Dev and BDSM

[rayan]

Hello everyone,
I want to talk about a topic and i don't think that there ie a disscussion about it before :
Is it possible to find a dev person with BDSM preferences (sadistic person for exemple)
If you have an idea about that please share your experience and what do you think about that,

[messybun]

I am sure you will find lots of people with BDSM interests, but it's questionable if you can find a dev with your preferred BDSM interest. In comparison with let's say how many people are into BDSM all over the world, the number of devs is low, so finding a dev that matches with what you are looking for is highly unlikely. 

As with anything, when it comes to connections/relationships of either a purely physical/sexual attraction or both physical and emotional attraction, you have to find that person that matches hopefully with what you are looking for. You may not find that exact match and may have to compromise on some levels. Just because a person is into one thing you are into, doesn't mean that a connection/relationship would work out.

That being said, I am very sure there are devs who have BDSM interests or live a lifestyle that may be related to BDSM or fetishes of a sexually driven nature.
But again, with anything we desire in a person, it's not always the case we find that exact match of our dreams.

[devogirl]

I am a dev who has also been into BDSM as a domme. I had partners who are AB and PWDs. We definitely do exist. But the number of devs in the world is very few, and the percentage of us who are also into BDSM is even smaller. There are other devs on this board who are also into BDSM but not many. If you are looking for a partner, you might have better success on Fetlife.

If you're curious about my experiences, you can read about it in Devo Diary: paradevostories.blogspot.com/search/label/Devo%20Diary

[ProudRealist]

Is it strange that i have a real fear of BDSM? I know it comes down to my lack of experience (which is zero) but still watching those vids... dunno, maybe the fear stems from being a 'helpless' quad who hates pain

Happy to be educated.

[infinatedreams]

Apr 15, 2021 1:10:04 GMT -5 ProudRealist said:

Is it strange that i have a real fear of BDSM? I know it comes down to my lack of experience (which is zero) but still watching those vids... dunno, maybe the fear stems from being a 'helpless' quad who hates pain

Happy to be educated.

First thing I would say is stop watching 'those' videos .... as ever on the internet things are taken to the extreme.

BDSM does not have to be about pain, giving or recieving. Kink (BDSM) in any relationship is how you and your partner define it. If it doesn't fit into others titles or labels.. then who cares? It only matters what you and your partner consent to... what both of you want the relationship to be. The level and intensity of Kink with depend on what you both enjoy and that may even fluctuate over time.

I'd probably describe myself as having a dominant male personality, and always prefer to be in charge of things (though happy to switch) and I get very aroused by submissive women who love to take orders and be controlled by their partner within the bedroom.


But I am not a sadist, I don't like to cause pain or to humiliate my partner. And just to add, sometimes the mere thought that you 'may' spank her can be very arousing for both.


Yes I like  to be in control (dominant) but  I prefer soft and slow with love with my partner (submissive) rather then hard and agressive.  

So dont let the title BDSM automatically think it means pain, it doesnt.  And there may be women out there who like a quad who takes control .... so maybe you arent as 'helpless' as you think.

[devogirl]

Apr 15, 2021 1:10:04 GMT -5 ProudRealist said:

Is it strange that i have a real fear of BDSM? I know it comes down to my lack of experience (which is zero) but still watching those vids... dunno, maybe the fear stems from being a 'helpless' quad who hates pain

Happy to be educated.

What videos are you watching? Mainstream tv/movies are full of ignorance, misconceptions and stereotypes about BDSM. So is some porn.

There are some people who feel sexual pleasure when they experience pain. Usually it's from minor pain like hair pulling or spanking, but some people have higher levels of pain tolerance. As my friend said, a sadist is someone who is very kind to masochists. Inflicting pain in a controlled, consensual, agreed-upon way to someone who finds it a turn-on is tremendously satisfying, but I have never done it to someone who is not a masochist. I don't think it's a "try it, you might like it" kind of thing. Either you find plain pleasurable or you don't. If it doesn't seem appealing, don't do it. This kind of kink is hardwired and not related to disability. I knew a para who was super into pain, bondage, and submission, but lots more SCI guys who were not into BDSM at all.

But there is a reason it's called BDSM, to include not just sadism/masochism (ie, inflicting pain like spanking, flogging, etc) but also bondage and/or submission. There are lots of people who like to be tied up but don't want to experience any kind of pain. There are even more people who don't want the physical restraint or pain, but enjoy the power exchange of roleplaying as a submissive (ie, order me around, tell me what to do, etc). BDSM can involve a huge variety of different practices, and before starting a scene, partners usually give a detailed rundown of what they like, what they want to do, and which things are strictly not allowed.

When I was single and dating, I found the biggest misconception when I talked about BDSM with guys outside the kink community was that they expected I would attack them without warning or consent. Seriously, only a psychopath would do that. It was insulting that they made that assumption about me.

Anyway there's no reason to try BDSM unless the idea of it turns you on. It's fine to say "no thank you" and never even try it. But there's no reason to be afraid of people who do it.

[atlwheelin]

I think the issue for most of us is even finding a partner wanting to experiment with non vanilla acts of intimacy. All the women I’ve ever been with weren’t devs, and they were just fascinated at learning new positions along the way and crossing the finish line with me. If I were to experiment in anything, in my latter years in life added to it, I would need to be completely submissive and learn that way as I go, which is a very hard dynamic to find as a PWD. Fetlife is certainly the way to go, but it’s not been a success for me ever (granted it’s impossible to go to any meet and greets post pandemic) in drawing any sort of sexual interest.

Now, where do I sign up for classes? 😂

[jakewheelz]

Apr 15, 2021 5:24:28 GMT -5 infinatedreams said:

Apr 15, 2021 1:10:04 GMT -5 ProudRealist said:

Is it strange that i have a real fear of BDSM? I know it comes down to my lack of experience (which is zero) but still watching those vids... dunno, maybe the fear stems from being a 'helpless' quad who hates pain

Happy to be educated.

First thing I would say is stop watching 'those' videos .... as ever on the internet things are taken to the extreme.

BDSM does not have to be about pain, giving or recieving. Kink (BDSM) in any relationship is how you and your partner define it. If it doesn't fit into others titles or labels.. then who cares? It only matters what you and your partner consent to... what both of you want the relationship to be. The level and intensity of Kink with depend on what you both enjoy and that may even fluctuate over time.

I'd probably describe myself as having a dominant male personality, and always prefer to be in charge of things (though happy to switch) and I get very aroused by submissive women who love to take orders and be controlled by their partner within the bedroom.


But I am not a sadist, I don't like to cause pain or to humiliate my partner. And just to add, sometimes the mere thought that you 'may' spank her can be very arousing for both.


Yes I like  to be in control (dominant) but  I prefer soft and slow with love with my partner (submissive) rather then hard and agressive.  

So dont let the title BDSM automatically think it means pain, it doesnt.  And there may be women out there who like a quad who takes control .... so maybe you arent as 'helpless' as you think.

"those videos" 🤣

[Braced4Impact]

Hey dominant female devs, I just want you to know:

[ProudRealist]

Apr 15, 2021 7:42:33 GMT -5 devogirl said:

Apr 15, 2021 1:10:04 GMT -5 ProudRealist said:

Is it strange that i have a real fear of BDSM? I know it comes down to my lack of experience (which is zero) but still watching those vids... dunno, maybe the fear stems from being a 'helpless' quad who hates pain

Happy to be educated.

What videos are you watching? Mainstream tv/movies are full of ignorance, misconceptions and stereotypes about BDSM. So is some porn.

There are some people who feel sexual pleasure when they experience pain. Usually it's from minor pain like hair pulling or spanking, but some people have higher levels of pain tolerance. As my friend said, a sadist is someone who is very kind to masochists. Inflicting pain in a controlled, consensual, agreed-upon way to someone who finds it a turn-on is tremendously satisfying, but I have never done it to someone who is not a masochist. I don't think it's a "try it, you might like it" kind of thing. Either you find plain pleasurable or you don't. If it doesn't seem appealing, don't do it. This kind of kink is hardwired and not related to disability. I knew a para who was super into pain, bondage, and submission, but lots more SCI guys who were not into BDSM at all.

But there is a reason it's called BDSM, to include not just sadism/masochism (ie, inflicting pain like spanking, flogging, etc) but also bondage and/or submission. There are lots of people who like to be tied up but don't want to experience any kind of pain. There are even more people who don't want the physical restraint or pain, but enjoy the power exchange of roleplaying as a submissive (ie, order me around, tell me what to do, etc). BDSM can involve a huge variety of different practices, and before starting a scene, partners usually give a detailed rundown of what they like, what they want to do, and which things are strictly not allowed.

When I was single and dating, I found the biggest misconception when I talked about BDSM with guys outside the kink community was that they expected I would attack them without warning or consent. Seriously, only a psychopath would do that. It was insulting that they made that assumption about me.

Anyway there's no reason to try BDSM unless the idea of it turns you on. It's fine to say "no thank you" and never even try it. But there's no reason to be afraid of people who do it.

Thanks for the clarification - yet again the wonderful world of internet vids has led me astray  

[wheelz1979]

Go to fetlife.com they have a few BDSM groups there for people in wheelchairs and devs

[blindguitarist]

OK, how's this for complicated?

I'm a blind guy who loves submissive BBW's, and a Daddy-dom type... but I also have dev tendencies I think.

If I found a big girl who needed changing, dare I say pampering? because she's in a chair, has CP or SB... I'd be into that...

that's probably so specific I'll never find such a person. So, as someone else said, compromise is important. Besides, if you found someone who ticked all your boxes, and in turn, you ticked all of theirs, would that get boring after awhile?

[hotmealsonwheels]

I am into bdsm.but not into the extreme stuff, I prefer the daddy dom and baby girl dynamics. That would be nice to find in a dev

[blindguitarist]

Hi hotmealsonwheels: we're definitely into some of the same things.
Are you on Fetlife? I am, but mostly lurking. I don't post much.

[hotmealsonwheels]

Apr 19, 2021 11:08:01 GMT -5 blindguitarist said:

Hi hotmealsonwheels : we're definitely into some of the same things.
Are you on Fetlife? I am, but mostly lurking. I don't post much.

Yes, I am on collarspace too