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Post by infinatedreams on Mar 16, 2023 15:25:52 GMT -5
welcome bee ... I cant give you any advice on how to find the 'one' but as an older dude, you are soooo young so please dont stress or tear yourself apart thinking you will never find that 'guy'. You will and probably when least expecting it!
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Post by hotmealsonwheels on Mar 17, 2023 23:36:42 GMT -5
Hello, I’ve rewritten this introduction too many times but always ended up never posting. I’m a 25 year old female from London, finally coming out as a devotee. I guess I’ve known what (or who) I am for a while. But also spent most of that time forcing myself into some sort of auto conversion therapy. Clearly hasn’t worked out. I’ve recently (very recent) ended a long term relationship and got a bit lost, realising that one of the main reasons the relationship ended was my lack of interest, physical and emotional, towards my able-bodied partner. He was great. He is great. He’s not dead. But I did feel like I was dead whenever I had to be intimate with him. I would always close my eyes and imagine someone else, or even worse: him but with a disability. It felt wrong. Before him, with the infamous dating apps, I’d always swipe left on every person. Always boring and frustrating, always felt like they were missing something. Then a very handsome guy in a wheelchair superliked me. It felt like a dream. I couldn’t believe it. We got along more than I expected and used to call each other almost every day until we finally agreed to go on a date. My hands were sweating and I probably looked at the mirror 50 times before I left the house. He seemed confident at first, we went for drinks and food and spent the whole day together. By the end of the night we’re both drunk and he started to open up. Very vulnerable and insecure. He cried. And I felt like the worst person that ever existed. Was I taking advantage of him? He had no idea about my “”inclinations””. We kissed. Never saw each other again. After that I gave up on trying to meet another disabled guy. But now that I’m single again, I can’t help myself looking for a sign of a wheelchair at the corner of the pictures of guys on tinder. It’s exhausting and a bit maniac, but I also don’t want to go back to dating men I have no interest in. Can anyone give me an advice on how stop thinking if I don’t find “the one” I’ll never be (romantically speaking) happy? Such a cute and an honest expression of feelings
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bee
New Member
Posts: 12
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by bee on Mar 18, 2023 14:34:44 GMT -5
Thanks everyone who took their time to welcome me and give advices. More than appreciated. I’m very happy I found my people!
Just to clarify. I’ve dated (casually or not) a lot of AB men. I’m sure I’m not into them and won’t go back to that path.
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yupif
New Member
Posts: 33
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled
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Post by yupif on Mar 18, 2023 14:41:19 GMT -5
Greetings from France ! And welcome, I do love London, I plan to come back there soon ! You shouldn’t feel guilty about anything, in my experience : It’s not very easy to date with someone for us ! Me personally, I remained silent too many times. (Although I knew people boys or girls who where clearly into me, I mean deeply in love. Or, simply physically attracted to me) : my deepest regret today is to have not been able to speak back then ; (I felt like you that I might done something wrong etc) … No matter the outcomes, I think today that you got to live life when you can. 🙂
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Post by quadin91 on Mar 19, 2023 9:05:57 GMT -5
Welcome aboard from a fellow UK inhabitant! Bravo on your first post. A very open an honest introduction. Fingers crossed you'll be able to look back at this in the future and realise it was a huge pivotal point in your life, that turned out to be the best thing you ever did!
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Post by britishtetra on Mar 26, 2023 3:01:19 GMT -5
Welcome Bee, I am from Birmingham… I hope you enjoy and contribute to the board.
Pete
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2023 7:28:08 GMT -5
Hello, I’ve rewritten this introduction too many times but always ended up never posting. I’m a 25 year old female from London, finally coming out as a devotee. I guess I’ve known what (or who) I am for a while. But also spent most of that time forcing myself into some sort of auto conversion therapy. Clearly hasn’t worked out. I’ve recently (very recent) ended a long term relationship and got a bit lost, realising that one of the main reasons the relationship ended was my lack of interest, physical and emotional, towards my able-bodied partner. He was great. He is great. He’s not dead. But I did feel like I was dead whenever I had to be intimate with him. I would always close my eyes and imagine someone else, or even worse: him but with a disability. It felt wrong. Before him, with the infamous dating apps, I’d always swipe left on every person. Always boring and frustrating, always felt like they were missing something. Then a very handsome guy in a wheelchair superliked me. It felt like a dream. I couldn’t believe it. We got along more than I expected and used to call each other almost every day until we finally agreed to go on a date. My hands were sweating and I probably looked at the mirror 50 times before I left the house. He seemed confident at first, we went for drinks and food and spent the whole day together. By the end of the night we’re both drunk and he started to open up. Very vulnerable and insecure. He cried. And I felt like the worst person that ever existed. Was I taking advantage of him? He had no idea about my “”inclinations””. We kissed. Never saw each other again. After that I gave up on trying to meet another disabled guy. But now that I’m single again, I can’t help myself looking for a sign of a wheelchair at the corner of the pictures of guys on tinder. It’s exhausting and a bit maniac, but I also don’t want to go back to dating men I have no interest in. Can anyone give me an advice on how stop thinking if I don’t find “the one” I’ll never be (romantically speaking) happy? Welcome! Hope you’re enjoying it here? I’d love to chat to you a bit more. We’re the same age and live close to each other…
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Post by happyface2013 on Mar 28, 2023 12:05:51 GMT -5
A warm welcome from Ireland.
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Post by Experimentalist on Apr 2, 2023 9:42:35 GMT -5
Hi bee, welcome to the forum! Thanks for your open and eloquent intro. That final rewrite did the trick Dating is tricky but it’s also a journey. Try to enjoy they path and don’t just focus on the destination. About dating apps, the thing to remember is that they’re not designed to find you an ideal match but to keep you on there as much and as long as possible. That’s how they make money. Use them if you have to but do it with a clear plan to make sure you’re using the app more than it uses you.
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yupif
New Member
Posts: 33
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled
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Post by yupif on Feb 23, 2024 12:29:47 GMT -5
Hello, I’ve rewritten this introduction too many times but always ended up never posting. I’m a 25 year old female from London, finally coming out as a devotee. I guess I’ve known what (or who) I am for a while. But also spent most of that time forcing myself into some sort of auto conversion therapy. Clearly hasn’t worked out. I’ve recently (very recent) ended a long term relationship and got a bit lost, realising that one of the main reasons the relationship ended was my lack of interest, physical and emotional, towards my able-bodied partner. He was great. He is great. He’s not dead. But I did feel like I was dead whenever I had to be intimate with him. I would always close my eyes and imagine someone else, or even worse: him but with a disability. It felt wrong. Before him, with the infamous dating apps, I’d always swipe left on every person. Always boring and frustrating, always felt like they were missing something. Then a very handsome guy in a wheelchair superliked me. It felt like a dream. I couldn’t believe it. We got along more than I expected and used to call each other almost every day until we finally agreed to go on a date. My hands were sweating and I probably looked at the mirror 50 times before I left the house. He seemed confident at first, we went for drinks and food and spent the whole day together. By the end of the night we’re both drunk and he started to open up. Very vulnerable and insecure. He cried. And I felt like the worst person that ever existed. Was I taking advantage of him? He had no idea about my “”inclinations””. We kissed. Never saw each other again. After that I gave up on trying to meet another disabled guy. But now that I’m single again, I can’t help myself looking for a sign of a wheelchair at the corner of the pictures of guys on tinder. It’s exhausting and a bit maniac, but I also don’t want to go back to dating men I have no interest in. Can anyone give me an advice on how stop thinking if I don’t find “the one” I’ll never be (romantically speaking) happy? Welcome in here I'm From France but I'm often in London ❤️🇬🇧
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Post by PacMan on Feb 24, 2024 19:09:53 GMT -5
All I want to know is what the hell apps have all those Devs searching PWD using? 😂
I mean I have blisters on my thumbs swiping through profiles hoping and praying I might stumble upon someone that is actually attracted by my disability and not put-off because of it.
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Post by ayla on Feb 26, 2024 11:41:18 GMT -5
All I want to know is what the hell apps have all those Devs searching PWD using? 😂 I mean I have blisters on my thumbs swiping through profiles hoping and praying I might stumble upon someone that is actually attracted by my disability and not put-off because of it. I think PWD and devs alike are basically in the same boat... like ships in the night among a vast sea of AB profiles, hoping to chance across one another...
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Post by PacMan on Feb 26, 2024 13:43:53 GMT -5
All I want to know is what the hell apps have all those Devs searching PWD using? 😂 I mean I have blisters on my thumbs swiping through profiles hoping and praying I might stumble upon someone that is actually attracted by my disability and not put-off because of it. I think PWD and devs alike are basically in the same boat... like ships in the night among a vast sea of AB profiles, hoping to chance across one another... That’s why I wish ayla all dating apps and sites would give an option that would say something like, “would you consider dating someone with a disability?” If you had that both PWD’s and Devs would at least have a place to go to in the hope of meeting each other. The only site I’ve ever seen where it asks if you want to search for Devs is ‘dating4disabled.com’ which used to be a pretty good site many years ago but these days its completely destroyed with fake profiles, I’ve given up on it a long time ago. I actually have contacted dating sites like ‘Match.com’ and asked if they would consider adding some sort of option where you could search for and agree to dating PWD’s and although some have replied back saying it was a good idea and something they would consider I’ve still never seen it actually being added to their sites.
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Post by ayla on Feb 26, 2024 14:39:29 GMT -5
Would be brilliant, PacMan , but I doubt they'll ever implement that feature because they would not like the optics of allowing users to "opt out" of being willing to date PWD. I'd be satisfied if more apps/sites simply allowed for keyword searching of profiles! This used to be the norm and now it's extremely rare. The last big site to still have the feature was OKCupid and they removed it a year or so ago. The only app/site I know that has it now is one called Boo, which still has a small and skewed user base.
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Robson
New Member
Posts: 11
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled
Relationship Status: It's complicated
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Post by Robson on Apr 23, 2024 23:47:02 GMT -5
Hello Bee, everyone has their preferences and sooner or later you have to accept that that's just how you are. At your age it was even harder for me. But with increasing experience you will find your way around better and better.
I know what I'm talking about because I've have a more specific preference since I was a teenager and it took time for me to accept that and learn to deal with it.
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