Bad devs vs good

[kiethswams]

Hey I am new to all this. I have a question that how to spot a bad dev. I have been a part of pwd groups in the past and I saw how all members despised the devs and used to block anyone who wasn't ready to prove their disability with a pic. Also in the same group I heard horrendous stories of how some dev treated one of the members miserably by throwing him off her wheel chair and taking sexual gratification in the way she crawled. I'm sorry if this thread gets on your nerves but my query is straight out of curiosity. I am pro dev provided they don't treat the pwd wrongly but like any other person.

[devogirl]

Jan 24, 2021 1:13:03 GMT -5 kiethswams said:

Hey I am new to all this. I have a question that how to spot a bad dev. [cut]

they don't treat the pwd wrongly but like any other person.

This, what you just wrote. This is how you tell: someone who treats a PWD with respect.

At the risk of over-generalizing, this kind of abusive behavior is more common among straight male devs who think they are entitled to treat women however they want just because they are attracted to them. There are some male devs who have behaved very badly, and deserve the shit they get from PWDs. But on the other hand, there are stories of abusive devs circulating online that are fake, and get feverishly repeated on anti-dev message boards.

On this board, we can't control how people behave IRL but we don't allow things like stealing photos or harassment on the board.

[mike]

It's like most things, you read about the serial killers & rapists but not the normal people. With "normal" people, we frequently interact with them so we know that although bad people do exist they are a tiny minority of the overall population. With devs, most don't go around with signs so it isn't clear that the vast majority are normal people who simply don't draw attention to themselves.
I have known about devs for many years and never met a "bad" dev. They probably do exist, and just like violent people, most are male. I like to think its testosterone poising, so the ladies are much less likely to be "bad devs".

[wonk]

I know a couple of very Bad Devs.

But it is OK because I give them the spanking they deserve!

[rebeckers84]

I think it’s like anything, you gotta go with your gut.
In this age of so much online dating even if I’m dating an able guy I gotta trust that gut instinct.

I personally (just my opinion) think if you’re talking to a “good dev” with intentions of looking for a relationship, they’re going to go into it like they are trying to start a good relationship. Asking questions and having conversations about each other and life and learning about each other. If they are straight into wanting to see all sorts of pics & videos they’re not on the same page as you. After a bit of course we all enjoy a good pic/video but it’s probably not the first thing someone looking for a relationship is going to start prying into.

[britishtetra]

I would say I have been on this board a long time, and during which time I have wrote to most of the devs. For many years I did write to somebody on here and we became good friends, she told me she was single, divorced and available. After about four years I find out that the person was married, so I find it hard to trust people now. I have got a friendship with somebody on here now, it has been long term and we chat most days. Nothing romantically will come, and I don’t mind that. It’s very difficult sometimes to believe people, because everything can be manipulated. Photographs can be sent that are not of the person, I have spoken to people who turned out to be men. That’s why I like video calls, you know where you stand then. It’s live, so it’s not somebody Nigeria giving you false hope. After all I am harmless, lying in bed with a mouth- stick is hardly grounds for kinky male of the week 😂

Pete

[infinatedreams]

Jan 24, 2021 5:51:03 GMT -5 wonk said:

I know a couple of very Bad Devs.

But it is OK because I give them the spanking they deserve!

*sigh* me too, must be a para thing that we attract the bad devs, well that and the big strong hands and a handy lap to be bent over 😎

[messybun]

Unfortunately, there are always bad people in any community of humans but that does not mean that each member of a specific community is bad. We have that in any grouping of humans, political, social, economical.

[Braced4Impact]

Just like the question about dom vs sub devs, the answer to that one is, it's as distributed as any other general population would, the same would go with good devs and bad. There are good devs, both male and female, and bad devs, both male and female. As Devogirl pointed out, a lot more prominent bad cases seem to have happened with male devs of female PWDs, but same sex or the opposite are just as likely to occur on a case by case basis. It's better to get a feel for who are good and bad people in general to recognize those traits in devs or PWDs.

[Deleted]

This is kind of why I joined, group seems very welcoming. I didn't see any toxic nonsense while I was lurking before.

[abqman]

Jan 24, 2021 5:51:03 GMT -5 wonk said:

I know a couple of very Bad Devs.

But it is OK because I give them the spanking they deserve!

[kwhi13]

No good or bad devs, only good and bad people, experience level varies widely. Ciao…

[dutchdev]

Just like I am sure there are good and bad PWD, assholes exist in all subgroups.

[lyon11]

As they already mentioned, there are only good and bad people.
As Facundo Cabral said: I'm only afraid of assholes (stupid).
Someone asks him: Why?
And he answers: because there are many and wherever you go and no matter how early you get up, you will always find one.
So in my best opinion what you should do to detect a good or bad person is to know them, not get carried away by stereotypes, opinions or stories of other people. In short, treat others as you would like to be treated and if you see that it is not what you expected, leave it behind and keep trying.