|
Post by lars on Dec 13, 2019 18:23:19 GMT -5
Considering more than 50% of people here have “hooked” up, maybe people should stop badgering newbies right at the start by telling them that this is not a dating site. Obviously the numbers - so far - prove you wrong. Especially when they post in the personal section. I am, personally, surprised at the results and happy for all you single people. I am both glad that I am not in the dating pool and sad... new love feels so good!! Good luck everyone, I wish everyone happiness!!! That's more about this place not ending up full of shitty one-liners by guys looking for company ( poorly ) and not putting any effort doing it, but I may be imagining things. I'm glad for people finding each other, but this is a place with plenty of guys, so there's some risk of it starting to look like an ad from Craigslist - and while that shit was funny, it's really not a board I want to read.
|
|
|
Post by newjess on Dec 13, 2019 18:34:03 GMT -5
We say it's not a dating site because... it's not a dating site
It's a space for devs. Like one of the ONLY spaces for devs that exists. This is the primary purpose of this board.
Okcupid, match, eharmony --> these are all dating sites
ParaDevo --> not a dating site
I myself have met and dated several PWDs on here, I am all about people finding romance here. But that doesn't make it a dating site, nor should it be treated as one, as that would distract from the primary purpose of the board (which is literally like one of the only spaces we have)
I really just fail to see what the problem is with letting new members know what we're about and what the primary purpose of the board is, nor do I think that the members who do that are being rude (unless it's deserved because the new member is being an ass)
|
|
raindrop
Full Member
Posts: 244
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Married/Domestic partnership
|
Post by raindrop on Dec 13, 2019 18:34:32 GMT -5
Considering more than 50% of people here have “hooked” up, maybe people should stop badgering newbies right at the start by telling them that this is not a dating site. Obviously the numbers - so far - prove you wrong. Especially when they post in the personal section. I am, personally, surprised at the results and happy for all you single people. I am both glad that I am not in the dating pool and sad... new love feels so good!! Good luck everyone, I wish everyone happiness!!! That's more about this place not ending up full of shitty one-liners by guys looking for company ( poorly ) and not putting any effort doing it, but I may be imagining things. I'm glad for people finding each other, but this is a place with plenty of guys, so there's some risk of it starting to look like an ad from Craigslist - and while that shit was funny, it's really not a board I want to read. Very true, but sometimes it feels like an attack on the poor new guy. I feel quite confident that if people are out of line that the guys here are very protective of the devs on this site, so it feels safe from my perspective. That being said, I haven’t even been part of this board for a year yet so I have a lot to learn from the long time members.
|
|
raindrop
Full Member
Posts: 244
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Married/Domestic partnership
|
Post by raindrop on Dec 13, 2019 18:41:10 GMT -5
We say it's not a dating site because... it's not a dating site It's a space for devs. Like one of the ONLY spaces for devs that exists. This is the primary purpose of this board. Okcupid, match, eharmony --> these are all dating sites ParaDevo --> not a dating site I myself have met and dated several PWDs on here, I am all about people finding romance here. But that doesn't make it a dating site, nor should it be treated as one, as that would distract from the primary purpose of the board (which is literally like one of the only spaces we have) I really just fail to see what the problem is with letting new members know what we're about and what the primary purpose of the board is, nor do I think that the members who do that are rude (unless it's deserved because the new member is being an ass) Fair enough, I am definitely not here to date, but it is called a personals folder. With romance in the header. I am not arguing that I think it should be a dating site or not. Especially since I am not in the market, I am just stating that the numbers surprised me. I actually expected the opposite and this was what came to mind.
|
|
|
Post by lars on Dec 13, 2019 18:41:14 GMT -5
That's more about this place not ending up full of shitty one-liners by guys looking for company ( poorly ) and not putting any effort doing it, but I may be imagining things. I'm glad for people finding each other, but this is a place with plenty of guys, so there's some risk of it starting to look like an ad from Craigslist - and while that shit was funny, it's really not a board I want to read. Very true, but sometimes it feels like an attack on the poor new guy. I feel quite confident that if people are out of line that the guys here are very protective of the devs on this site, so it feels safe from my perspective. That being said, I haven’t even been part of this board for a year yet so I have a lot to learn from the long time members. That's how the internet works. It receives you as you come, and if you make your first entrance poorly.. Hell, it's your one and best chance, as a guy, to introduce yourself to the board and make an impression. If you come in guns slinging and get slammed, well - Nobody like an arrogant, passive-aggressive schmuck. I should know, I've been that guy on an internet board - but if you care to look at my posting history, and f.ex. my first post here, I did come here putting a little bit of effort. It's not just how the internet works, it's us.
|
|
|
Post by lars on Dec 13, 2019 18:48:37 GMT -5
We say it's not a dating site because... it's not a dating site It's a space for devs. Like one of the ONLY spaces for devs that exists. This is the primary purpose of this board. Okcupid, match, eharmony --> these are all dating sites ParaDevo --> not a dating site I myself have met and dated several PWDs on here, I am all about people finding romance here. But that doesn't make it a dating site, nor should it be treated as one, as that would distract from the primary purpose of the board (which is literally like one of the only spaces we have) I really just fail to see what the problem is with letting new members know what we're about and what the primary purpose of the board is, nor do I think that the members who do that are being rude (unless it's deserved because the new member is being an ass) You're kidding yourself if you think that's what a disabled guy thinks when he discovers devotees and eventually finds out about this place. It's what motivates us to come here. I think it's silly to fight against nature in this one, as a dev without a PWD is like a.. Well, a dev without a PWD. Nothing wrong with that, but it takes two to dance this tango and for this to exist, even if just as a thought. Guys will always see this place coming from a different place than devs, everyone's got their own interest and I'd dare to say that we're getting along pretty well, considering what kind of place PD has shaped out to be. I just don't think it's smart to advertise this place as a full on ParaCupid, to keep this nice equilibrium that we've reached here. It's a bit of a dating site for us guys, though - even if only just as a thought.
|
|
|
Post by newjess on Dec 13, 2019 18:57:25 GMT -5
We say it's not a dating site because... it's not a dating site It's a space for devs. Like one of the ONLY spaces for devs that exists. This is the primary purpose of this board. Okcupid, match, eharmony --> these are all dating sites ParaDevo --> not a dating site I myself have met and dated several PWDs on here, I am all about people finding romance here. But that doesn't make it a dating site, nor should it be treated as one, as that would distract from the primary purpose of the board (which is literally like one of the only spaces we have) I really just fail to see what the problem is with letting new members know what we're about and what the primary purpose of the board is, nor do I think that the members who do that are being rude (unless it's deserved because the new member is being an ass) You're kidding yourself if you think that's what a disabled guy thinks when he discovers devotees and eventually finds out about this place. It's what motivates us to come here. I think it's silly to fight against nature in this one, as a dev without a PWD is like a.. Well, a dev without a PWD. Nothing wrong with that, but it takes two to dance this tango and for this to exist, even if just as a thought. Guys will always see this place coming from a different place than devs, everyone's got their own interest and I'd dare to say that we're getting along pretty well, considering what kind of place PD has shaped out to be. I just don't think it's smart to advertise this place as a full on ParaCupid, to keep this nice equilibrium that we've reached here. It's a bit of a dating site for us guys, though - even if only just as a thought. Yeah but... again... the primary purpose of this board is that it's a space for devs, PWDs are welcome as guests and of course romance is a great thing, I'm so glad that it happens here But that still does not make it a dating site. It makes it a place with a primary purpose where romance also occurs. Like meeting someone at the gym or the dog park. Some people go looking for romance in those spaces, but just as many are just looking to work out or take their pup out on a nice day. These places all have their primary purposes and they are treated as such The primary purpose of okcupid, Tinder, etc? To date and hook up. That's why these are dating sites/apps Guys come here all the time with ridiculous expectations. It's also not super uncommon for them to act like morons and disrupt OUR dev space. There are plenty of devs who have been disrespected, harassed, and/or treated poorly by PWDs who showed up here with expectations (myself included). So some of us feel it's important to try and weed out or prevent that sort of behavior. Because it sucks, in general and in our sacred dev space
|
|
|
Post by lars on Dec 13, 2019 19:05:03 GMT -5
You know I agree with you on all of this, newjess You put out the reasons very well, why some of the guys need to be reminded of this once in a while about this age old story of PD not being a dating site. I explained why we men come to this place as we do. For you girls, this place can be so much more. I think many of us agree though, guys coming here all the time with ridiculous expectations is part of the charm and the fun of PD, at least for some of us who enjoy a hilarious shitshow once in a while!
|
|
|
Post by newjess on Dec 13, 2019 19:15:12 GMT -5
You know I agree with you on all of this, newjess You put out the reasons very well, why some of the guys need to be reminded of this once in a while about this age old story of PD not being a dating site. I explained why we men come to this place as we do. For you girls, this place can be so much more. I think many of us agree though, guys coming here all the time with ridiculous expectations is part of the charm and the fun of PD, at least for some of us who enjoy a hilarious shitshow once in a while! My apologies for misreading, I thought you were arguing against lol I do see what you mean, and I am a big time proponent of dev/PWD romance. It makes me so happy that there are so many connections that happen here. I understand that from the perspective of the guys it's a lot different, and I would never discourage anyone from looking for romance here Yes occasional buffoonery can be entertaining lol. But there's also a line where it crosses over into be harmful, toxic, etc. I'm super thankful that we don't tolerate that kind of behavior here
|
|
|
Post by sy on Dec 13, 2019 19:24:17 GMT -5
Not yet, but maybe in the future you never know.
|
|
|
Post by Sova on Dec 13, 2019 20:15:27 GMT -5
We say it's not a dating site because... it's not a dating site It's a space for devs. Like one of the ONLY spaces for devs that exists. This is the primary purpose of this board. Okcupid, match, eharmony --> these are all dating sites ParaDevo --> not a dating site I myself have met and dated several PWDs on here, I am all about people finding romance here. But that doesn't make it a dating site, nor should it be treated as one, as that would distract from the primary purpose of the board (which is literally like one of the only spaces we have) I really just fail to see what the problem is with letting new members know what we're about and what the primary purpose of the board is, nor do I think that the members who do that are being rude (unless it's deserved because the new member is being an ass) I rarely stick my head into these conversations as I don't usually knock other guys at their attempts (however pathetic) at trying to pick up but, I'll never understand how some of the people that come here fail to grasp this concept. And, if a gaggle of forum members have to come down on you and instruct you on how to participate on the board, then you've already lost. Unless you're new to Earth, recently rocketed here from the planet Incel, you should understand that this is a discussion forum and have a basic comprehension of how to socialize with the lifeforms of this planet.
|
|
|
Post by Mets on Dec 13, 2019 20:56:45 GMT -5
Considering more than 50% of people here have “hooked” up, maybe people should stop badgering newbies right at the start by telling them that this is not a dating site. Obviously the numbers - so far - prove you wrong. While it’s totally true that half the voters voted yes, that’s hardly to say more than 50% of members here have hooked up with someone from here. I think it’s more of a reflection that people who have had a PD date are way more likely to stay members and stay active. Most of the “yes” votes are the people that have been here longterm, but most new members are here rather briefly. It’s a hard thing to measure but I wouldn’t be surprised if 95% of members have never met anyone from PD in real life.
|
|
|
Post by devogirl on Dec 13, 2019 21:43:09 GMT -5
The fact that almost half of the people responding said they have not met anyone should make it clear that this is not a dating site, or not a very successful one. Also so far only 45 people have responded, so it's a tiny fraction of an already tiny membership, and representing the most active, engaged members, who are also the ones who are most successful at connecting with others.
I keep saying this: it's not that you WON'T or SHOULDN'T hook up here. It might happen. Just don't assume it definitely WILL. I'm really not concerned about hurting the feelings of guys who post 1 line personal ads here because they never log back in to see the reaction to their lazy pick up attempt.
|
|
|
Post by IcarusFellOnce on Dec 14, 2019 10:37:54 GMT -5
Rough crowd out there. No.. it's not a dating site... but it's a site dedicated to individuals with a very specific attraction/kink/fetish. *shrugs*
I have no problems calling out lazy one liner attempts.. think this is found in all demographics of guys.. leg walker or not. SO THE MESSAGE to those that are lazier... DO NOT BE LAZY.
As far as calling out the "pathetic" nature of some of these guys' game... you haven't lived their life or their disability (specifically speaking to you abled bodies out there). And for the rest of the cocky tools out there that laugh at "pathetic attempts" at game instead of being a better human being and being a mentor to maybe helping them out... It's a pretty toxic attitude. I recommend to the newbies that feel attacked or that do NOT have thick skin... live real life outside the board. It's easy for people to tear each other down on the internet.. and frankly... you don't need that.
There are some AMAZING people on this board. It's a great resource if you put in its appropriate place and in context. If you find yourself having a hard time making a connection.. find some positive people in your life that will be WILLING to take the time to do more than laugh at you... Making a connection is the most important thing in a person's life.. abled bodied or not. Take the time to find the people that will help you develop that skill. Will make your life a lot better.
|
|
|
Post by newjess on Dec 14, 2019 10:57:00 GMT -5
Rough crowd out there. No.. it's not a dating site... but it's a site dedicated to individuals with a very specific attraction/kink/fetish. *shrugs* I have no problems calling out lazy one liner attempts.. think this is found in all demographics of guys.. leg walker or not. SO THE MESSAGE to those that are lazier... DO NOT BE LAZY. As far as calling out the "pathetic" nature of some of these guys' game... you haven't lived their life or their disability (specifically speaking to you abled bodies out there). And for the rest of the cocky tools out there that laugh at "pathetic attempts" at game instead of being a better human being and being a mentor to maybe helping them out... It's a pretty toxic attitude. I recommend to the newbies that feel attacked or that do NOT have thick skin... live real life outside the board. It's easy for people to tear each other down on the internet.. and frankly... you don't need that. There are some AMAZING people on this board. It's a great resource if you put in its appropriate place and in context. If you find yourself having a hard time making a connection.. find some positive people in your life that will be WILLING to take the time to do more than laugh at you... Making a connection is the most important thing in a person's life.. abled bodied or not. Take the time to find the people that will help you develop that skill. Will make your life a lot better. you're exactly right el cid. It's a site dedicated TO. THE. DEVS. Some of which are open to romance and dating. Some of which want absolutely nothing to do with that and are here only for the primary purpose of the board. Why would we ever want to alienate the latter group by treating this place like it's a dating site? I understand there's a balance between welcoming new guys and protecting the integrity of our safe dev space. But your argument only addresses one side of that and completely ignores the dev side. PWDs have TONS of resources, places, communities, etc etc. We devs pretty much have PD, WC, and maybe FL to a minor extent. You have to understand that there are consequences to what you are saying. Lowering our defenses and tolerating shitty behavior means that devs will be subjected to that behavior. SO MANY DEVS on here have been, including myself, and I'm happy to tell you all about it if it gives some semblance of understanding as to why we care so much about this. Many devs who join are also in a very vulnerable place and being subjected to that kind of behavior could make or break their experience. No, you can't protect everyone and I'm definitely not the type that wants to police interactions. But at the end of the day, if it comes down to tolerating shitty behavior from a PWD vs. Maintaining the standards of respect toward the board and members that many of us expect, I'm going to choose the latter no question, even if it makes an occasional PWD feel like we were too hard on him. Which honestly, I feel like most of the PWDs who complain about this completely deserve the treatment they got because they behaved poorly in some way. At the end of the day, this place is FOR THE DEVS. That's why many of us would rather default to maintaining standards for the type of behavior we expect from new members, so that this place stays as safe as possible for the devs. And it's not even asking that much, just simple decent respect of our space
|
|