Question for pwds and devs / inclusion

[alchemist]

Inspired by a dev only post that justmae was reflecting on with me, about favorite ways to assist their pwd, so I would like to pose the following question to my fellow pwd’s and other devs on the board:

Question for pwd's:
What are some unique or favorite ways a dev has included/incorporated you or made you feel included? ie everyday tasks, logistics, etc, disability or ability related.

If you haven’t had a dev/partner yet, can you think of any ways you might like or look forward to?

If you are a dev, is there any thing you do (maybe even going out of your way) to include your pwd in small ways?

Example:

- My favorite thing has to be sharing a meal from the same plate and utensils. There are usually two plates, but I like when she feeds us from one plate then the second.

A few more examples:
- Putting her phone on my lap so I could assist with the maps and gps while she drove us around.
- Sharing photos of what she sees throughout her day.

[writerg]

I can transfer myself most of the time unless the surface is too high or unfamiliar. My GF is very strong. I like when she throws me around, puts me some place I wouldn't normally transfer to on my own. Her strength makes me feel safe and since she knows I like her muscles, it contributes to her confidence.
I also give her leg and foot rubs since dating a chairman means access to a constant foot rest.

[KTisAlive]

love this question!
ok so my partner isn’t a dev — wish she was tho — and we both like me to be as independent as possible and a lot of the assists feel just kinda routine. that being said there are some things she does for me or that we do together that keep me included or even better, helps with intimacy.

showering together probably the biggest one. it’s great bc i sorta get to return the caregiving favor: like washing her, shaving her legs or something, or even just rinsing her off with the shower handle. kinda related we both do our skincare routines together. she obvs has to help me with mine bc i lack the finer hand dexterity but its our fave — and we get to really be close & face to face. i need to do it more often but, cooking together is great too. sometimes it’s difficult but i know she appreciates it even if im just putting ingredients into or just stirring a pot.

also + 1 with the strong partner. transfers are so easy — easier even bc im kinda a skinny dude — and tbh its kinda hot and its fun to know she can probably beat up anyone who messes with us. not that that would ever need to happen but still lol.

[ichbin]

Jan 15, 2023 9:55:30 GMT -5 alchemist said:

If you are a dev, is there any thing you do (maybe even going out of your way) to include your pwd in small ways?

Of course! So many things...😍

• holding doors open so he can pass easily

• removing furniture in my bathroom that are in the way

• putting the towel lower so he can reach it

• parking in a parking spot where he has enough space to get in and out of the car (if I am the person driving)

• waiting patiently (and willingly 😉 ) outside of the car when he transfers in and out of the car (when he is the person driving) - as he needs the seat next to the driving seat for his transfer

• closing the trunk of his car which he almost can't reach

• closing his curtains which he can't reach with his hands (rather, he built a smart tool to close them)

• putting a hot water bottle under his blanket before we go to bed because he tends to freeze

• .... etc.

[belgianwheeler]

Jan 16, 2023 4:50:26 GMT -5 ichbin said:

Jan 15, 2023 9:55:30 GMT -5 alchemist said:

If you are a dev, is there any thing you do (maybe even going out of your way) to include your pwd in small ways?

Of course! So many things...😍

• holding doors open so he can pass easily

• removing furniture in my bathroom that are in the way

• putting the towel lower so he can reach it

• parking in a parking spot where he has enough space to get in and out of the car (if I am the person driving)

• waiting patiently (and willingly 😉 ) outside of the car when he transfers in and out of the car (when he is the person driving) - as he needs the seat next to the driving seat for his transfer

• closing the trunk of his car which he almost can't reach

• closing his curtains which he can't reach with his hands (rather, he built a smart tool to close them)

• putting a hot water bottle under his blanket before we go to bed because he tends to freeze

• .... etc.

Stop the hot water bottle if it stays in bed. Used to do this and it exploded. I had a 2nd degree burn because of it.

[ichbin]

Jan 16, 2023 5:25:28 GMT -5 belgianwheeler said:

Sorry you got burnt 😱

Since he uses one at home for himself, I don't think he minds that I put one in bed for him when he stays over, but thanks for letting me know about the dangers! 

[realpara48]

Never dated a dev and doubt I ever will 🙄🥲
But my ex was married to a guy that was a para like myself , so it made things a bit easier as she know what to expect etc .

I’ve found dating someone that basically doesn’t have a clue about sci a put off , after several short relationships it was quite frustrating on both sides for different reasons .

Dating a dev would be a dream come true 👌🏻😛

[para1134]

I totally agree

[shadow]

Jan 16, 2023 8:31:06 GMT -5 realpara48 said:

Never dated a dev and doubt I ever will 🙄🥲
But my ex was married to a guy that was a para like myself , so it made things a bit easier as she know what to expect etc .

I’ve found dating someone that basically doesn’t have a clue about sci a put off , after several short relationships it was quite frustrating on both sides for different reasons .

Dating a dev would be a dream come true 👌🏻😛

Are you positive that the ex that also dated a para wasn’t a dev? Seems like one possible clue.. 

[ayla]

I have always loved fantasizing about those "little moments" of providing help and/or inclusion. It's practically an involuntary reflex now, to ask myself "how would this situation be with a pwd partner?" I'm a person who can easily get overwhelmed by too many options or abstract distractions (thanks, ADHD) so I find the idea of constantly troubleshooting disability weirdly grounding and focusing. I would love a partner who wants to try new things together often, tackling them as a team. All the Dev ClassicsTM appeal to me too -- helping him move or position himself, enabling anything that would be impossible/impractical for him alone, and receiving HIS help with the things he is able to do for me. Another thing I'd like to do is help with wheelchair maintenance; I'd love to have someone teach me how to do that (it would be a good mix of providing help while receiving help, in my opinion).

[lisa]

Something that is almost a reflex for me is checking out the accessibility of places when I am somewhere, for example restaurants, public buildings, holiday locations and so on. I want to be prepared for the moment a wheeler wants to have dinner with me :P.

What also has become quite an automatism for me is being at the more "fitting" side of a PWD when we walk somewhere. It's been the case a couple of times that one side just worked better for his body (because I could support him should he stumble or he could see me better when being next to me or something like this). To be honest, sometimes it even felt strange being out and about with somebody to who that doesn't matter ;-).

[em]

Jan 17, 2023 6:26:34 GMT -5 lisa said:

Something that is almost a reflex for me is checking out the accessibility of places when I am somewhere, for example restaurants, public buildings, holiday locations and so on. I want to be prepared for the moment a wheeler wants to have dinner with me .

What also has become quite an automatism for me is being at the more "fitting" side of a PWD when we walk somewhere. It's been the case a couple of times that one side just worked better for his body (because I could support him should he stumble or he could see me better when being next to me or something like this). To be honest, sometimes it even felt strange being out and about with somebody to who that doesn't matter ;-).

Oh I like the part about walking on a specific side! Don't have any PwD experience, but it's definitely something I consider when I'm making up stories in my head

[lyon11]

I believe that with your love, support and motivation, you already help us a lot with that.
I don't have a DEV partner but I've always fantasized about her helping me shave, because I think that this way she would get close enough to me, so she would be within my reach to caress her or steal a kiss from her.

[Dani]

Jan 16, 2023 14:43:50 GMT -5 shadow said:

Jan 16, 2023 8:31:06 GMT -5 realpara48 said:

Never dated a dev and doubt I ever will 🙄🥲
But my ex was married to a guy that was a para like myself , so it made things a bit easier as she know what to expect etc .

I’ve found dating someone that basically doesn’t have a clue about sci a put off , after several short relationships it was quite frustrating on both sides for different reasons .

Dating a dev would be a dream come true 👌🏻😛

Are you positive that the ex that also dated a para wasn’t a dev? Seems like one possible clue.. 

I thought the same thing

[mnquad07]

never met anyone in real life so I don't know