|
|
Post by dolly on Apr 25, 2008 12:18:40 GMT -5
as reassuring and affirming as finding paradevo was/is.... i still have moments when i wish i could go back to the time when i just knew i liked men in chairs - and yes, it was confusing, and yes, it was alienating - but i still wasn't aware that it wasn't "just me" and that it was a "thing" that others had too... that had a label and everything.
i take huge comfort in knowing i'm not alone, but i swear i felt waaaaay more comfortable around wheeler guys before i realized that i had a "thing" that had a name. that people like me had a name.
it would be soooo nice to think i could meet a lovely man in a chair who i could just LIKE without having to confess something or feel guilty that i'm hiding something. even though i am more accepting of my devness (which is great), i feel i am much more reluctant to seek out the right wheeler knowing that i would have to "come clean" about my interest. i wish it didn't matter.
i guess i'm saying that ignorance can sometimes be bliss? lol pardon my rambling.
p.s.
i really wouldn't trade in the knowledge and camaraderie i've gained for anything... it just seems to complicate the potential for a real relationship.
|
|
|
|
Post by Enid on Apr 26, 2008 8:53:31 GMT -5
The biggest con I see is wheeler guys knowing about it. I'm scared that they've only heard about the rotten apples. Or that it can be more obvious if people know what to look for, so it's easier to get paranoid about acting weird or letting it show. However this stood out to me: it would be soooo nice to think i could meet a lovely man in a chair who i could just LIKE without having to confess something or feel guilty that i'm hiding something. even though i am more accepting of my devness (which is great), i feel i am much more reluctant to seek out the right wheeler knowing that i would have to "come clean" about my interest. i wish it didn't matter. Honestly, I don't think that has changed. Even before I knew there were more people like me, I was aware that this was a secret and not a nice one. I'd probably end up feeling the need to come clean even if I couldn't put a name to it. Sure, maybe I'd be less scared about the reaction I could get if I hadn't already seen people get very upset about it, but other than that... |
|
anais
Junior Member
Posts: 66
|
Post by anais on May 19, 2008 9:36:54 GMT -5
I think there are some cons (to play the devils advocate). For instance, when I discovered "the label", my mixed feelings included the disappointment of not being "so damn special" as I have always considered myself to be.
Another disatvantage is, that the term isn't specific enough (or should I say too specific? I am not sure..). I mean, if we get concrete, who devs are? Those that are attracted to paralyzed people? But how about quads, broken libms, braces, casts? Do we have names for them too? Sometimes, I am not sure I fit into the "dev" category, but I don't have a better one. But here is the trap. Coz if you have a label for one thing, you ought to have one for a closer thing. Sometimes, not having a label allows you more freedom of exploration.
|
|
|
|
Post by irishclaire on May 19, 2008 10:59:25 GMT -5
anais, i agree. i'm not that keen on the label itself as i think it depends on the individual what we are attracted to. sometimes i think "do i belong here?"
|
|
|
|
Post by BA on May 19, 2008 16:01:20 GMT -5
I call myself 'Dev' or 'Deva' for lack of any better term. We all experience and express our desires so differently. I am ok with the label, but I do not let it define me. Obviously, it is only one aspect of my life, as it is for all of us.
IrishClaire, if you have a strong attraction to a man with some type of disability and feel like you can let go and really be yourself, then sure you belong here! We all have different aspects of disability that we prefer... some are more specific than others.
The thing is that's it is OK to belong here!!!
|
|
