hjfundus
New Member
they/them
Posts: 36
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by hjfundus on Oct 3, 2023 9:16:28 GMT -5
and I've had a handful of relatively short-term relationships over the years -- all with AB guys (and one AB girl). These relationships have been variably fulfilling on romantic, emotional & intellectual levels. But whenever it came time for sex in any of my past relationships, I would close my eyes, go off to fantasy land, and hope that my partner wouldn't ask why I was closing my eyes (they never did). I truly was in love with some of my past partners, even physically attracted to them. But the sexual desire was never there. The kicker -- my dev attractions tend towards the much more "severe" end of the disability spectrum -- athetoid CP, severe Tourettes, etc. The kind of stuff that would make it pretty difficult to do the kind of activities I love. I feel so ready to date but I'm trying to figure out if I should forego sexual attraction & try to meet an AB guy who wants to climb mountains with me. Or if I should accept that my partner and I are just going to have different hobbies and try to meet a disabled guy that I'm actually sexually attracted to. Or if I should go for open relationships and accept that one single person is never going to be exactly what I'm looking for? I feel this - everything you say about not having the sexual desire in your sexual relationships. I am considering if I am asexual because I don't know if I would have this sexual desire in real life or if it's just a fantasy. My partner was curious as to why I closed my eyes. '  Extreme sports can definitely be adapted to people with disabilities. If you are open to non-monogamy go for it! Why should we confine ourselves to one partner? |
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scottishgaydevotee
New Member
Love to chat. Into kink.
Posts: 12
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by scottishgaydevotee on Jan 11, 2024 18:49:29 GMT -5
Hugs to you.
I'm seeing a disabled guy. He is so fun and he loves the way I don't mind using his wheelchair as part of the sex etc. Like any two people who are attracted, and on the margins of society, others may look down on it but it is so special to find that bond.
I hope you find your person lazuli. You'll make them happy and visa versa.
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iliakis00
New Member
open relationship
Posts: 10
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Pretender
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Post by iliakis00 on Jan 14, 2024 10:00:22 GMT -5
we should never feel down about what we are for real..
lot of us dont have enough courage and confidence to live our real lives, i took a step recently with confession to my girlfriend…
but its far away from what i really crave..
we should all support eachother its really hard.
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allisonsr
New Member
Posts: 44 
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by allisonsr on Jan 29, 2024 2:50:22 GMT -5
This all really resonates with me. I feel so ashamed of my dev feelings that I haven't even admitted to them in therapy. Somehow, however, I'm super proud of everyone else owning up to them, though!
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Post by devogirl on Jan 29, 2024 8:00:11 GMT -5
I'm so sorry to hear that! I hope you find a therapist you can tell. There are lots of sex-positive therapists. There's really nothing to be ashamed of. The right therapist can help you work through those feelings of shame and won't judge you for being a dev.
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Post by ayla on Jan 29, 2024 12:40:23 GMT -5
Telling a therapist is a really good first step. You know the information is still private. Therapists are used to handling much more sensitive information or confessions than "I think disabled people are sexy." If there's some other stuff tied up in the shame and secrecy that have gone along with your attraction, they'll be able to help you untangle that. It's a lot easier to accept and share once you really understand what it's all about for you.
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allisonsr
New Member
Posts: 44
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by allisonsr on Jan 29, 2024 14:57:01 GMT -5
I'm so sorry to hear that! I hope you find a therapist you can tell. There are lots of sex-positive therapists. There's really nothing to be ashamed of. The right therapist can help you work through those feelings of shame and won't judge you for being a dev. It's me, not the therapist. She has been incredibly open about all the things and helped me a ton. It's also really hard to explain that I don't experience attraction until I know someone really well (have only been attracted to one person in the last 13+ years) but that I'm also a dev. I don't understand it myself! |
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Post by ayla on Jan 29, 2024 17:27:23 GMT -5
Therapists are great at stuff that's hard for you to explain and understand. It's their specialty!
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allisonsr
New Member
Posts: 44
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by allisonsr on Jan 29, 2024 18:03:17 GMT -5
Therapists are great at stuff that's hard for you to explain and understand. It's their specialty! No lie there! I guess maybe I'm afraid to find out that it's just another symptom of my dissociative disorder? I hate the idea that my just existing could pathologize this further? Clearly, I spend too much of my time thinking! Ha. |
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Post by ayla on Jan 29, 2024 21:09:52 GMT -5
Think of it this way: wouldn’t it be a load off to hear that is ISN’T pathological?
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allisonsr
New Member
Posts: 44
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by allisonsr on Jan 31, 2024 15:23:37 GMT -5
allisonsr , isn't the existence of all of us kind of a sign it might not be pathological? Seeing a lot of regular, average, kind women (and men) having the same attraction helped me a ton in accepting this of myself. You are absolutely right. However, I never considered my stepping into non profit leadership roles to be pathological, but it seems to have a pathological root. So now I'm all muddled. LOL |
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