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Post by Lee on May 22, 2008 22:32:12 GMT -5
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Post by Claire on May 23, 2008 8:36:17 GMT -5
Interesting! Cory seems open about devotees, but misguided about objectification. He seems to take it as a given that what is going on in the devotee mind is "healthy objectification", but I take issue with that. That's not what's going on in *my* mind.
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Post by devogirl on May 23, 2008 23:31:01 GMT -5
Yes, it's disability week at Savage Love. Ditto with the podcast--has anyone listened? At least this time he got in an expert, and an expert who is pro-kink and pro-dev. This has not always been true in the past. We can argue about exactly what he said, but it's still way better than the last time devotees came up in his column, when he ran a letter about some sick sadist and made it seem like we are all like that. And you can always write him a letter yourself. His column really does help change attitudes, and the more info on devotees that gets out to the general public, the better.
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Post by Claire on May 24, 2008 6:01:44 GMT -5
I wrote a letter:
Hey Dan and Cory,
LOVED the piece on sex and disabilities. I love to see the general public reminded that people with disabilities are entitled to their own sexuality.
I have one issue with Cory's statement regarding devotees objectifying the disabled. I *am* a devotee, a female devotee, 37 years old, married to an able-bodied man. I have been a devotee all my life, long before I knew that there were other people like me and that there was actually a name for this.
As much as I enjoyed your post, I take exception to the assumption that devotees objectify people with disabilities. That's true in some cases, just as there are always people who are going to objectify others for whatever reason. But being a devotee isn't automatically about objectifying people. It's about finding beauty in difference. I find that there's an exotic beauty to certain people with disabilities. It doesn't matter whether you consider devoteeism to be a fetish, a paraphilia or a preference; it's about finding beauty where much of the world does not. But beauty is only skin deep, and that cliché is just as true for devotees as anyone else. Any relationship I might have with a person with a disability would have to be based on mutual respect, compatibility, an emotional and intellectual connection. If that's not there, then that's when the attraction, and any possibility for a relationship, ends.
Unfortunately, it's a universal truth that one bad apple spoils the bunch, and that's the case with devotees. We are not all what you think.
Best regards, Claire Conreaux
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Post by Claire on May 24, 2008 6:02:21 GMT -5
The response: Hey Claire, Thanks for your email. Actually what I was trying to say was precisely your point. In the column everything gets condensed but you might be interested in listening to the podcast where the topic of devotees came up again and I made it very clear that there are lots of people who identify as devotees who aren't fetishizing and are interested in connections that are multi-layered. If you're interested you can check out the podcast here: podcasts.thestranger.com/savagelove/archives.php#a036718(the disability calls start about half way through the podcast). thanks again for emailing and talking about your experience. Best, Cory
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Post by laurasweetou on May 24, 2008 12:55:37 GMT -5
Can we have an AMEN! for Claire?!
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Post by Ouch on May 24, 2008 22:47:20 GMT -5
Well worded Claire, looks to be another notch in the 'W' column.
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Post by dolly on May 26, 2008 10:22:28 GMT -5
...being a devotee isn't automatically about objectifying people. It's about finding beauty in difference. I find that there's an exotic beauty to certain people with disabilities. It doesn't matter whether you consider devoteeism to be a fetish, a paraphilia or a preference; it's about finding beauty where much of the world does not. But beauty is only skin deep, and that cliché is just as true for devotees as anyone else. Any relationship I might have with a person with a disability would have to be based on mutual respect, compatibility, an emotional and intellectual connection. If that's not there, then that's when the attraction, and any possibility for a relationship, ends. i love this and think you said it perfectly. the part about finding beauty in difference is how i have tried to explain it too. thanks, claire!
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