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Post by just1888 on Mar 10, 2019 17:57:24 GMT -5
Hello everyone,
It's good to be back here. There are loads of single disabled people out in the world, like myself. Most of the clubs/ dating scenes are for the able or the learning disabled.
I work from home so there's no meeting anyone at work. It's also almost impossible to find a devotee in the wild. Anybody going through the same problem? Or any tips?
PS every time I start a new thread people start arguing so I hope I didn't say anything wrong this time.
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Post by turbo234 on Mar 10, 2019 19:37:21 GMT -5
You're not alone man. Even finding single devs here seems to be a challenge.
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Post by mike on Mar 11, 2019 5:31:14 GMT -5
It does seem as if, for some obscure reason, devs don't wear signs. It would be easier to spot them if they would just wear a simple sign, but they don't. Go figure.
Seriously though, even under ideal circumstances females are pretty coy about what they find attractive, and if there is some emotional charge they are even more reticent to reveal what they find attractive. PWD are of course easier to spot, but that isn't helpful when female devs don't make the first move.
I did have the experience of dating a dev once, but at the time I had no idea there was such a thing, so instead of being fulfilling it was just confusing to me. Many years later when I found out about devs everything made sense, but it was way too late to do anything about it. Now I have dev friends which is wonderful.
As a general rule, if you meet a lady here she's probably a dev, but the type of disability she is attracted to might not be obvious, sometimes even to her. Besides that, devs are rarely one-dimensional, so all the other parts (age, ideals, personality etc.) are also important. The likelihood of meeting one that fits your ideals, and importantly likes you back is pretty remote. If you're in a wheelchair, but what she finds interesting is blindness, she probably won't be forthcoming at the start.
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Post by devogirl on Mar 11, 2019 6:27:15 GMT -5
The answer is simple, there are very very very few of us in the world. It's super uncommon. Also women are taught to repress their sexual feelings so even fewer women devs are self-aware, and even fewer of those who are self-aware would ever admit it to a close partner, let alone a random stranger.
If you really want to meet a dev, try going to a disabled sports event. Chances are also higher among PTs, nurses or others working with physical disabilities. But in the general population, the chances are incredibly small.
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Post by linda on Mar 11, 2019 8:59:26 GMT -5
The answer is simple, there are very very very few of us in the world. It's super uncommon. Also women are taught to repress their sexual feelings so even fewer women devs are self-aware, and even fewer of those who are self-aware would ever admit it to a close partner, let alone a random stranger. If you really want to meet a dev, try going to a disabled sports event. Chances are also higher among PTs, nurses or others working with physical disabilities. But in the general population, the chances are incredibly small. That’s kind of frustrating, because I came to think recently that there are much more of us than I first expected - which actually was me alone on the entire planet... But it seems to be more common than I thought. I remember reading in some threads here about observations that children played with their puppets in a devvy way. |
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Post by Braced4Impact on Mar 11, 2019 14:24:14 GMT -5
The best thing you can do is try to expand your search to non-devs who are PWD-friendly/accepting. As stated here, they're exceptionally rare, and also, as stated, many are in denial even to themselves. You may meet a dev in the wild, but they'd be so guarded with their feelings, you'd never suspect it. If you find a dev, that's awesome, but if you expand your search beyond clubs/bars, beyond PD, and beyond dating sites, you'll probably find someone who likes you. Have some interests or hobbies that you can get into, and if there's a large enough presence of women in the same interest, you may find someone that way. I think this can be better than finding a dev, in some regards, because you have something in common to begin with. I'm single, there are devs who are single, but I don't think some of us would be good matches as we have so little in common. So, don't give up, and don't give up on devs, but try to be realistic and keep your options open.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2019 19:11:41 GMT -5
I also feel that devs are very rare; to me personally I feel the same way about disabled guys I'm attracted to, very rare and none in my close proximities. I do get out, work outside the house even in healthcare, do things outside my house, go out with friends and it's the rarest thing for me to see a guy in a chair that I would be attracted to.
As for able bodied guys, there are plenty, just as there are plenty of non dev women who you may find attractive.
You shouldn't only focus on finding a dev because the chance is so slim to find one and if you do she may be into different disabilities or other things won't match.
Hang out with friends, try to find places you could get into, find a hobby you could pursue or if you have one get out with it, and don't hide your disability on a dating app. Personally I feel that would be a red flag for me if I would be looking and would find out the guy was hiding the disability.
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loreley
Full Member
Posts: 204
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: In a relationship
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Post by loreley on Mar 11, 2019 19:45:31 GMT -5
I really think a lot has to do with location. If you live somewhere rather inaccessible, chances are slim a PWD would choose to live there. I live close to a large rehabilitation centre and many former SCI patients stay in the area because of infrastructure, medical suppliers, because they found jobs there or the love of their life etc.,so I see several (young and attractive) wheelers and other PWDs on a daily basis. There are also lots of activities and sports events taking place in the area, often for anyone to join, and I am sure at least some of the single women who go there are devs.
So I would recommend what has already been said - go out as much as you can, find some dance/sport/other social event where you can make new friends and see how things develop - I would not focus on online dating, it is so easy to dismiss someone for purely superficial reasons and with just a click.
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Post by just1888 on Apr 16, 2019 17:41:31 GMT -5
I really think a lot has to do with location. If you live somewhere rather inaccessible, chances are slim a PWD would choose to live there. I live close to a large rehabilitation centre and many former SCI patients stay in the area because of infrastructure, medical suppliers, because they found jobs there or the love of their life etc.,so I see several (young and attractive) wheelers and other PWDs on a daily basis. There are also lots of activities and sports events taking place in the area, often for anyone to join, and I am sure at least some of the single women who go there are devs. So I would recommend what has already been said - go out as much as you can, find some dance/sport/other social event where you can make new friends and see how things develop - I would not focus on online dating, it is so easy to dismiss someone for purely superficial reasons and with just a click. I agree, I have the same problem except all the activities are for the learning disabled around my area  |
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Post by SouthernCalGal on Apr 16, 2019 22:40:58 GMT -5
The answer is simple, there are very very very few of us in the world. It's super uncommon. Also women are taught to repress their sexual feelings so even fewer women devs are self-aware, and even fewer of those who are self-aware would ever admit it to a close partner, let alone a random stranger. If you really want to meet a dev, try going to a disabled sports event. Chances are also higher among PTs, nurses or others working with physical disabilities. But in the general population, the chances are incredibly small. Or, volunteers at these events 😊!! |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2019 6:29:43 GMT -5
I think the crux of it is, who knows that they are? Who knows there's a name for it? And even then, who's confident enough to embrace it?
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Post by feelsunshine on Apr 21, 2019 12:19:16 GMT -5
I guess devs and pwd face the same problems here. It's also hard for devs to find or spot someone who is that type we are looking for. And if you do, the moment most of the time passes by so fast, that you don't even get the chance to react.
But still: never give up.
I think (or: hope!) that for every PWD is at least one person out there who matches, same as for us devs...
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