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Post by LadyLuvsParas on Sept 11, 2005 10:32:01 GMT -5
(but strange since we all know most heterosexual (I can't speak about gay/lesbians) teens who are AB have sex/date in American high schools; that's what every study shows). No we do not "all know" that. What I know is that statistics are unreliable at best and they can lie even while telling the truth. Since many of the posters in this thread seem to have missed out on the whole "high school sexual revolution", I personally went and looked for studies on the matter. What I found was that 40% of US teens have engaged in "sexual behavior" by the end of high school. The study in question notes that it included manual stimulation in the mix. I doubt the numbers would seem so impressive if you eliminate heavy petting. I think perhaps the truth of the matter is that high school may have seemed like a "free for all boink-fest" to those of us who weren't getting laid, but the reality is probably that most of us weren't/aren't having sex. I think everyone else covered pretty much all the other points... yes my high school was accessible, no I didn't give a d*mn. |
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Post by BA on Sept 11, 2005 14:10:22 GMT -5
Well, well, well. I am actually going to answer all of the questions that rman has asked. I think his questions are interesting, have merit and are pertinent.
First of all, regarding "high" standards. Let's just talk about my "devo standards". I require a gentleman who is kind, thoughtful, sensitive, attractive (to me), well groomed, educated (college or beyond) and successfully employed. This narrows the playing field. Now add in "disability" (well let's specify even more so w/c or brace user with full upper body function, clear speech and nothing that is likely to be passed onto my children as an autosomal dominant trait) and we are looking for a needle in a haystack. I forgot to add in that we should have some common interests and be willing to relocate to be with eachother..... oh boy. Now tell me, who is going to have a hard time finding a guy? Me!
Anyway, the point is that I have the same standards for a guy w/disability as for an AB guy, except my quirk is that I prefer the disabled guy in terms of attraction.
My High School was private, in a New York City brownstone. I graduated prior to any ADA legislation and we were very much not accessible. In college I did meet 2 guys with disabilities. One was in my typing class and had pretty severe CP. Nice guy but not attractive to me and wouldn't have been if he were
AB. Second guy was in my Chemistry class, was a para and was very cute. He also had a girlfriend with whom I was also friendly. I never asked her if she was a dev, because I didn't know that I was one. I certainly thought I was the only person on the face of the earth who had this attraction, though I imagined that maybe, just maybe she was like me. I couldn't dream of asking her.... just was a bit envious of their relationship.
In short, I didn't date anyone in high school or college with a disability, though I did date one guy who had a green mohawk and a nose ring and another who looked like Brandon Lee as "the crow". (It was the early 80's pre-gothic, post punk thing).
The first guy with a disability that I dated, I had a 4 year relationship with. He happened to be an extremely possessive person and also could be quite verbally abusive. I gave up on the relationship because I was tired of the verbal abuse held him to the same standards of behavior as any AB guy. When things were good between us, the sex was phenomenal. This is a long-winded history of me.
At any rate, had there been an internet when I was growing up and I knew what a devo was, I would certainly have dated more guys with disabilities. I would probably have told them that they turned me on too. I think any guy likes to hear that!
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Post by LadyLuvsParas on Sept 11, 2005 14:55:58 GMT -5
First of all, regarding "high" standards. Let's just talk about my "devo standards". I require a gentleman who is kind, thoughtful, sensitive, attractive (to me), well groomed, educated (college or beyond) and successfully employed. This narrows the playing field. Now add in "disability" (well let's specify even more so w/c or brace user with full upper body function, clear speech and nothing that is likely to be passed onto my children as an autosomal dominant trait) and we are looking for a needle in a haystack. I forgot to add in that we should have some common interests and be willing to relocate to be with eachother..... oh boy. Now tell me, who is going to have a hard time finding a guy? Me!
Anyway, the point is that I have the same standards for a guy w/disability as for an AB guy, except my quirk is that I prefer the disabled guy in terms of attraction.
Wow! You coulda been reading that right off my "impossibly high standards" list!  Yeah, it really is tough out there to be sure! We just gotta fight the good fight I guess. |
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Post by V on Sept 11, 2005 15:45:42 GMT -5
Amusingly, I know a huge number of single guys around 30 right now that meet all of those criteria aside from being disabled. It always amazes me how they feel like all the good women are married and my single girlfriends feel like all the good men are married or gay.  |
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Post by Triassic on Sept 11, 2005 17:28:13 GMT -5
I used to kind of share rman's view that there seemed to be a whole lot of fantasy cultivation, story reading and writing, etc going on here...but I've now come to more clearly see it from the dev females POV: it ain't as easy as it may seem to a single gimp guy.
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Post by Triassic on Sept 11, 2005 17:31:54 GMT -5
Also, a lot of devo's ARE hooking up IRL: absinthe, devogirl and LadyLuvsParas have and may again, Vlady looks like she will...so its not all pure fantasy.
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Post by LadyLuvsParas on Sept 11, 2005 20:26:18 GMT -5
Also, a lot of devo's ARE hooking up IRL: absinthe, devogirl and LadyLuvsParas have and may again, Vlady looks like she will...so its not all pure fantasy. "may again".... Oh put me in coach!!! |
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Post by wheelie37 on Sept 12, 2005 1:52:08 GMT -5
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Post by Lee on Sept 12, 2005 2:28:42 GMT -5
I feel like I'm being accused here of being in the wrong demographic. As if anyone here has any control over the demographic of membership. If you're enjoying yourself, you're in the right demographic. As much as I'd like people to hook up, NOBODY should feel pressured to meet anyone from the board. Safety first. (I know I sound like my mom, but very sketchy things can happen as a result of the internet.) |
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Post by Pisti on Sept 12, 2005 8:07:25 GMT -5
Yesterday evening I started to write a post to this topic, but the system of the internet cafe shut down, and I got kicked out... Now it will be a pretty messi answer, because I'm working...
I don't know how things are in other countries, but it is Hungary I'm talking about.
No, we didn't "date" at highschool... Highschools in Hungary are - or at least were - pretty strickt. We went there to learn, to pass the exams at the end of it and the competition to enter a university/college. Sometimes we were learning together, sometimes I went out with a guy - to parties, to watch a movie, but a kiss on the cheek was the maximum. Actually having sex under 18 was pretty much "prohibited". In fact the law about having sex with minors - in Hungarian we say "crashing a lily" - is not really clear. There were cases where parents who started a procedure against a boy who had sexual intercourse with their daughter found themselfs in the sh*t because the boy was under 18, too... And of course it is the parents who go to the jail, and the kid in an institution for social reeducation.
So if you don't want to make problems to your parents, you just wait.
There were of course rumors of this or that girl, who "did it" already, but we didn't want to cause problems and we were not too interested to ask.
The wild times begun at college/university.
No, my highschool was not accessible... Neither was the general school (from age 6 to 14)before, nor was the kindergarten. Not even the creche was accessible wich is pretty stupid with all those strollers...
After highschool I went to a college for tourisme, which was as unaccessible regarding the building as it was regarding the thinking of people. The "politics" of the college said that disabled people cannot work in the tourisme because it would make unconfortable the guests who are coming to the hotels to have a divine time... It was said during the lectures, and also said out loud right in the face of the mom of a disabled girls who wanted to go to this school - which was quite difficult to enter, and she complied with each and every requirement beside beeing able to walk...
After college when i was already working I went to a university, which had several buildings I found as inaccessible as the college, but once I saw a guy in a wheelchair. I was running late for an exam, so I didn't stop asking how did he manage to come in. Late I checked - there were realy several entrances for wheelchair users, and as the buildings were interconnected, he could have done it by himself, without someone's help - but only by running several extra kilometers...
And of course when I was at highschool there was a separated highscool for the physically disabled, another for the deaf and another for the blind - all in the capital, and not in my town. They begun the separation already at the age of 3 or even before... For the mentally ill there were several daycare homes (no schools...). Actually the new schools are accessible, and open to the integration, but the old schools in old buildings I visited are quite inaccessible.
There's also a very succesful institution for kids that were born with a motor disability - if there's the smallest possibility to make walk a child, they'll do it, but they start at a very young age.
Concerning integration itself - it is a pretty word, but it is just a word... The law requires spetial professors with qualities and degrees - what the schools cannot afford, so they just don't accept disabled kids. Not even small schools in small villages which ones usually accepted disabled kids in the past, without knowing what "integration" meant...
(Sorry for the grammatical mistakes...)
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Post by wheelie37 on Sept 12, 2005 12:28:20 GMT -5
My school was intergrated. I didnt have my accident until i was 21 but i had asthma through nerves ( i was allergic to school! ) Because of this i sometimes had to go in a little room next to the schools nurses office. There were four wheelchair users there. That was where they spent their play and dinner times!  I hope things have changed since then! I still see two of them in my local club. One unfortunately died of kidney failure four years ago So even though they were in an intergrated school they were not encouraged to play with other kids. I even went to a school for younger disabled kids when i played wheelchair basket ball to give them more activities as all they did was a soft play area. I got them doing wheelchair rugby (quad ball) but the parents didnt like at as the kids really got in to it and some got slight bruises from ramming each other in their wheelchairs! The ones in the electric ones were the worst! Just put them in fast forward and watch out!!! Needless to say they didnt have me back next term! Sometimes it is the parents that hold disabled people back |
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Post by Triassic on Sept 12, 2005 13:38:48 GMT -5
"Crushing the lily"...oh, I like that phrase. |
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Post by LadyLuvsParas on Sept 12, 2005 17:47:42 GMT -5
Who with?? See the list of "standards" drafted above by absinthe and ratified by me... sigh... the search continues! |
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Post by V on Sept 13, 2005 1:08:46 GMT -5
sigh... the search continues! You'll find someone. Possibly when you least expect it. |
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Post by Sean on Sept 13, 2005 17:30:23 GMT -5
Sometimes it is the parents that hold disabled people back AI'nt that the truth... The number of times I saw cases of overprotection... Really stiffling parents, who, not knowing any better, love their kids to "death". |
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Yeah, it really is tough out there to be sure! We just gotta fight the good fight I guess.
ladyluvsparas 
I hope things have changed since then! I still see two of them in my local club. One unfortunately died of kidney failure four years ago