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Post by cilantro on Sept 24, 2019 17:21:02 GMT -5
One of my friend groups has a pact to set each other up with people, so I'm thinking I might "come out" just so that I can stop giving them super complicated vague-yet-specific descriptions of what I'm looking for. Last night I actually tested those waters and came out to my first friend. What a blessing. He was totally gentle and kind about it, wanted to know more, and commented on how my language really glows when I'm open about my desires. To be fair, I trust that the majority of my friends would have the same generous reaction and it would make our dating games much easier, but there's still some shame lingering from the early 2000s that I think will make it a slow process. It's encouraging to know, though, that for everybody I've told so far in full (all 2 of them) it hasn't changed their understanding of who I am as a person, but has only added to it!
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Post by SouthernCalGal on Sept 24, 2019 17:23:44 GMT -5
rebeca, yes, what you said makes sense. I would start a conversation like " So do you have any fetishes? What do you like in bed? " And then smoothly hit them with the disabled men bomb!
I am so okay with this and very open about fetishes however, the disabled men bomb - I can't do it. Only 4 people in my life know - 2 from when I was about 18 and I "confessed" and my best friend and someone who I no longer see or talk with. Oh, and everybody here .
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rebeca
Full Member
Posts: 162
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by rebeca on Sept 24, 2019 18:14:39 GMT -5
Wow, you seem to be the first dev here who I read who is or was not confused or anything when initially finding out. So how was your dev-evolution like? Have you been confused or not knowing where to put your feelings at all? When did you find out that you like PWDs? Hey Sunshine, it's nice you asked: I'm thinking through this as well-- where this whole dev thing came from etc. I didn't exactly 'find out'. The first movie I saw was when I was about 3 years old. The hero was a disabled man who walked with crutches and had braces. Baam! I fell in love. Since then in my brain I think I just always equated desirable men with men who had a disability. Long before I knew what sex was or what masturbation was (like age 7-8) I fantasised about disabled men. So I always knew that I had this thing, just didn't worry about it. I had plenty traumatic life choices to deal with, a sexual kink wasn't something worth worrying about. It never seemed like a very big deal to me. I'm a private person and not likely to talk about my intimate desires with most people, but people I shared that with like friends and bpyfriends, didn't seem out of the norm either. That was just what was normal. I just never thought that being turned on my disability was something that awful that I needed to hide it. It was just what I liked. I also like pineapples, so:) About 10 years ago, I wondered if anyone else felt the same way as this-- I already knew that many women fantasised about having sex with blind men, as some of the women I spoke to had said and they didnt consider themselves out of the norm or a devotee or anything. I googled it, found the devotee word, found PD, talked to a woman from this board and decided how much easier to get 'porn' here (the stories) than spending hours trawling the internet, and that was that! It's just sex, it's only a small part of who I am...
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Post by SouthernCalGal on Sept 24, 2019 18:56:06 GMT -5
For me it is so, so much more than sex. Always has been, always will. That is why it is so complicated. If it was just sex-that would be way easier. I believe my devness is more orientation than a sexual fetish. But, that is my belief for me.
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rebeca
Full Member
Posts: 162
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by rebeca on Sept 24, 2019 19:08:10 GMT -5
Yes, I have had to think about that-- especially after coming to this board. I do think it is very much a spectrum, one end is what turns us on (and let me clarify that it is the only thing that really turns me on) and the other end being an orientation of the self. I think all of us fall on some part of the spectrum. I'm also sure that it changes as we change.
It is something I often think about and I have asked myself if it is an orientation for me. 10 years ago, I believed so. But I have never made any effort to be with a PWD and never been with one, so go figure! Ain't that so strange!
I guess for me, even it is more than sexuality or orientation, I've been fairly open about it. I haven't been as open about being bisexual. That is something I haven't told all my friends about or my partners. That is a lot harder for me to identify with. for no other reason than I don't like telling people a lot about me.
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Post by kyliestarz on Oct 12, 2019 22:46:38 GMT -5
So I’ve only told one close friend IRL a few years ago. After a period of pretty open talks, she brings it up very infrequently now, and mostly joking, and I can see she’s always just a little uncomfortable.
I’m the opposite - I love the idea of talking openly about it with her and get a mini dev high thinking about it. Actually, the idea of coming fully out, openly and freely definitely gets me going. Imagine being a flamboyant dev! My god what an unimaginable concept.
Anyway...I often tend to over exaggerate her interest in my mind, kind of fantasizing that we’re going to have dev girl talk or something, as if I can convert her or something, which is stupid because every time I take the conversation a little too deep, she gets this look on her face and I have to pull it back with some dumb joke, which definitely makes me a little sad and a little embarrassed.
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Post by Emma on Oct 12, 2019 23:51:50 GMT -5
Yeah Kylie I have had similar thoughts and fantasies. For me the Dev talk I had hoped to have with friends has never happened. It’s disappointing in the moment but when that disappointment keeps happening it starts to get frustrating. There have been lots of times I expected and hoped it would happen and it didn’t. Now I have stopped having any expectations that I will get to talk about anything devy with non Dev friends. When it occasionally happens it’s a bonus but I’m not as disappointed anymore.
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Post by linda on Oct 13, 2019 10:17:00 GMT -5
I like that approach a lot. I was first wondering why the perception of others defines your self worth. Bit saying that keeps you centered is a great point.
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