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Post by faith on Aug 29, 2008 13:18:55 GMT -5
I have never felt this way before, nor did I ever think I would... but recently I have found myself wishing I was not a dev or at least had less dev feelings.
Don't really know why except maybe it would be easier if I could just be like every other woman... but nooo.
For years I viewed the devo thing as a gift, but recently it seems to be just getting in the way.
Anyone else ever feel this way?
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Post by BA on Aug 29, 2008 14:35:58 GMT -5
I have felt that way many, many times Faith. I do sometimes feel that it is a curse that is both strange and cruel because, I do not get the same pleasure out of being with a nice looking able-bodied guy that most women do.
Here is the major problem for me. At some point, like most of us, I got tired of the way I was and tried to just "shake it off" (ie. if I pretend it doesn't exist, then I can just make it go away) and subsequently stopped looking for wheelers at all. Without an internet and pre-internet, wheelers just about didn't exist anyway.
What then happened (and happens to many of us) was inevitable. I met nice, attractive, able bodied men and ended up with the one who was, of course, the nicest and most attractive. Damn, my devo itch is like a constant hum in my lowest side and no matter how much I get, I remain hopelessly unfufilled because what I think I should need to be really aroused is not what I REALLY NEED. Damn, damn.
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Post by charlene on Aug 30, 2008 2:10:44 GMT -5
I feel you, faith and AB.
Ever since I found out that I was a dev, I wish I hadn't found out and I wish I wasn't a dev.
I find myself looking for able-bodied guys.
Every dev is different and I gotta say, I never felt unfulfilled in a relation with an able-bodied man, but I'm not sure, if it might happen in the long run.
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Post by Valkyrja on Aug 30, 2008 20:58:26 GMT -5
I had never regrets for being dev (forgive my rusty english!) LOL.
I have just one regret... I've never met a para or quad, never!... not even in the university!!
Besides, I discovered I'm not so weir a few month ago (perhaps a year). Sometimes, though I love my couple, I feel that something is missing in me. It's like an urge... a burn desire... really don't know how to explain it.
But regrets... NEVER.
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Post by faith on Aug 30, 2008 23:29:35 GMT -5
Valkyr- your english is very good.  I don't know that I would use the word regret. I have no regrets and I don't know that I would REALLY change if I could. I am a very goal oriented person and although this isn't a real goal (or at least one your track on a goal sheet!) it is just frustrating that it is unfulfilled. Almost unattainable. I sometimes wonder if I am just spinning my dev wheels for nothing.... |
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Post by me on Sept 1, 2008 11:38:33 GMT -5
I think pretty much all of us feel this way, I know I do |
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Post by dionisia on Sept 1, 2008 22:10:21 GMT -5
I don't know if i regret it but i do feel guilty sometimes....not all the time...but sometimes...and yes, i wish i hadnt found out (now) but at the moment i did, i felt relieved..... i guess when i stop to think about the whole thing it makes me feel bad to like so much and get so turned on by the things about my b/f that he probably likes the less about himself... it is a weird feeling and it raises a lot of questions...and also...i dont know what will become of my love life if we ever break up....seems hard to think about going back to the "norm"...will i get turned on at all ?? but anyway i'll stop this rambling i am going completly off track  |
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Post by dolly on Sept 13, 2008 0:30:22 GMT -5
oh ya, faith. i can definitely relate.
the 'dev thing' has always been a roller-coaster ride for me. up, down, and all around. the best of times and the worst of times. lol sometimes it feels like a beautiful gift, and other times a heavy burden.
and so the journey continues...
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Post by Devoblue on May 18, 2010 11:54:49 GMT -5
I know this is an old thread but this was something that I was thinking about today and dug around to see if it had ever been discussed. There are times when I find my dev side really consuming me and in these phases I often wonder if it would just be easier if I wasn't this way. It wasn't something I ever consciously chose, this is just me but sometimes it would be easier to not be a dev and be rid of that constant desire to fill a void. On the other hand I don't think i'd ever give up those moments where there is a rush of excitement when I see a wheeler guy or the pleasure taken from any other little thing that indulges my devness. There are quite a few new voices around here now..just curious if this is a common feeling or not. |
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Post by BA on May 18, 2010 20:25:17 GMT -5
There is no language more expressive than Yiddish/Yinglish. I think shtupping is one of the best words on the planet! |
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Post by Devoblue on May 19, 2010 2:51:56 GMT -5
You make a good point annabelle. I do really relish my "go-to" fantasy and wouldn't give that up. It's the days, weeks etc where my dev thoughts are more consuming to the point of distraction that makes me think about the whole thing. I guess I still need to learn how to find a balance with it instead of getting frustrated by it.
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Post by Neffie on May 19, 2010 13:55:42 GMT -5
GAWD life would be so much easier if i wasn't a dev!!!
Would I be married with kids, would I stop thinking a part of me was missing? I would probably be an entirely different person as my Dev feelings made me somewhat aggressive, angry and hurt. I tried to hide it and just ended up with high blood pressure and an eating disorder not to mention a bunch of Alpha male psychopaths in my wake. I let men use me through guilt and got into some horrible situations because i couldn't get to grips with it.
You know the ironic thing is that once I finally admitted it, no one was bothered!!! hahhaha all that trauma and everyone's just pretty underwhelmed! Also I actually feel so much better in myself and although I have no yearning to be with AB guys I no longer hate them. I used to treat men like dirt because they couldn't be what I wanted when no man can be.
It's a learning curve and I can only think that a hundred years ago lesbians probably felt the same way about their urges. I think it's important for me to not deny them at all as it's not something I advertise (like wanking) but it's not a dirty secret either.
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Post by Devoblue on May 20, 2010 12:00:47 GMT -5
It's a learning curve and I can only think that a hundred years ago lesbians probably felt the same way about their urges. I think it's important for me to not deny them at all as it's not something I advertise (like wanking) but it's not a dirty secret either. This is a good comparison that I hadn't thought of before. I just need to work on not denying my urges anywhere other than on here or in the privacy of my own company. I've never owned up to being a dev to anyone other than people i've met thru this site. I'm having a very hard time coming to that point. I'm a scaredy cat. lol |
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Post by BA on May 21, 2010 5:56:32 GMT -5
Blueeyes, love... with time I think you are going to be amazed at the amount of self acceptance you will experience and you do not have to shout your devness from the rooftops. I do not speak of mine to anyone off the board, because I see no reason to share my sexual life and preferences with anyone in the course of general conversation.
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Post by Devoblue on May 21, 2010 12:45:06 GMT -5
Thank you BA for the words of encouragement. You're right that I don't need to shout it to anyone. And I guess there are plenty of people that have other facets to their lives that they keep to themselves. I think i'm going to try and not overthink the whole thing so much anymore and just enjoy the indulgences I have. I may as well make the whole thing a big positive in my life as opposed to something I agonize about. |
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