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Post by BA on Apr 2, 2009 16:29:10 GMT -5
Devodiva, 100% agreed. The only point where we differ is on reasons for sharing/not sharing devoteeism. My personal opinion is that it's just really doesn't need to be shared.
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Post by vonvon13 on May 19, 2009 23:41:56 GMT -5
yep, always feel bad. i hate the idea of hurting anyone. i get the feeling that my hubby wonders if i wish he ws a para. from all the stuff that has happnd lately.ie. coming on here/writing stories. i would never wish that on anyone. but i cant help it if there is always going to be that thing that would, well, not complete it, but change it? i don't know. so i feel bad for even coming on here if it makes him uncomfortable. he even asked if the story i wrote was real. i was like oh gosh! no. its not. but i cant deny using my imagination feels good. ah. what to do? I think we all fight with that side of us. There is nothing wrong with us. We love who we love. Regardless whom or what it is. I have dated more AB. I must say dating a wheeler completes me. And i can not explain that. |
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Post by vonvon13 on May 20, 2009 9:48:55 GMT -5
thats what makes me wonder. ive never had that experience...i should get over it? lol. I don't know if it is something you can just get over. I may even marry a AB. Who knows. But, I will always be there for all my wheeler friends. And I will always stand up for equal rights for the disabled. I believe, I was meant to be this way for a reason. As far as your hubby. All I can say is if he truly loves you then he will accepted that part of you too. And really he should be ok with it. And be happy to know if it did happen to him. You wouldn't leave him over it. Heaven forbid that ever happening! Don't feel so much guilt over it. |
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CJ
New Member
Posts: 16
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Post by CJ on Jul 8, 2009 15:52:32 GMT -5
I used to feel somewhat wrong about it, but I no longer do. I think it's just a part of how I'm wired. After all, it's not like I'm benefiting from someone else's misfortune. The guys I dated would still have the same issues whether I was in the picture or not. Plus, it's not like I wanted things to be harder for them. Also, I have always been able to separate the disability from the person in my mind. For example, I was attracted to a hot guy who used forearm crutches. We went out a couple of times, but he was a bit of an immature jerk, so it went no further. If I was only interested in the disability, I would have gone out on more than 2 dates with him.
The only thing that continues to make me feel the smallest bit in the wrong about the whole dev thing is other people's reactions and opinions on the matter. Apparently there are plenty of people who see it as strange, but that doesn't bother me like it used to.
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Post by canadiandev on Jul 11, 2009 16:55:03 GMT -5
Hi everyone! I'm a newbie; been lurking and decided that's no fair, I should contribute, too. You all have a lot of good things to say.
I have lots of guilt and have only told three people in the universe that I'm attracted to disabled men: my ex-husband, my current partner (a women, I'm bi - that's a whole other thread), and my best friend - and only when I was really drunk.
Similar to when I came out as bi, I fight my own internal "dev phobia" a lot.
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Post by BA on Jul 12, 2009 7:45:23 GMT -5
Welcome to our board. Thanks for coming out of lurk mode and sharing!
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Post by Emma on Jun 5, 2011 22:52:24 GMT -5
I have never felt guilty about my feelings and have always been very upfront about my attraction to the disability to the man of interest. Sooner or later I state that I know disabilities totally suck and if there was anything I could do to make them abled bodied I would in spite of the fact I would find them less sexy/attractive. I was involved in a farm accident as a teen and spent several months in a wheelchair followed by several more on crutches so I have some idea about the what it means to be disabled. I have found that the men with disabilities I dated seriously have loved that I found them more attractive than their abled bodied brothers and loved their bodies just as they are. Wow gaydev, this is exactly the way I feel. I often felt like the odd dev out since I am not guilt ridden. I too have never felt guilty. I wonder if the way we feel has something to do with the attitude our disabled partners have towards their disability. |
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Post by ruthmadison on Jun 5, 2011 23:19:30 GMT -5
I have never felt guilty about my feelings and have always been very upfront about my attraction to the disability to the man of interest. Sooner or later I state that I know disabilities totally suck and if there was anything I could do to make them abled bodied I would in spite of the fact I would find them less sexy/attractive. I was involved in a farm accident as a teen and spent several months in a wheelchair followed by several more on crutches so I have some idea about the what it means to be disabled. I have found that the men with disabilities I dated seriously have loved that I found them more attractive than their abled bodied brothers and loved their bodies just as they are. Wow gaydev, this is exactly the way I feel. I often felt like the odd dev out since I am not guilt ridden. I too have never felt guilty. I wonder if the way we feel has something to do with the attitude our disabled partners have towards their disability. I think it does! I spoke on another thread about the pull between our feelings of beauty in disability and society's message that disability is bad and tragic, those two competing ideas I think caused my struggles with guilt. Now I have a very different view of disability. I shrugged off what society and media told me to believe about it and I don't apologize for having strong opinions on disability issues. My guilt lessened to almost nothing once I stopped believing what I heard in the media about disability and a big part of that change was from dating disabled men and seeing it up close. |
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