Hi Guys...A Little Confused

[glimpy]

Hi Everyone, I'm new here and wanted to ask a question or two. Just FYI: I've been injured for 19 years. I'm a C4 quadriplegic meaning I'm paralyzed from my shoulders down with no movement in either my arms or legs, but the intelligence of the writing here makes me think you already knew what this means.

Only recently have I came across the whole dev "sub culture" if you will. Please let me state here and now that I mean absolutely no offense by anything I inadvertently may say or ask. However, I do have a few questions that have me wondering what's this all about. I've read through several posts and it seems to me that some of you guys are really struggling with being attracted to guys/girls in wheelchairs. I was wondering why you feel so bad or are concerned about these feelings? Is it simply that you are attracted to the wheelchair or the concept of paralysis? Or does the person who is paralyzed factor in to your attraction? Obviously, I understand the latter is usually part of it and that makes me confused as to why you struggle since, to me, that would be simple chemistry at work.

Next, why do you guys get such a bad rap? As I said earlier, I have just recently "discovered" the devotee concept, but most paralyzed people I know are (for lack of a better word) freaked out if they find out someone lives this lifestyle or has these feelings in such a way.

Again, my sincere apologies if I have offended anyone by something I have written above. I personally would like to get a better grasp on the whole thing and thought "why not ask".

I hope to hear from several of you and thanks for not tar and feathering me for being a noob!

[BA]

Sept 1, 2008 1:56:22 GMT -5 @glimpy said:

I've read through several posts and it seems to me that some of you guys are really struggling with being attracted to guys/girls in wheelchairs. I was wondering why you feel so bad or are concerned about these feelings? Is it simply that you are attracted to the wheelchair or the concept of paralysis? Or does the person who is paralyzed factor in to your attraction? Obviously, I understand the latter is usually part of it and that makes me confused as to why you struggle since, to me, that would be simple chemistry at work.

Well, since you put it that way (simple chemistry at work), I no longer feel even a slight twinge guilty.

Seriously, if you read back in the devs only section over time you will see a common theme for many of us of is reconciling desire and guilt. Here is the major dichotomy for me: I am really attracted to wheelchair users. It is a sensual and sexual preference for me. On the other hand, I would never wish anyone any type situation that would cause them any grief, pain or hardship. If what you are really attracted to in someone has the potential to cause that person some sort of suffering, isn't that somewhat guilt inducing?

[me]

Personally, I feel that devotees often struggle to accept and be open about being attracted to someone who doesn’t fit into the stereotypical norm of attractiveness as majority of society fail to recognise that disabled people can still be attractive.
I've been labelled a freak many times because I dated a couple of guys with disabilities, being labelled a freak by your peers isn’t a particularly positive experience.
I also think that some devotees who are attracted to physical appearance alone (the type that ask for and get off on photos) and often become stalker like in their behaviour give the rest of us a bad name especially within the disabled community.
I wouldn’t wish suffering on anyone, nor do I want to be a carer but I am attracted to some disabled guys (quadriplegics specifically), however I am not attracted to everyone with a disability only those who have other attributes that I find attractive in a man.
Confused? Join the club

[faith]

Welcome glimpy and glad you joined us.

If we could answer this question, or at least justify it in our mind, there would almost be no need for this site .... well, except the pics and stories of course!

"Simple chemistry at work" would certainly be a good answer if there wasn't so much more.
Let me see if I can explain.

If a good looking guy (around my general age) walked by me I might think "He is nice looking." I MIGHT even wonder if he is with someone but I would smile and continue walking. That would be the end of that.

If a good looking guy (around my general age) went by me in a chair my heart would begin to race, my cheeks begin to blush, my eyes would probably go to the ground because I would suddenly become so nervous and all my self-confidence would suddenly be gone. I am not sure if I could smile at him, although I would try. I would continue to think about him for a while and even maybe later that day.

It isn't "normal" chemistry. It is something different.
Now... I can't imagine any long term relationship of any kind without "real" chemisty (beyond a chair).

And somewhere in there is guilt. We women are good at that. But it might have to do with the hardship of chair life or the struggles of daily life etc. And even though none of us would ever, ever wish it on anyone, it still somehow brings a guilty feeling when there is an attraction there.

So I hope now that I have cleared that up.. about as clear as mud!

[raindog]

I don't think anything about human relationships is ever much clearer than mud. We all just stumble around and try to figure this stuff out the best we can.

I'm not sure if it helps your feelings of guilt but certainly your attraction to my disability will never change the fact of my disability. My life is going to be difficult regardless of what you guys do or feel. So, if something good comes out of that, I would have to think that's a positive.