|
|
Post by newjess on Jan 14, 2023 20:31:53 GMT -5
It is wild to realize I've been on PD for almost 7 years now, joining after having just started to accept being a dev. I've learned so much since then and am of course still constantly growing and discovering things about myself that I had repressed or denied.
I am now finding myself in a place in life that I'm excited about, though it is uncharted territory for me. For a long time I truly wasn't sure if I'd ever be in a committed relationship with an AB again. Well... it happened lol. From the get go we've both been on the same page about ethical non-monogamy; we're both new to it, but want to explore it. He also knows I'm a dev and how that factors in.
So, I thought I'd ask the board about your experiences being in LTRs with ABs, what that's been like for you if you were similar to me in not being sure about ABs, and for those that are also ENM, I'm especially curious. How have you found balancing your dev relationships along with your other (non-dev) relationships?
|
|
|
|
Post by Dani on Jan 14, 2023 23:05:53 GMT -5
This sounds great, and I think it's wonderful you can already approach this subject and are on the same page. I'm all for ethical non-monogamy, but I can't find the matching PWD. The one I found and thought would be perfect kinda backed out. So, yeah, still looking...and unfortunately don't have much advice about balancing.
There's a book I liked reading about this topic, "The Ethical Slut".
Wishing you all the very best in your journey.
|
|
|
|
Post by ayla on Jan 16, 2023 19:35:10 GMT -5
Very interested in this thread. My husband and I are exploring consensual non-monogamy after 17 years together. Me being a dev is very relevant to this experiment. My husband knows about my devness and is supportive; he would like me to be able to explore this more (and ideally bring home some renewed sexual energy to share). For my part, I genuinely want him to feel physically desired by someone who isn't distracted by devness...if that makes any sense. I always feel like he deserves more than what I can give, sexually. It is my hope that non-monogamy can bring us closer together but I am also trying to be prepared for the possibility that it could lead us further apart. I second Dani's recommendation of The Ethical Slut! I read it last summer and then re-read it with my husband. I also read Polysecure, but I found it more applicable for people wanting multiple points of "secure attachment" rather than a primary attachment figure and secondary partners (my preferred scenario). |
|
|
|
Post by newjess on Jan 17, 2023 18:07:34 GMT -5
This sounds great, and I think it's wonderful you can already approach this subject and are on the same page. I'm all for ethical non-monogamy, but I can't find the matching PWD. The one I found and thought would be perfect kinda backed out. So, yeah, still looking...and unfortunately don't have much advice about balancing. There's a book I liked reading about this topic, "The Ethical Slut". Wishing you all the very best in your journey. Aw thank you Dani! I have figured it will likely be a long shot to meet a PWD that I fully connect with and is on the same page with ENM, but even just knowing the option is there to explore it if that ever does happen makes a huge difference. |
|
|
|
Post by newjess on Jan 17, 2023 18:19:32 GMT -5
Very interested in this thread. My husband and I are exploring consensual non-monogamy after 17 years together. Me being a dev is very relevant to this experiment. My husband knows about my devness and is supportive; he would like me to be able to explore this more (and ideally bring home some renewed sexual energy to share). For my part, I genuinely want him to feel physically desired by someone who isn't distracted by devness...if that makes any sense. I always feel like he deserves more than what I can give, sexually. It is my hope that non-monogamy can bring us closer together but I am also trying to be prepared for the possibility that it could lead us further apart. I second Dani's recommendation of The Ethical Slut! I read it last summer and then re-read it with my husband. I also read Polysecure, but I found it more applicable for people wanting multiple points of "secure attachment" rather than a primary attachment figure and secondary partners (my preferred scenario). I definitely know what you mean... that is something I always have felt with ABs. I've just never had the same sexual energy with an AB that I've had with PWDs. Though, I've discovered a sexual connection with my current partner that I've never really experienced before with an AB. We really took our time to build trust and intimacy in our relationship in a way that truly satisfies my demisexual side, and we share some kinks which really helps (bondage and D/s). Admittedly, I still worry about being able to meet his sexual needs in the long term, but I've been open about these concerns and so far things have been going well. I have had The Ethical Slut and Polysecure on my list for a while but haven't gotten to reading them yet, definitely planning to soon! |
|
