Michael
Junior Member
Hi, my name is Michael, looking to chat...
Posts: 99
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by Michael on Apr 12, 2018 14:17:08 GMT -5
Maybe that's why I am struggling then? For me, if I hate my disability so much (maybe I'm lacking intellect) how on earth can a DEV find my DIS 'interesting'? I'm usually an open guy and I am feeling a little comfortable knowing that there are people who may not judge me. I will try Shape. It's not about intellect, but positivity and time, I guess. Just take it easy. Yeah, sure will and with time and patience I'm positive I will get there.
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Post by Utahquad on Apr 12, 2018 18:04:58 GMT -5
To each is their own and without a doubt some people were just raise different than others and depending on who they surround themselves with is going to determine the outcome in how they think. Of the Wheeler friends I have had, when on the subject of devs came up it was encouraging thinking about what women we might encounter who might be into a Wheeler. Whether they knew it or not, and in my experience some don't but would only open up to a guy who has a disability because people in their life might not agree with such a thing. We are luminous beings and are only on this planet for a relative time so in my humble opinion I think we should all take a chance and step outside the comfort zone every once in a while just to feel like you're alive.
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djj8891
Junior Member
29 SCI quadriplegic
Posts: 63
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by djj8891 on Apr 15, 2018 0:44:21 GMT -5
Unfortunately, I’ve never seen a pro-dev guy in the wild, and the topic seems to only come up as a negative, although almost exclusively from females who experienced male devs. I made the same observation. A friend of mine posted an interview with a dev. He has many acquaintances with connections to disability, so there was quite a discussion evolving about the interview and devs in general. Most females said that they wouldn't want to be liked for their disability, but for their inner values. Most males expressed that they couldn't see the difference to any other fetish. While I'm not convinced that devness is just like any other fetish, those comments leave some hope for acceptance of devs. I have seen pro-dev guys in the wild, but not many. (Maybe that's because I don't see many disabled guys in the wild. Where are you??) Hi! I'm David and I'm a 29yo SCI Quad C3-C5 since '09. American born South Korean here. Personally I'm not offended by female devs or attraction to the disability. We all know that a wheeler (esp men) will have a harder time getting a date from AB women, it makes me feel like some kind of disabled predator. Fetish or not, after 9 years of rejection it gets demoralizing. As bad as it sounds I'll take w/e I can get as long as I can finally be intimate w/ someone. That does not mean just sex, I'm truly looking for something real.
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bigguy1155
New Member
Posts: 4
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: It's complicated
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Post by bigguy1155 on Apr 27, 2018 11:47:13 GMT -5
Only heard the term dev, a few weeks ago. Thinking back on my life, I'm both an amputee and a dev. I have a special place in my heart for "disabled" people. & ya, especially females. I don't think its a fetish as much as a longing to help another human being. thanks for letting me ramble...
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j
Junior Member
Hold on .. If it's A good thing baby!
Posts: 83
Gender: Male
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Post by j on May 17, 2018 10:42:54 GMT -5
The whole dev thing after learning about such thing.made me hopeful but.... than sad
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Post by mona on May 17, 2018 12:05:24 GMT -5
The whole dev thing after learning about such thing.made me hopeful but.... than sad Why sad?
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Post by Manda2212 on May 17, 2018 12:23:40 GMT -5
The whole dev thing after learning about such thing.made me hopeful but.... than sad Why sad? What she said.
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j
Junior Member
Hold on .. If it's A good thing baby!
Posts: 83
Gender: Male
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Post by j on May 17, 2018 15:32:42 GMT -5
Well the reason why it makes me sad Is that I've been on a chair now for 18 years and never have an I met a dev or someone who accepted me all of me. In fact, I've only experienced the other side of being put down by people not being good enough to the general from nothing with more to prove and more to be better if I want to compete And I haven't been on a date in years....embarrassed to even say how many I can't remember the last time I had a women's touch I crave human interaction yet it seems too rare even not normal Like a perve, all of a sudden its wrong to just want to fck just to be a sexual man . when I find out that there are women who would fit more with someone in my situation it hurts my heart to know they are hidden or living a split lifestyles cause of society structure it is already rare against all odds to find someone who would be best in a relationship with a wheeler to know some people just due to circumstances never presided it makes me sad now in my life, things are harder than it was at the start of paralysis I would be greatly appreciated for the help or a hand even in little things. it seems like certain people where designed that way not as a problem but for a reason and they should be with those who click I'm not judging cause I know what it is to live with a lot underneath my skin and everything that comes with that way I understand everything that can come with these but to me its LIKE looking at squares who pretend to be squares when they know they are a circles deep down a lot is against me and I should have my allies on my side yet it feels they are none existent or hidden and not applicable I don't mean to offend any devs going through struggling
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j
Junior Member
Hold on .. If it's A good thing baby!
Posts: 83
Gender: Male
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Post by j on May 17, 2018 15:35:16 GMT -5
I wish it was like this for me but sadly that might just be dream so it seems
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Post by mona on May 17, 2018 23:53:48 GMT -5
Thank you j for your long and honest answer.
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el_steveo
Junior Member
Posts: 71
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by el_steveo on May 18, 2018 0:20:29 GMT -5
one time I tried to get my buddy who had sma to join this site. he was border line offended when I told him what it was about. it makes me sad because he passed away without ever knowing love.
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Post by pam on May 18, 2018 11:09:32 GMT -5
View AttachmentI wish it was like this for me but sadly that might just be dream so it seems I sincerely hope your dream comes true.
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deliverator
New Member
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” - Gandalf
Posts: 29
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by deliverator on May 18, 2018 18:39:13 GMT -5
Most of us disabled guys aren't seen in the wild because it is very very hard to access it - inaccessible trains, buses, planes and infrastructure and a lack of money to get there. We spend our time surviving. And then there is the fact that many people are conditioned to find disabled bodies repellent and we wind up hating ourselves and even other disabled people. I don't, but god its hard finding others who like us for what we are. To find people who do is like finding a diamond on the floor at Woolies. That's why I'm (very, very) cautiously venturing in here. Yeah, I was gonna say that, particularly in certain countries (but really most of the world, TBH), accessibility is a HUGE problem. I also feel a certain level of caution venturing in here. I had a discussion with my roommate about joining this site, and it didn't go well.
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evan
New Member
Posts: 9
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Post by evan on May 19, 2018 1:08:34 GMT -5
Sounds to me like he's given up and I would know, I've given up many times but I keep coming back. I just recently discovered devoteeism (I don't think it's a fetish) and I have to say it has given me new hope. I never considered my disability to be an attractive quality, it appears I was wrong. I also hope this man continues to try and reach out, but he has to rediscover hope first. Without hope I'm not sure how far one can go.
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deliverator
New Member
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.” - Gandalf
Posts: 29
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by deliverator on May 19, 2018 20:05:49 GMT -5
It's a good question, myrrh, and I salute evan's insightful comment... a lot of people who've been marginalized in certain ways (not just the disabled) just don't feel comfortable socializing or discussing themselves, period, online or in person.
Now, ultimately, this is each individual's problem to deal with. For an online community, though, the key to making it maximally welcoming to whatever people you're designing the community for* is good moderation. YMMV, but I've generally been driven away, either passively or actively, from groups with poor enforcement of rules, cynical and self-serving or hypocritical moderators, etc. You're still not going to be able to "get" everyone in your target demographic—in this case disabled men—but showing that you mean it about creating a safe space for someone can really go a long way towards getting them to open up.
Matt
*It's not actually possible to create a community that's welcoming to "everyone," because "everyone" includes, say, Nazis, and if you welcome them, well, obviously, you're making a whole bunch of other folks unwelcome.
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