… Incontinence?

[artlover1994]

After seeing this in the comments section of another post, it got me thinking. Devs, is incontinence something that can turn you on?

Example: My partner is a complete paraplegic with no feeling, movement, or sensation. He doesn’t know when he needs to go, but doesn’t usually get AD so he schedules his catheters through the day. He wears protective underwear in case of any leakage, which does occasionally happen. I don’t want anything to do with his pee or poop, but I’m fascinated with how his body doesn’t know when he needs to go. My guy is independent in the restroom, so the only exposure I get to his incontinence is during sexy time. TMI but we’ve learned to keep caths and bedpans close by! I love when he wears overnight underwear or swim underwear as backup protection. His restroom routine can take a long time but I am patient knowing that he can’t push or hold it in, everything just needs to happen naturally.

PWD, is this something you are embarrassed by? Or something you don’t think much about? Know that there are some devs out there who love every part about you!

[mnquad07]

to answer the embarrassment part...when you become disabled, in most ways we see here, you pretty much lose privacy and have to learn to not get embarrassed easily. You can't learn, you can't move forward, you can't teach if you are hiding things. You know what I'm trying to say?

[djkream]

Mar 25, 2024 16:15:42 GMT -5 mnquad07 said:

to answer the embarrassment part...when you become disabled, in most ways we see here, you pretty much lose privacy and have to learn to not get embarrassed easily. 

This. I've said this so much.

[tanya]

It's a weird one because I don't find it sexual in the same way that transfers, generally moving around with non-functioning legs and wheeling around in a manual chair get me going but I do find incontinence fascinating.

Anything at all that affects the body which the rest of us takes for granted really fascinates me and knowing how each guy deals with it interests me too. Things which are used to help cope with incontinence like catheters and incontinence pads probably give me devvy emotions, rather than the actual incontinence itself of having an accident, although if that was to happen during an intimate moment with a PWD during sex I would find it devvy to take care of the situation and see him at his most vulnerable and for him to know that I was OK with it.

Not sure if I'm making much sense but that's my take on it.

[previousguest]

I am super conscious about it and has been embarrassing in the past.

[artlover1994]

Mar 26, 2024 2:47:23 GMT -5 tanya said:

It's a weird one because I don't find it sexual in the same way that transfers, generally moving around with non-functioning legs and wheeling around in a manual chair get me going but I do find incontinence fascinating.

Anything at all that affects the body which the rest of us takes for granted really fascinates me and knowing how each guy deals with it interests me too. Things which are used to help cope with incontinence like catheters and incontinence pads probably give me devvy emotions, rather than the actual incontinence itself of having an accident, although if that was to happen during an intimate moment with a PWD during sex I would find it devvy to take care of the situation and see him at his most vulnerable and for him to know that I was OK with it.

Not sure if I'm making much sense but that's my take on it.

You put this in better words than I did! I fully understand your rambling and agree with you completely. It’s the difference in our bodies that fascinates me, as does the way he knows his body and how to handle those situations.

[ayla]

For me it is a point of vulnerability and connection. It's intimate knowing about these things even if I don't have any particular desire to watch/help/be present for bladder/bowel care. I certainly don't have any wish for the person to experience an accident; I would feel empathetic if one happened and would want to be helpful if possible. I like being someone the person can talk to about these things casually, without feeling secretive or embarrassed. And if he wanted me to be present or help I wouldn't have any problem with that -- in fact it might even be a turn on (meaning I'd be turned on that he wanted to share something personal). However, if he wanted to keep it 100% to himself I wouldn't be bothered by that or feel like I was missing out on some bit of intimacy. I'd be fine if he preferred some privacy there.

[lyon11]

It has certainly happened to me, usually at work or when I travel, and it truly embarrasses me.
I have a slight sensation of chills or makes the skin crawl and this tells me that I should use the catheter, but when I have an infection I don't have time to use it and that ruins my day.
When it happens in my house, it's not that annoying, although thinking about the person who does our laundry noticing it also makes me embarrassed.

[denna]

This is a great topic to discuss because interest in cathing is often an example of the line drawn between the "creepy" bad devs and the acceptable devs. From what I see here and my own feelings, I think someone can have some interest in some aspect of it and not be "creepy."

Cathing or incontinence was never something I had any interest in. I remember devogirl said in her writing that to date someone with an SCI you have to be OK with a little pee. I didn't think I was, so I hoped she was wrong. Turns out, I think she was spot on, but I never actually found accidents or cathing a turn off at all.

I appreciate that it's another aspect of his body that brings us closer together. He's comfortable with me being there when he does it and helping or helping him if he has an accident. That makes me feel close to him and like our relationship is special since he isn't comfortable with most people knowing about that stuff. It's also attractive how in tune with his body he is to know when he has to go. Plus I enjoy getting to see his thing a lot more often than if he was AB haha.

In my experience, guys definitely get embarrassed by it and are self-conscious about it. My guy basically feels like if he has an accident, he's lost the game of SCI that day, and it really puts him in a bad mood. Having an accident is probably the most upsetting thing to him of all the SCI stuff or anything else that could often go wrong in life.

[dutchdev]

I think making that the difference between creepy devs and acceptable devs is tricky. In the AB world there are plenty of people that have bodily functions play a role in their sexlife. I think the difference is accepting no and treating someone respectfully, and if you both enjoy playing around with that, go for it.

For me, not a turn on, not a turn off, just a fact of live. A little secret: I have pee and poo exiting my body daily as well, the way might be different and annoying if it doesn't go how and when you plan, but also fact of live.

Might be the fact that as a mom I have been responsible for other peoples bodily functions for the last 10 years, but to me cleaning up spilled milk is more annoying than pee.

[artlover1994]

Apr 2, 2024 17:17:29 GMT -5 denna said:

I appreciate that it's another aspect of his body that brings us closer together. He's comfortable with me being there when he does it and helping or helping him if he has an accident. That makes me feel close to him and like our relationship is special since he isn't comfortable with most people knowing about that stuff. It's also attractive how in tune with his body he is to know when he has to go. Plus I enjoy getting to see his thing a lot more often than if he was AB haha.

In my experience, guys definitely get embarrassed by it and are self-conscious about it. My guy basically feels like if he has an accident, he's lost the game of SCI that day, and it really puts him in a bad mood. Having an accident is probably the most upsetting thing to him of all the SCI stuff or anything else that could often go wrong in life.

This is a great response! I really appreciate you taking the time to write and share. I agree with the point that you seem to make here that being with and/or around a PWD more and in a more intimate way can reframe the way you think about those bodily functions and the body’s unique way of going about them.

[lyon11]

Apr 2, 2024 17:17:29 GMT -5 denna said:

I appreciate that it's another aspect of his body that brings us closer together. He's comfortable with me being there when he does it and helping or helping him if he has an accident.

When I started my relationship with my wife, I had to decide between a) having an accident or b) using the catheter in front of her because we were driving in the car.

I decided on (b) and yes, this brought us closer and allowed us to spend more time together.

[curiousginger]

I would say for me that it’s not so much that I’m turned on by cathing / bowel programmes, more that I am turned on by how they’ve overcome and adapted and I find that strength incredibly sexy.