Disabled, curious, new, and a little nervous

[jakeonwheels]

I have been disabled since 7th grade. Chronic pain, fatigue, spasms in my legs that make walking unsafe, have to use a wheelchair most/a lot of the time. If not I’m plonking along on crutches. I’m autistic too which manifests as special interest in Legos and nerdy stuff, especially Star Wars.

I have been trying my whole life to fit in with abled people. Like physical therapy to walk better, talk therapy to be able to mask and regulate more like an abled person, etc… I’ve tried to live with and partner with abled people and it doesnt work.

Everyone eventually gets resentful that I’m not abled and have needs that abled men do not. Then they dump me, often SAYING that it’s bc I’m disabled. It sucks.

Everyone has always drilled into me don’t be defined by your disability, walk as much as you can even if it means you collapse in pain, be as normal as you can even if it means you’re not yourself. Bc that’s what the abled partners, family, friends wanted and I didn’t want to be lonely and weird *and* in a wheelchair.


I want to know what it it’s like to be wanted bc I’m disabled and not despite the fact that I’m disabled. I’m a little afraid that if someone’s attraction to me is based on my disability that they will bounce if I have a good streak or bounce if things get harder… and I’m scared what if they only like me for my wheelchair and jerky legs.


I don’t fully understand devotee stuff… but do devotees want to be girlfriends and partners or is it just sex/kink? Does it mean that they’ll think less of me bc I’m losing more function bc I got injured again? Do devotees only like paralyzed guys and amputees?

I feel curious and would like to meet someone to talk to and learn about stuff from. Maybe explore a bit or have a discord call or something. I am bisexual and love all genders.

I’m still trying to get added to that server. Jake0236 #7523


I’m not allowed to DM yet but maybe we can connect over IG.

I am loving, devoted and honest. I can get confused bc I’m autistic so I don’t really pick up on hints or innuendos. So if you want to tell me stuff I need a map.

http://instagram.com/p/B5_amtlBM8B

This is me and my friends. They love me a lot so you better be nice to me, lol.

Jake

[ichbin]

Hi Jack and thank you for your intro that made very clear what you are looking for and what questions you have. I think If you read through this forum a bit - you could use the search function to look for specific things - you might find really interesting stuff. I remember when I joined PD over 10 yrs ago (I had a different username back then) I was on the forum for many hours each day to read through threads.


I like how you describe yourself "I can get confused bc I’m autistic so I don’t really pick up on hints or innuendos". It´s a really cool move to share who you really are. So, thank you for that!

--

To answer a few of your questions:

"do devotees want to be girlfriends and partners or is it just sex/kink?"

They definitely want to be girlfriends and partners!

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"Does it mean that they’ll think less of me bc I’m losing more function"

I know a woman who never told her disabled partner she was a devotee. His condition got worse because of his disability (illness). She actually found it a big turn on. When she finally told him, she´s a devotee, he was so relieved because he wasn´t afraid any more she would dump him someday because his condition gets worse.

--

"I want to know what it it’s like to be wanted bc I’m disabled and not despite the fact that I’m disabled"

Then you are definitely right around us devs!

--

"Do devotees only like paralyzed guys and amputees?"

No, there are devotees that are more into blindness or deafness or whatever disability you can imagine.

--

In the end, it´s not so much about the disability but about the person. If a devotee is not attracted to your personality also, the fact that you're disabled won´t have much impact.

I wish you a great time on this server!

[mnquad07]

welcome and hope you find everything you are looking for and maybe things you weren't looking for but find anyways... Thinking only good things...

[jakeonwheels]

Thanks friends. I hope to meet new people who can show me the ropes a bit to see if this is something that I like.

I can feel uncomfortable in my body for lots of reasons, pain, fatigue, gender dysphoria (I’m a trans man who has not been able to have bottom surgery so I wear a strap.) and my sex life until now (37) has been really mostly about pleasing other people.

My last gf barely touched me in ways meant to give me pleasure and I never pushed bc slow self esteem I guess.

I guess a big concern of mine too is safety. Like my ex gf was coming to my house while we were breaking up bc she wanted to have an in person conversation and I told her that I didn’t want her to and that for me video or phone was fine. She ignored me and all my texts telling her not to come and said: “I’m getting in the car, we’ll talk when I get there.” And like I’m an older tattooed trans man but she’s super strong and does rock climbing and I can’t lift more than 7 Lbs. I was really scared bc my caregiver/roommate/best friend was not home. It makes me fearful just thinking about it.

I want to meet people but how do you know if they’re safe? Do people usually bring safety buddies?

[jakeonwheels]

Also Ichbin I wrote you a response earlier but now I don’t see it in our chat history. Maybe I just didn’t post it right?

Anyway it was just a personal thank you for taking the time to answer my most burning questions it helped so much.

And also I am so new I don’t even know where to start. I would love to read books and stories, that helps me learn about things.

If you had to pick 5 search terms for PWD noob what would they be?

[Dani]

Welcome to PD! I hope you find some answers and connections here.

For me personally, I am a devotee primarily interested in acquired SCI affecting walking or lack thereof. I'm not an amputee dev, as I prefer the legs attached to a guy.
I don't consider my attraction a fetish or a kink; I consider it an attraction, simple as that. It is, however, different for every dev and very individual to each person.
Personally, I would still have to vibe with the person I'm interested in; a disability of my preference alone is not the only thing I care about. That also being said, I can be interested and attracted to men with disabilities other than my preferred one if I find them interesting and their personality is attractive to me.
I think many devs still care about other character traits in the person they want to be with, not just a disability alone.

Since devs and PWD are not so common considering the world population, it is not very simple to find that match; we are spread out all over the world.

I'm not sure about search terms regarding devs and PWD...I really think that PD is the only legit and mostly safe place on the www where devs and PWD have an opportunity to meet, mingle, connect and learn about each other. If you actually type in "devotee" in search, sometimes you get things that are connected to religious groups and worship, I think in Hinduism. PD is mostly safe with the occasional "not real" person showing up as far as disability but most of the long time members have a pretty good sniffer for people who say they are something they are really not. Unfortunately, we make ourselves vulnerable to a degree by being here and some people try to take advantage of that vulnerability, which can be very frustrating. 

As far as books and stories, we have several writers here who have published their works, myself included. If you check out the "Story" section here on PD, you will find us: Devogirl, Annabelle Costa, Ruth Madison, and Dani Deveaux (me), just to name a few who have also published their works. Some of our male PWD, like Braced4Impact and happyface2013, also write stories. You could check out the Original Devotee Fiction Blog where writers have posted stories for many years. You may have to go to the archives there to find the older stories. The link is above.

Have fun digging around in here, and hopefully, you find what you're looking for.

[jakeonwheels]

Apr 13, 2024 18:09:10 GMT -5 Dani said:

Welcome to PD! I hope you find some answers and connections here.

For me personally, I am a devotee primarily interested in acquired SCI affecting walking or lack thereof. I'm not an amputee dev, as I prefer the legs attached to a guy.
I don't consider my attraction a fetish or a kink; I consider it an attraction, simple as that. It is, however, different for every dev and very individual to each person.
Personally, I would still have to vibe with the person I'm interested in; a disability of my preference alone is not the only thing I care about. That also being said, I can be interested and attracted to men with disabilities other than my preferred one if I find them interesting and their personality is attractive to me.
I think many devs still care about other character traits in the person they want to be with, not just a disability alone.

Since devs and PWD are not so common considering the world population, it is not very simple to find that match; we are spread out all over the world.

I'm not sure about search terms regarding devs and PWD...I really think that PD is the only legit and mostly safe place on the www where devs and PWD have an opportunity to meet, mingle, connect and learn about each other. If you actually type in "devotee" in search, sometimes you get things that are connected to religious groups and worship, I think in Hinduism. PD is mostly safe with the occasional "not real" person showing up as far as disability but most of the long time members have a pretty good sniffer for people who say they are something they are really not. Unfortunately, we make ourselves vulnerable to a degree by being here and some people try to take advantage of that vulnerability, which can be very frustrating. 

As far as books and stories, we have several writers here who have published their works, myself included. If you check out the "Story" section here on PD, you will find us: Devogirl, Annabelle Costa, Ruth Madison, and Dani Deveaux (me), just to name a few who have also published their works. Some of our male PWD, like Braced4Impact and happyface2013, also write stories. You could check out the Original Devotee Fiction Blog where writers have posted stories for many years. You may have to go to the archives there to find the older stories. The link is above.

Have fun digging around in here, and hopefully, you find what you're looking for.

Thank you for answer and explaining to me how it’s different from a kink and a fetish. I tend to like women who are 5’2” and under with dark hair, I don’t like EVERY woman like that, and not all the women I like are like that… is that how being a dev is? Or I know that you cannot speak for everyone but is that a pretty common way to experience being a dev?

Thank you for the recommendations. I will go and check them out. Right now I am mostly interested in stuff from the Dev perspective bc I just found out yall existed. I mean other than random cautionary tales of people being fetishized in ways they didn’t like. But I did not realize there was a community, or point of contact, or anything.


So, sorry if I’m prying or overeager. That’s part of the autism. I try really hard to be polite in the NT way but sometimes I get carried away and just start blasting questions bc I want to know all about the thing. 🙈