How do I deal with my boyfriend’s injury?

[olive]

Hi everyone.

I’m new here so a quick introduction:

I’m a 23 year old woman who’s been in a long term relationship with an able-bodied man (well, “able-bodied” in every way except for being partially deaf). I’ve known I was a devotee since I was a child, so I’ve been dealing with this for as long as I can remember. It’s always been injuries that immobilize the legs, like a broken bone or paralysis, that interest and excite me.

———

So anyways, my boyfriend sprained his ankle not too long ago. This is the first time I’ve ever had to deal with a partner being injured like this. He’s using a cane to walk and has to immobilize his ankle and honestly… it’s been driving me crazy lol. I’m used to this kind of thing being reserved to my imagination and personal fantasies, but now it’s happening in real life and I can’t avoid it. I’m being very aroused by it.

I’ve been feeling a lot of shame though. Even though my boyfriend is very supportive about my devo-nature and will even indulge me in my fantasies, I can’t shake this deeply-rooted feeling that I’m a bad person for being attracted to something that is painful for him. I obviously don’t like seeing him in pain and all I want is for him to get better. He says it’s fine and doesn’t judge me, but still. I feel bad for being consistently turned on by this whole thing.

So I gotta ask: How do you guys cope and deal with your attraction? Do you feel any shame about it or nah? And how do I get through my boyfriend’s injury and how it’s making me feel?

I’m looking forward to getting to know some other devotees and hear what you guys have to say. It’s honestly great to know that there’s a whole group of people out there like me. And thanks for reading this whole long post. It means a lot! 😊

[ayla]

Think of yourself as a silver lining. You didn’t cause this injury, would never cause an injury, and aren’t delighting in his pain/inconvenience (not trying to throw shade on sadists here but that seems like a whole different topic than your question). Nevertheless, he is injured and it does excite you, and all things considered isn’t it better to have some sort of silver lining (your arousal) than only negatives?

Welcome aboard :)

[olive]

Jan 7, 2022 10:10:01 GMT -5 ayla said:

Think of yourself as a silver lining. You didn’t cause this injury, would never cause an injury, and aren’t delighting in his pain/inconvenience (not trying to throw shade on sadists here but that seems like a whole different topic than your question). Nevertheless, he is injured and it does excite you, and all things considered isn’t it better to have some sort of silver lining (your arousal) than only negatives?

Welcome aboard

I think my bf mentioned the silver lining thing too haha. But you make a great point.

I would never intentionally hurt anyone and I don’t like seeing him in pain, so you’re right. It probably doesn’t make me a horrible person for finding this situation titillating.

I struggle with self esteem so I guess I don’t usually cut myself enough slack. I’ll try to remind myself of the positives

[malibu]

Welcome, olive! Don't feel bad (I know easier said than done). I honestly had the opposite happen to me and it was awful, my AB ex injured himself (temporally) and it was a turn off (I felt super bad but we can't change how we feel right). It's cool that you can be open with your boyfriend and that he is so supportive, he seems like a keeper.

[olive]

Jan 7, 2022 14:25:35 GMT -5 malibu said:

Welcome, olive! Don't feel bad (I know easier said than done). I honestly had the opposite happen to me and it was awful, my AB ex injured himself (temporally) and it was a turn off (I felt super bad but we can't change how we feel right). It's cool that you can be open with your boyfriend and that he is so supportive, he seems like a keeper.

Thanks!

I’m sorry you had to deal with such a shitty feeling. No one likes to see their SO actually get hurt. I’m going back and forth between feeling really bad for him and then suddenly being turned on. I hate the conflict of emotions here lol.

But yeah, he’s def been a trooper about it. He’s a keeper for sure.

[Dani]

I think it's a plus that you're bf already knows you are a dev. I think you should totally enjoy this time together and it'll hopefully give you an opportunity to learn more about yourself and what it is for you.
Your bf seems very understanding and that's a good thing. At the same time, of course you'll be there for him and help him recover. 

As for feeling guilty or ashamed - many devs have gone through this or are going through this. How can we be attracted to something that causes another person grief, pain, and frustration? It's such a complex issue and I think it's a longer process to get over these feelings and the only way is to talk with supportive partners or like-minded people. I think the majority of devs have felt this at one time or another and can relate.

Personally, I've come to the conclusion that I'm not a bad person for having these dev feelings. It's always been difficult for me if bad things happen to people. I get nervous seeing guys do crazy things as in sports or life. I have two sons and worries have accompanied my raising them. I always worry something would happen to them but then when it does or if it has happened, I'm not as shocked as I expected. A calmness overcomes me and my inside voice says, "It's okay". It may be difficult for a while but it will be all right. I think this has to do with being a dev. We've already confronted these situations in our life, either only in our heads or in real life. We've analyzed and have taken it all apart and may approach tragic or traumatic situations with a different mindset.

So, I would say, don't beat yourself up about it. I think it's a good thing that your bf knows and you should enjoy this together in whichever form that will take place.

[Celaena]

Welcome! And great question. I can understand your thoughts here. My husband had surgery a while back that made him unable to lift heavy things and having to take it easy for a few days. Not quite the same thing, but I ended up being frustrated and pissy about the whole thing which wasn't what I was expecting.

As others have said, silver lining! And maybe even platinum lining is he is willing to feed into some of those fantasies. And hopefully he can keep those crutches for later... When he doesn't need them, but using them would be for your benefit! ;-)