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Post by Deleted on Aug 11, 2008 11:52:04 GMT -5
I really don't post very much but I need to vent.
I've always been a nice guy, I guess I was just raised that way. After I got injured, I actually became a better person. As a quad, I deal with a lot of sh*t and had to learn to have a positive attitude. I'm respectful, chivalrous and patient. I genuinely care about people and try to make them feel comfortable. All I've ever asked in return is to be treated with a minimal amount of respect.
I've recently come to the realization that, short of family members, people generally don't care about my feelings. The proverbial last straw came last night as I was out with a friend. When she has a problem, I'm there. She has a busy schedule, so when she has time and wants to hang out, I make time. I bend over backward, not because I have to but because I want to be a good person. And what do I get in return?
Without going in to detail, I was slighted with absolutely no consideration for my feelings. This happens to me time and time again. I always just let it roll off my back but I've had enough. I'm done. No more mister nice guy. No one gives a sh*t about my feelings so I'm jumping on that bandwagon. If no one is willing to put in the small amount of effort it takes to make a friend feel welcome, why should I.
So, the new me cares about me. No more next day phone calls to see if she got home OK. No more re-arranging my schedule to accommodate someone else. No more listening to everyone else's problems. I'll blend into the rest of the careless, disrespectful world.
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Post by Claire on Aug 11, 2008 11:58:49 GMT -5
You know what, nice guy? It's a balance. Sometimes we can be too solicitous of others, to our own detriment. But there is a balance where you can care about others, and still care for yourself too. I'm not saying that I've perfected this; far from it. But I know it exists and it's something to strive for. I suspect you are probably too nice of a person for this new philosophy to really work for you.  I'm sorry this girl did that to you. She is probably not worth all the time you give her. But, she might be, as well. If you consider her a good friend maybe you should talk to her about your feelings, and see what comes of that. Good luck to you. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 11, 2008 12:43:01 GMT -5
This girl was just the latest. I get stepped on nearly every day of my life and have always brushed it off. I'm tired. I'm always the good friend and it has never gotten me anywhere. The total lack of respect is what turned me.
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Post by matisse on Aug 11, 2008 12:46:35 GMT -5
I wonder if being nice is partially genetic. When it comes to relationships, I think a lot of women lose out because they perceive niceness as weakness. I think that's partially genetic too.
As for your friend, maybe she just got accustomed to taking you for granted. But lots of people are very self centered, if she's one of those, she's probably not worth having as a friend.
Keep us updated on your progress, I'd be interested to hear how it goes. It's actually a bit of a battle because the niceness comes partly from getting happiness out of seeing other people happy. So in some ways you are depriving yourself a little. You just have to remember that the lack of reciprocity ends up making it not worthwhile.
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Post by natasha on Aug 11, 2008 20:14:27 GMT -5
I'm sorry to hear that...Like Claire said is about BALANCE.... Dont give too much is you dont feel your friends are treating you equally, but dont get angry or frustrated neither, not worthy believe me...For instance u can make a little change in changing your name for something less nice then!! jk!
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Post by mrjefffurz on Aug 12, 2008 14:39:41 GMT -5
im a habitual "nice guy"...and i have many burn scars to prove it,,,i cant count the times, after another scar is healing, ive bitched about it and screamed "to hell with this,,,im going to learn to be an asshole"...but i simply cant be anything that im not...im a klutz so being able to look myself in the mirror to shave is a neccesity...i do hope i can reach a point where i can stop myself short of giving more than i can afford and not having enuff of "me" left...but at my adbanced age im not going to hold my breath on that one....and i also have to add one thing,,,,i find that i am mostly attracted to "bad grrlz"...yes,,i plead guilty to the hypocracy...
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Post by faith on Aug 13, 2008 17:48:16 GMT -5
Once a nice guy.. always a nice guy.
And generally nice guys don't fake mean too well.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2008 19:50:10 GMT -5
I don't plan on being mean, I just will not put the effort into friendships as I have in the past.
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Post by E on Aug 13, 2008 21:45:39 GMT -5
I don't plan on being mean, I just will not put the effort into friendships as I have in the past. Good call. 'Cause you're not already handicapped, right? |
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Post by matisse on Aug 13, 2008 22:27:20 GMT -5
Yeah, it would suck to be born an asshole and also be a wheeler.......
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Post by Triassic on Aug 14, 2008 7:24:27 GMT -5
i'd be curious to know exactly what this chick said to him that was so awful...
you know...smetimes you can THINK you're a 'nice guy' but actually be kind of a jerk in subtle ways; passive aggressive, buried jealousy and hostility(especially if you're sexually attracted to your 'friend'), engaging in envelope-pushing and 'testing'-type behaviour.
i am speaking from personal history here, unfortunately.
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Post by laurasweetou on Aug 14, 2008 14:03:07 GMT -5
I have to agree with Tri on this one. This is exactly what women discuss when we go powder our noises.
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Post by Claire on Aug 14, 2008 14:29:43 GMT -5
I agree with Tri, too. I've both lived it, and done it. So you're not alone there, Tri. I'm NOT saying that I think you, mrniceguy, are like that...I don't know you and have no earthly idea. Just saying that the circumstances described by Tri exist.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2008 15:38:43 GMT -5
It was nothing like that. We've discussed it before and I actually told her that I wasn't attracted to her. As I've said before, my change in attitude isn't stemming from this one instance, I've just recently opened my eyes to the lack of reciprocated respect from some of my so called friends.
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Post by E on Aug 14, 2008 15:53:24 GMT -5
It was nothing like that. We've discussed it before and I actually told her that I wasn't attracted to her. As I've said before, my change in attitude isn't stemming from this one instance, I've just recently opened my eyes to the lack of reciprocated respect from some of my so called friends. Why don't they respect you? |
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