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Post by devogirl on Oct 22, 2019 3:03:03 GMT -5
Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear this! I have been on this rollercoaster so many times, from dev heaven to heartbreak in an impossibly short time. It feels so unfair but you will be ok. It just takes time.
It's really hard to start up a relationship so soon after an injury. I've heard SCI guys say it takes 10 years to adjust, and from what I have seen, that seems to be true. You didn't do anything wrong, it just wasn't the right time for him.
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Post by britishtetra on Oct 22, 2019 4:47:43 GMT -5
Hello Linda, I’m so sorry for how you are feeling, I have been in that situation myself. I have a lot of health issues, and I met somebody, but I felt a burden when my bowels opened in front of her; and my mother and father had to clean me up. When you go out, and you have to ask a partner to do things for you, it’s horrible. It is okay with the carer, because that is what they are paid to do. Like the gentleman said, your ex- boyfriend still probably loves you, but he probably feels it’s better to be single. Trust me it is not, if I could go back to that stage I would of sorted it out. I would of asked her if she is comfortable with this, not to do the care, but to be with a man with issues. I never did, I broke up and said you are better off without me. Took the cowards way out!
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Post by linda on Oct 22, 2019 6:00:50 GMT -5
Thanks to all of you for your comforting words. That really helps. Good community. Love you dev-sisters who replied and of course also the guys. Also especially thanks for you guys britishtetra and sy for being so open about an issue that I believe has hurt you a lot. Believe me, I would be totally ok with anything that might come up. I thought that I was a support to him. It didn’t come to my mind that he could regard our very relationship as a burden. Although I get the point. But to me, it was not a burden, even though some things were difficult. Mostly arranging my visits with my family and making the free time in my anyways quite stressful everyday life. But I would do whatever it takes as long as he gave me the chance.
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Post by Sir Paul on Oct 27, 2019 12:15:43 GMT -5
Linda... I'm sorry You're an amazing woman and a great friend. The love story you deserve will find you.
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Post by linda on Oct 27, 2019 14:54:30 GMT -5
Linda... I'm sorry You're an amazing woman and a great friend. The love story you deserve will find you. Thank you, @sir Paul. Good to see you’re back!
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Post by linda on Nov 13, 2019 17:08:12 GMT -5
These past weeks I have spent intensively mourning over the breakup with my boyfriend. Not one day passed by without me racking my brain what I have possibly done wrong. That was terrible. But thanks to a certain wise and experienced para gentleman from this board, I finally learned to understand what really was the reason behind my boyfriend terminating our wonderful relationship. Here is the key sentence: „Back then, I was an AB man in a disabled body.“ That made it all clear to me. SouthernCalGal had mentioned on her thoughtful and kind reaction to my OP that this experience might be of some help to other devs as well. I think that is the case, and this is why I want to close this chapter with this post. Of course there may always be exceptions, but as also some other PWDs have pointed out, 2,5 years are not a long time to learn how to live with a SCI. I believe as exciting and great as it was, being with a woman for the first time after his injury confronted him with parts of his new self that he is not yet ready to face. So I finally came to understand that it was not about me and that insight makes it much easier for me to accept and to move on. After all, we shared so many precious moments that I cannot but be grateful for it. I would think that this is the way how it works, adapting to the new situation as a PWD, and it just takes time. For some shorter, for some longer, some might never be able to make their peace with it. As for the devs getting involved, it might be smart to keep that in mind if you meet people with a quite recent injury. I didn’t see it coming, and it hit me really hard. After all, not only to him it was all new but I myself am a dev kitten. Exploring myself in that sense requires to open up which naturally also made me very vulnerable. Aaaah, dev kitten or not, I was just crazy in love. It always hurts when it’s over.
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Post by FlyingBert on Dec 8, 2019 11:00:13 GMT -5
These past weeks I have spent intensively mourning over the breakup with my boyfriend. Not one day passed by without me racking my brain what I have possibly done wrong. That was terrible. But thanks to a certain wise and experienced para gentleman from this board, I finally learned to understand what really was the reason behind my boyfriend terminating our wonderful relationship. Here is the key sentence: „Back then, I was an AB man in a disabled body.“ That made it all clear to me. SouthernCalGal had mentioned on her thoughtful and kind reaction to my OP that this experience might be of some help to other devs as well. I think that is the case, and this is why I want to close this chapter with this post. Of course there may always be exceptions, but as also some other PWDs have pointed out, 2,5 years are not a long time to learn how to live with a SCI. I believe as exciting and great as it was, being with a woman for the first time after his injury confronted him with parts of his new self that he is not yet ready to face. So I finally came to understand that it was not about me and that insight makes it much easier for me to accept and to move on. After all, we shared so many precious moments that I cannot but be grateful for it. I would think that this is the way how it works, adapting to the new situation as a PWD, and it just takes time. For some shorter, for some longer, some might never be able to make their peace with it. As for the devs getting involved, it might be smart to keep that in mind if you meet people with a quite recent injury. I didn’t see it coming, and it hit me really hard. After all, not only to him it was all new but I myself am a dev kitten. Exploring myself in that sense requires to open up which naturally also made me very vulnerable. Aaaah, dev kitten or not, I was just crazy in love. It always hurts when it’s over. It's not definitely about you. I can tell you, as an ex happy boyfriend, that the really struggle was about my inner voice saying I'm not good enough for this and that, a lot more than other "real" problems. She had to deal with it and she was great doing it. Problem was solved but as any person, everybody can break under a lot of pressure, by the weakest part of the strand. Just keep walking and try to smile!
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