Blindhapa
New Member
Totally blind since 8 yo.
Posts: 28 
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by Blindhapa on Jan 17, 2023 17:03:56 GMT -5
It would be nice to have a dev/partner who could help me shave because I sometimes cut myself and don't even realize it. After shaving one morning, I went to work and people acted startled seeing me. They asked me if I needed to go to the emergency room because without realizing it, I had blood all over my shirt. Apparently, I looked ghastly.
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realpara48
New Member
Posts: 32
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by realpara48 on Jan 17, 2023 18:08:03 GMT -5
Never dated a dev and doubt I ever will 🙄🥲 But my ex was married to a guy that was a para like myself , so it made things a bit easier as she know what to expect etc . I’ve found dating someone that basically doesn’t have a clue about sci a put off , after several short relationships it was quite frustrating on both sides for different reasons . Dating a dev would be a dream come true 👌🏻😛 Are you positive that the ex that also dated a para wasn’t a dev? Seems like one possible clue.. no was more gold digger than dev 🤣👍🏻 |
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realpara48
New Member
Posts: 32
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by realpara48 on Jan 17, 2023 18:12:13 GMT -5
Are you positive that the ex that also dated a para wasn’t a dev? Seems like one possible clue.. I thought the same thing no defo gold digger 🤣 |
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Post by Dani on Jan 17, 2023 22:34:31 GMT -5
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Post by sungod on Jan 18, 2023 11:19:05 GMT -5
Having a partner that has the interest in my disability that naturally leads to her knowing my abilities and needs is honestly the best aspect of this discussion. Non-devs that just want to be helpful can be so uncertain what they should help with that it leads to being too hands-off or too hands-on. They're too hands-on when they think someone with a disability is incapable of anything (physically or through assistive tools/technology), or they can be too hands-off when they are afraid of being presumptuous and help with things we don't need.
Like any relationship, the small things matter most! Some examples of things that a dev partner could help me with:
-When out to eat and the food is finally coming, grab my adaptive fork and strap it on
-Help put on my coat when it's time to go outside in the winter (until we move to a tropical paradise)
-Put on my computer glasses at the start of my WFH day
-Move my Monopoly pieces on the board, even though I'm beating you mercilessly
I also love the distinction brought up of a PWD helping their dev partner with things. Personally, my ability to help physically is pretty limited, but I am more than willing to sit you on my lap and give my best go at a shoulder/neck massage! It might feel more like a squirrel running across your shoulders than strong, manly hands working out the knots of a stressful day, but I have a feeling that some in this crowd might still appreciate it. I'm also always willing to contribute where technology allows me, such as:
-Being copilot/navigator in the car
-Managing a recipe that we're cooking (chop faster! Your roux is boiling!)
-Get online and figure out why the stinking home Internet went out again
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lyon11
New Member
Posts: 35
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled
Relationship Status: In a relationship
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Post by lyon11 on Jan 18, 2023 12:33:27 GMT -5
Another thing I'd like to do is help with wheelchair maintenance. This would be great, I usually suffer when I have to clean the axles of the casters, since they are filled with hair and it is very difficult to remove the axles to lubricate them. |
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Post by ayla on Jan 18, 2023 13:26:37 GMT -5
Another thing I'd like to do is help with wheelchair maintenance. This would be great, I usually suffer when I have to clean the axles of the casters, since they are filled with hair and it is very difficult to remove the axles to lubricate them. It’s always great in a relationship when there’s a chore one person “likes” and the other hates/can’t do. That’s why I always snake the hair and gunk out of our drains 😝 and my husband files the taxes. 😜 |
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Post by lisa on Jan 19, 2023 5:03:06 GMT -5
Having a partner that has the interest in my disability that naturally leads to her knowing my abilities and needs is honestly the best aspect of this discussion. To be honest, it is one of the best aspects for me as a dev as well. I really enjoy the fact that if I am getting to know someone I can either guess the disability really fast or, if he tells me, know at least to a certain amount what this means for his life. But it already ends there, I don't think that it means that we can know the exact abilities and needs. It may seem so because we might know which questions to ask ;-). At least I am all for making sure that I really understand how his life looks like, what he can and cannot do and if he wants help with stuff or not. People are very different there, some might appreciate something others with a similar level of function might not. Another thing that I have observed in me (and other devs ;-)) is that I like to encourage the guy to try to do stuff on his own or find creative ways to accomplish tasks. On the other hand, not all like to talk about disability stuff. That's where the difficult part starts :P. But fortunately on PD this has almost never happened to me. |
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Post by lilyinblossom on Jan 20, 2023 12:01:07 GMT -5
I've already answered that thread on my favorite way to help/assist so here I'm gonna focus on the inclusion part, or at least what I understand by inclusion. I think it would be most related to technology and logistics like make him responsable for organizing our trips (tickets, hotel reservation, looking for accesible places, etc.). About technology, I frequently fantascize about living with a "high-tech quad" partner in an automated home. Turning lights on and off, locking our doors, setting our air conditioner, everything done through a smartphone, of course operated by him. I guess it would make him feel so independent and helpful. Small things in daily life like forgetting to turn on the dishwasher or washing machine after leaving home but it's not a problem when your partner has an app which controls it from his phone.
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loveonaroll2
Full Member
Looking forward to being part of this community and learning growing and making connections
Posts: 182
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled
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Post by loveonaroll2 on Feb 13, 2023 8:55:38 GMT -5
Pwd Cp
here i’ve never dated a dev so far based on my experience I would be open minded to that if the right opportunity came along but from dating experience so far
it is so hot when she says she doesn’t need my aid and that she wants to be alone with me although I would love my aid to show her what to do From a physical perspective but I can walk her through it I just like being with a girl Who makes me feel loved and accepted and I’m just me their boyfriend Cp and all
Also I love physical touch handholding kissing hugs I have a very high sex drive so I like when she initiates sex or she is the one who wants to come over
I like when she initiates hangouts dates / texts just as much as I do if not more it makes me feel desired
Open doors for me
Driving us places
I like when she’s nurturing to me it makes me feel like a man
I like reassurance from time to time
Words of affirmation
Quality time
When she makes an effort to include me with her Family and friends
Surprise me with nice Little thoughtful gestures
Like a playlist or songs that makes her think of me That’s something I like to do when I’m dating a girl or giving me my favorite drinks or food also doing something I would do for her.
And I want her to feel comfortable with me to ask me questions any questions she may have and be able to have about my disability and the future of our relationship
I want her to be able to have fun with me and feel like she can talk to me about anything
Also I like when she thinks about me throughout the day and shows me though her actions call text video chat voice message ect
And I always like when the girl I’m dating has an interest in disability works with people with disabilities friends with them works in a Field related to disability volunteers for a Disability Organization And curious to learn and ask questions open minded and a beautiful sexy soul inside and out
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scarletfire
Full Member
Posts: 119
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by scarletfire on Feb 13, 2023 11:44:13 GMT -5
Researching a good date idea is very much appreciated, like finding a bar or restaurant with really good food or drinks, the right vibe, and that's accessible and isn't all standing room and bar seating or coming up with a more creative date idea that isn't only eating and drinking. If we're at a restaurant and sharing a bunch of dishes, it's nice if he remembers everything we talked about and orders for us. Helping him eat can be really intimate and enjoyable, but only after I'm comfortable with him and into him. If it's the first date or we're still getting to know each other, I don't mind, but it's not a turn on or anything, and there's more chance of it feeling awkward.
I notice guys like to offer to carry things in their laps or hanging off their wheelchairs. Sometimes they also hold or open the door for me which is nice since you might assume it would always be the opposite. I love it if they have some certain knowledge or skill, like IT or computer programming, navigating some kind of bureaucracy, or anything else that I could ask for help or advice about maybe related to their profession or some particular experience they have in an area that I don't. Also explaining sports to me is nice if I ask.
One of the most inclusive and intimate things I can think of earlier on, since I don't have long term relationship experience with someone with a disability, is simply being OK with hearing about and being around for the personal care stuff that comes along with a disability that abled bodied people don't have to deal with. Even if they are independent and can do their whole daily routine by themselves or even if they have a caregiver and you aren't the one providing any care, just being comfortable knowing about and being present around those intimate parts of the other person's life that that are different for them I think feels very close and comfortable.
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loveonaroll2
Full Member
Looking forward to being part of this community and learning growing and making connections
Posts: 182
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled
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Post by loveonaroll2 on Feb 14, 2023 14:58:27 GMT -5
Researching a good date idea is very much appreciated, like finding a bar or restaurant with really good food or drinks, the right vibe, and that's accessible and isn't all standing room and bar seating or coming up with a more creative date idea that isn't only eating and drinking. If we're at a restaurant and sharing a bunch of dishes, it's nice if he remembers everything we talked about and orders for us. Helping him eat can be really intimate and enjoyable, but only after I'm comfortable with him and into him. If it's the first date or we're still getting to know each other, I don't mind, but it's not a turn on or anything, and there's more chance of it feeling awkward. I notice guys like to offer to carry things in their laps or hanging off their wheelchairs. Sometimes they also hold or open the door for me which is nice since you might assume it would always be the opposite. I love it if they have some certain knowledge or skill, like IT or computer programming, navigating some kind of bureaucracy, or anything else that I could ask for help or advice about maybe related to their profession or some particular experience they have in an area that I don't. Also explaining sports to me is nice if I ask. One of the most inclusive and intimate things I can think of earlier on, since I don't have long term relationship experience with someone with a disability, is simply being OK with hearing about and being around for the personal care stuff that comes along with a disability that abled bodied people don't have to deal with. Even if they are independent and can do their whole daily routine by themselves or even if they have a caregiver and you aren't the one providing any care, just being comfortable knowing about and being present around those intimate parts of the other person's life that that are different for them I think feels very close and comfortable. Yes that is something I look for in a partner It’s very important to me that she be willing to do my care or being comfortable to hearing about that stuff and it’s not awkward or weird to talk about for her or for me |
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alchemist
Junior Member
Posts: 76
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled
Relationship Status: In a relationship
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Post by alchemist on Feb 28, 2023 18:48:27 GMT -5
It would be nice to have a dev/partner who could help me shave because I sometimes cut myself and don't even realize it. After shaving one morning, I went to work and people acted startled seeing me. They asked me if I needed to go to the emergency room because without realizing it, I had blood all over my shirt. Apparently, I looked ghastly. Ah oh my, I feel like suggesting an electric razor like a Braun? I never get razor burn anymore, let alone cuts! |
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loveonaroll2
Full Member
Looking forward to being part of this community and learning growing and making connections
Posts: 182
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled
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Post by loveonaroll2 on Feb 28, 2023 19:55:07 GMT -5
Electric razors are super helpful
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Post by atlwheelin on Feb 28, 2023 20:01:02 GMT -5
Electric razors are super helpful We really gotta work on your replies when quoting multiple people. Your replies are going through under their replies which is likely why you aren't getting a larger response. I recommend clicking the desktop option as it lays out the quotes in a box and you just click outside of that box for your reply. |
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