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Post by Claire on Sept 27, 2008 6:54:19 GMT -5
The thread about who makes or would make a great para actor got me thinking about something that goes through my head sometimes.
I fairly often will see a really hot guy who is exactly my type except...he can walk. Inevitably I'll think "Wow, he'd make such a hot para!!" I imagine the guy in a chair with atrophied legs and...whoa...OMG. I would be in dev heaven. Immediately to be followed by horrible guilt at thinking such a thing. I'd never wish that on ANYONE (who didn't ardently desire it)!! And yet the thought still occurs to me. And I feel like a horrible person. But he *would* make a hot para! Such conflicting thoughts.
Does this happen to anyone else?
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Post by Enid on Sept 27, 2008 9:29:53 GMT -5
Yeah, bonus points if the guy is actually sitting down. I feel guilty just remembering this, but as a teen most of my devo "daydreaming" involved guys I knew who could walk just fine. Sometimes those images still flash on my mind if a stranger sitting down actually catches my eye, but this is quite rare... I don't look at people that much. I guess I have an easier time avoiding the problem because it was mainly daydreaming and I'm in control of that (so I can use imaginary people!). It is an incredible source of guilt, that's for sure... specially whenever the idea of "not wishing bad things on anyone" comes up.
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Post by BA on Sept 27, 2008 14:41:10 GMT -5
Yep, ditto, yep and yep. Same thoughts, same guilt, same 'would be hot, if only' factor.
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Post by mrjefffurz on Sept 27, 2008 16:01:14 GMT -5
then there is the antithesis...i often see a woman that mets my criteria for "perfect" and my second thought will be "if only i wasnt a para,,,if i wasnt tied to this wheelchair...i would SO go ask her to dance and see if we might make a connection,,,but things being what they are i will turn away and go back to whatever i was doing unhappy with the knowledge that she wouls prolly be very nice to me,,,even dance with me, laff, joke, & party,,,but at the end of the evening i would make my usual solo roll up the ramp & drive my van back to a quiet, empty house...but this life is what this life is and i will be back out there the next weekend secure in the knowledge that ive met women who could see beyond the obvious and change the quiet into noisy for awhile..
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Post by faith on Sept 28, 2008 1:21:38 GMT -5
noi- I am with you.. I have never thought that either.
In fact I would say that my thoughts more align with mrjeff and I almost always think that he doesn't want to be in a chair.
Doesn't make me think he is any less hot however.
Oh, the confusion of it all!
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Post by charlene on Sept 28, 2008 2:24:16 GMT -5
I'm with Noi and Faith. Never ever thought that before. A guy doesn't have to be in a chair to make me think he's hot... then there is the antithesis...i often see a woman that mets my criteria for "perfect" and my second thought will be "if only i wasnt a para,,,if i wasnt tied to this wheelchair...i would SO go ask her to dance and see if we might make a connection.. Just go for it, you might as well meet a dev, a girl who can look past the chair or a girl who just wants hot sex with a wheeler cuz she never had one before... lol* |
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Post by Claire on Sept 28, 2008 8:38:34 GMT -5
Well, thank you Enid and AB for your honesty. I'm so glad I'm not *totally* alone! I'm kind of bummed that we are in the minority, so far, though. Still makes me feel like a freak. Ah, devness...  For me, a hot guy is a hot guy, but he'd be hotter in a chair. That's all. Faith, I *never* think that he actually wants to be in a chair (the odds would be astronomical). That was not at all the point I was making. Jeff... *hugs* It can be hard to keep trying when you've been shot down. Takes a lot of faith in yourself. Keep trying.  There is *so* much goodness in you and dev or no dev, I know that we're not all such shallow creatures. And...perhaps bars are not the place to find them? Dunno, just a thought. |
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Post by dolly on Sept 28, 2008 8:51:10 GMT -5
Yep, ditto, yep and yep. Same thoughts, same guilt, same 'would be hot, if only' factor. me too. and like enid said, it's more so if the guy is sitting down. in restaurants, or other places where people are seated, i will sometimes see a good looking guy and 'imagine' he's in a wheelchair instead of the regular chair he's sitting on. it's purely fantasy, i obviously don't wish the subject harm, in fact i often will send the person a silent blessing afterwards.... i guess it's sort of a superstitious way to feel like i won't be jinxing the guy or anything. |
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Post by BA on Sept 28, 2008 11:09:32 GMT -5
I'm with Noi and Faith. Never ever thought that before. A guy doesn't have to be in a chair to make me think he's hot... Clarification: A guy does not have to be in a chair to make me think he's hot. I have never exclusively been with wheelers either. If a guy is hot, he's hot. The chair just puts that hotness over-the-top. |
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Post by mrjefffurz on Sept 28, 2008 12:36:43 GMT -5
my dear, sweet ladys,,,you are not freaks,,,everyone, i would think, finds certain, particular features that make a person of their sexual preferences a stage or to more attractive,,,you are nothing like the typical male devos that ive studied,,,i can understand your feelings of guilt because the thing that ya'll find attractive is unusual,,,but i dont think you would feel that way if your "switch" was flipped by an obese man...chubby chasers is their label....try not to feel so much angst,,,its okay,,really...i promise...
as for where i go to meet grrlz,,,*sigh*,,,i have a thing about bar grrlz...bad grrlz, if u will...plus i live 10 miles south of BFE,,,the places to meet women is very limited...
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Post by E on Sept 29, 2008 8:31:56 GMT -5
then there is the antithesis...i often see a woman that mets my criteria for "perfect" and my second thought will be "if only i wasnt a para,,,if i wasnt tied to this wheelchair...i would SO go ask her to dance and see if we might make a connection,,,but things being what they are i will turn away and go back to whatever i was doing unhappy with the knowledge that she wouls prolly be very nice to me,,,even dance with me, laff, joke, & party,,,but at the end of the evening i would make my usual solo roll up the ramp & drive my van back to a quiet, empty house...but this life is what this life is and i will be back out there the next weekend secure in the knowledge that ive met women who could see beyond the obvious and change the quiet into noisy for awhile.. I know she shares my humor as her wit bites me across the bar and she laughs at my sarcasm her dark hair tossed back She makes a point to touch me when she passes by often turning around completely to shine a smile upon me She spies me without seeking me and others wait while she speaks to me She absorbs my words completely and when I go she says she'll miss me I wonder if I'd have a chance if I wasn't... I wonder if she'd think how I kissed if I wasn't... I wonder if she'd offer her number if I wasn't... I wonder if I'd be cognizable if I wasn't... I always wonder what could happen if I wasn't... |
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Post by mrjefffurz on Sept 29, 2008 11:43:51 GMT -5
i wish i had written that, E...ive left feeling the exactly that,,thinking those words,,,many many times...
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Post by matisse on Sept 29, 2008 19:59:36 GMT -5
The guilt is a bad and good thing. It's bad because it's not really justified, it's not as if you have the power to cause it to happen. It's good because it's a symptom of a compassionate personality. I bet the hetero-devo guys that wheeler women complain about don't feel that guilt at all.
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Post by E on Sept 30, 2008 8:14:37 GMT -5
I write a ridiculous amount of material -- that one just worked in that instance. It's not my stance, maybe a feeling I had one moment. If there's one thing I have, it's confidence, charm, and humor. Please refer to my photos for reference.  |
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Post by Claire on Sept 30, 2008 9:33:19 GMT -5
Matisse, thanks. I've had that thought many times...the fact that one is even concerned about such things indicates that one is not a bad person. I tend to agree with you that the male devs *that the women complain about* lack that kind of guilt; they feel more a sense of entitlement (ie. "there's so few of you so that we never get to meet any of you, so it's okay for us to take candid photos of you to jerk off to and post them on our photo sites for profit"). I'd add that I've met a lot of male devs who feel that kind of guilt and who don't indulge in creepy behavior (just need to stick up for the good guys).
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For me, a hot guy is a hot guy, but he'd be hotter in a chair. That's all. 
There is *so* much goodness in you and dev or no dev, I know that we're not all such shallow creatures. And...perhaps bars are not the place to find them? Dunno, just a thought. 
