So yes caregivers can be cockblockers.

R.

[darthoso]

It really depends on the dynamic you've got with the PCA. Mine generally know they don't need to hover and when I'm fine with them disappearing, especially if I'm with friends. A good PCA can be an advantage with logistic, no judgment, no questions, her job is to just get me home alive. In college a lot of my PCAs would just be available if I needed them (by phone, from across the bar, etc). Best dynamic is to just hire friends that way outsiders have no idea who your PCA is, or if you even have one. No PCA can also be daunting because it puts a lot of the logistics on the partner, sometimes just having a PCA across the hall is helpful. Having a date try to put on my chest strap was a wonderfully awkward cluster fuck.

That said I've definitely had PCAs I wouldn't want around, to the point I've flipped the schedule around so the better PCA would be working if I had a date (I plan like crazy). I interviewed one guy (a very evangelical christian) who straight up told me "I'm not going to be okay if you start bringing girls over, but as a Special Ed Major I know that's not a likely scenario since you're disabled, so I think this is going to be a good match."

[newjess]

Mar 20, 2018 17:15:41 GMT -5 darthoso said:

I interviewed one guy (a very evangelical christian) who straight up told me "I'm not going to be okay if you start bringing girls over, but as a Special Ed Major I know that's not a likely scenario since you're disabled, so I think this is going to be a good match."

Omg are you serious?!?! Wtf?! I seriously want to punch that guy in the balls.

[pdrive1872]

Mar 20, 2018 17:37:34 GMT -5 newjess said:

Mar 20, 2018 17:15:41 GMT -5 darthoso said:

I interviewed one guy (a very evangelical christian) who straight up told me "I'm not going to be okay if you start bringing girls over, but as a Special Ed Major I know that's not a likely scenario since you're disabled, so I think this is going to be a good match."

Omg are you serious?!?! Wtf?! I seriously want to punch that guy in the balls.

Seriously, WOW.

[A££Y "Cuddles" Magoo]

I'll admit this question puzzled me when I first read it cause I couldn't understand why a PWD would feel like that but then I realized that I simply can't relate to this because firstly, I would never think about the possibility of someone showing me any interest in public thus, in turn, I would never dream of approaching anybody myself. It may sound awful but to me, that would be like finding 1000 bucks on the ground haha. 2. as of right now, I've never had a caregiver that would be able to go with me everywhere, at most she'll go to 5pm movie with me or take me to the doctor or something, and that's really above and beyond, as far as I'm aware, getting dinner and light cleaning is the max most will do. That said, going to a party or rave with a psw sounds completely ridiculous to me regardless of whether it was possible or not. Not that I'm a party person to begin with, but if I were to go to a party there'd be no way I'd go with a psw. It might be worth mentioning that my psw is a 60 old Christian, so it might be different if I had a real buddy buddy caregiver but the fact is I never have so it's hard to put my head in that space.

[TotalBias]

Mar 20, 2018 17:15:41 GMT -5 darthoso said:

I interviewed one guy (a very evangelical christian) who straight up told me "I'm not going to be okay if you start bringing girls over, but as a Special Ed Major I know that's not a likely scenario since you're disabled, so I think this is going to be a good match."

[

..... where do these people spawn from?

[TotalBias]

Mar 20, 2018 16:10:53 GMT -5 matisse said:

They're cockblockers for sure. Even for me, as a married guy, they have managed to block my cock many times. Just by being around when ordinarily no one would be. One of them has even managed to cockblock me from my own self LOL, which is quite a feat.

*dying* I needed this in my life today. Lmao.

[darthoso]

Mar 20, 2018 19:08:25 GMT -5 TotalBias said:

Mar 20, 2018 17:15:41 GMT -5 darthoso said:

I interviewed one guy (a very evangelical christian) who straight up told me "I'm not going to be okay if you start bringing girls over, but as a Special Ed Major I know that's not a likely scenario since you're disabled, so I think this is going to be a good match."

[

..... where do these people spawn from?

North Carolina

[Sir Paul]

Mar 20, 2018 17:15:41 GMT -5 darthoso said:

That said I've definitely had PCAs I wouldn't want around, to the point I've flipped the schedule around so the better PCA would be working if I had a date (I plan like crazy). I interviewed one guy (a very evangelical christian) who straight up told me "I'm not going to be okay if you start bringing girls over, but as a Special Ed Major I know that's not a likely scenario since you're disabled, so I think this is going to be a good match."

Christ, man. Wait, poor choice of expletive. I hope this idiot changed his major. 

[newjess]

Mar 20, 2018 19:32:13 GMT -5 myrrh said:

The question puzzled me for a different reason. For a lot of guys on here, PCAs aren't really optional if they want to head down to the Chilly Javelina for a froyo. The PCA is there to facilitate the PWD's autonomy. If you're into PWDs with higher-impact disabilities, you know that PCAs are part of the package. A conversation like this can only serve to unnecessarily instill self-consciousness in someone who needs that extra pair of hands.

Or... It can serve to open up conversation around something that is a reality? Even matisse mentioned that his own PCA cock blocked him from himself (lol). Also, maybe a dev might be into higher impact disabilities but navigating the whole PCA side of it still might take some getting used to. And to be fair, the OP referred specifically to "approaching" PWD with a PCA (how do you know they are a PCA? What if they are a significant other?). I think it's good to discuss these things openly because they are a reality, whether that's ideal or not. Maybe this conversation would do the opposite of instilling self-consciousness and actually foster confidence and understanding around the topic.

[pdrive1872]

Mar 20, 2018 19:28:10 GMT -5 darthoso said:

Mar 20, 2018 19:08:25 GMT -5 TotalBias said:

[

..... where do these people spawn from?

North Carolina

As someone in NC the truth of this hits hard.