New here and new to realizing I'm a Dev

[wendyloohoo]

I've always been attracted to guys in chairs but have never been brave enough to do anything about it. I've just recently figured out what I am actually and am trying to deal with how I feel about it. I'm glad I've found this board and that I'm not the only one that feels like I do. I've got to figure out what to do with the feelings I have about myself. How did you all deal with your feelings about being a dev and your attractions? When did you figure it out? I just recently learned about devs and what that means I am. I'm feeling confused and a little fearful. Any insight would be most appreciated. Thanks!

[Inigo Montoya]

Welcome and try to relax about it. I think the best thing you can do is to accept yourself. As far as insight, I'd recommend that you just read here, there's a lot of valuable stuff and soul searching already here.

[faith]

Welcome Wendy. Good to have you.
In a nutshell- I have always known I was attracted to guys in chairs since I was young- but it took this website for me to put a name to that attraction. It has been wonderful to know I am not alone, or that there is something wrong with me. I have actually moved from accepting it, to embracing it.. that in itself has been freeing and fulfilling.

Lots to read/learn here. And it is so much easier to be a dev with the internet- from info, stories, pics and actually meeting people. Good luck.

[BA]

Hi Wendy. I have been on this site for a number of years. I had no idea what a 'dev' was before I found this site. All I knew was that I'd felt attracted to otherwise attractive guys w/disabilities for a very long time and I felt guilty that it was a preference for me. I also felt confused and had many mixed emotions about revealing myself to myself. I ended up finding myself in the amazing company of incredible, intelligent and really beautiful women on this board. I suppose over the few years of being here, I no longer feel strange to myself, nor guilty. In fact, I rather like this quirk because it opens more doors than it closes!

Many of the disabled guys, who have ventured onto this board have had incredible insight and have made me feel much better about my attraction.

I hope you stay with us and express how you feel.

[wendyloohoo]

Wow! Thanks to all of you for your support. I've been reading through older posts and that's helping me understand more about what I'm feeling. It's kind of nice to give it a name instead of just feeling the guilt that I've always felt about my attractions. I look forward to learning more about you all and finding my way here.

[Dee Dee]

Hi Wendy and welcome. Stay with us :-).

[CJ]

Hi, Wendy. I'm a fellow dev as well. I've noticed the attraction since grade school, but I didn't realize there were others like me until I looked it up on the internet. Time passed and I didn't think about it for a long time, but recently it's been in my mind more. I finally found this site and it's great to communicate with others that I share this in common with.

[dolly]

hi wendyloohoo. welcome to the board and i'm glad you found us.

like most of us here, i've always been aware of my attraction but didn't know there were others like me until i found this site. i'm still a work-in-progress in terms of integrating the dev-thing into my life and in terms of 'figuring it out' and being comfortable with it. how i feel about it can vary on any given day. but it's so great to be able to share the exploration and experience with others.

i hope you'll find this site as helpful as i have.

[Neffie]

Hi,
This is my first post and am a total newbie to this site and it's been such a revelation! Probably like the majority of you I had no clue there was a name for how I felt until recently and have never told a soul about any of this. It's been fairly isolating and recently i have felt the need to embrace it as at the age of 33 I realised I've never had a fulfilling relationship with any man, least of all sexually (God I hate the missionary position!).

I have known since about the age of 5 or 6 how I felt but I don't believe there was any trigger...I've tried to analyze it but see no point now, it's how I feel, simple.

I think my eyes were opened slowly...I started writing fanfic and didn't do too well at it until I wrote a fic where the main character became a paraplegic. The response was unbelievable and women from all over the world were suddenly writing to me about how hot wheelchair sex suddenly became to them. Suddenly I didn't feel quite so alone and it was also great fun.

Although I know I'm not ready to "out" myself, I think if I was lucky enough to find a man in a chair I would be ok with telling him and certainly don't feel as though my feelings are harmful or disrespectful. Surely there would be far more miserable men in the world if devs didn't exist!

The way I look at it, I am a Western woman living in the Middle East, I'm already pretty isolated and nearly all my friends are married to Egyptian men.
The fact they will only date or marry Arabs doesn't mean that they want to dry hump each man they pass in the street! Likewise, I don't want to jump on every para I see but being in a wheelchair would be on my checklist for Prince Charming. Weird, but hey, who isn't???

[BA]

Oct 26, 2009 1:14:50 GMT -5 Neffie said:

Hi,
This is my first post and am a total newbie to this site and it's been such a revelation! Probably like the majority of you I had no clue there was a name for how I felt until recently and have never told a soul about any of this. It's been fairly isolating and recently i have felt the need to embrace it as at the age of 33 I realised I've never had a fulfilling relationship with any man, least of all sexually (God I hate the missionary position!).

I am so glad you found us! The missionary position, yes. To lie down and 'do your duty' is not a way to go through life is it? Welcome!

[Neffie]

LOL that made me laugh AB and I am glad to have found you lot too.

I do feel like most men treat my like a means to an end and sadly will admit that I rarely have sex sober because I know I won't enjoy it! I have never told anyone that but I think one ex who I was with for 3 months actually guessed and tried to find out why I couldn't relax and that I only enjoyed sex when he was sitting down with me straddling his lap (if he only knew the truth!!!)

I think one of the main reasons I moved to the middle of the desert was to avoid relationships altogether and living in a place were extra-marital sex is illegal has made it easier to avoid the whole issue.
I think most people went through a phase of thinking I was gay, possibly even my parents because no one could understand why I never had a boyfriend and it's only this week that I will admit the truth to myself. I never saw myself getting married and have convinced the world I am terrified of commitment when the actual fact is I could only imagine actually falling in love with a wheeler. Gasp...did I just say that out loud?
God, sometimes I wish I were a lesbian...it would be so much easier !

[anais]

Welcome Nefertari! Glad you found us. This site was a revelation for many of us, I believe.

As about the fanfiction you mentioned. I come to think, that there are much more of us, devs, than we think. Perhaps many women don't admit, that thay are attracted to disability, and prefer to call it "feeling sorry/pitty", being altruistic of merciful. Semantics here is everything.
As I said in the "House" thread (sorry for bringing up the obsession again) I was surprized to find out, how many "dev" fiction was produced by women who are completely unaware of the phenomenon, and hold on to a misperception of their own sexuality.
It would have been so liberating, if they could admit it and end up the confusion. So everybody, please get out of the clozet! There is nothing shameful of being differently programmed. Fantazies are great and fullfilling. It is a blessing, an angel's kiss!
I am sure of it, since whenever I am in my dev period (wish it lasted more and was more frequent), I feel so full of creativity and energy, all my anxiety disappeares, I think clearly, it is like my brain is washed with loads of serotonin, as if I have swallowed many SSRIs
Never happier. Enjoy your devness as long as you can.
(I guess, this is my manic phaze talking

[Neffie]

Thanks Anais,
I think you're totally right that a lot of women are at least intrigued and didn't realise.
I'm going to try to embrace it (not got much choice).

Thanks for the support, I feel so much happier and like a weight has been lifted off in a way.

[BA]

Oct 26, 2009 10:40:31 GMT -5 Neffie said:

Thanks Anais,
I think you're totally right that a lot of women are at least intrigued and didn't realise.
I'm going to try to embrace it (not got much choice).

Thanks for the support, I feel so much happier and like a weight has been lifted off in a way.

I also have begun to realize how many women have fantasies like this also. To think, I once thought it was 'just me'. Ha! You are certainly not alone. It it a beautiful thing to be able to conceive of a sexual/sensual relationship that goes beyond the boundaries of the conventional. Please do embrace who you are!

[Neffie]

OMG you just said it!

I was trying to find the word and it's "sensual". I know it's not about raw sex and just hate the word fetish but that's it, it's the need to have sensation in your life and the mammoth irony in the fact that you can only get it from someone who lost so much of theirs.

I can honestly say there's nothing maternal in the way I feel...I don't want to protect men, on the contrary I think they'll make me feel safer and not because I perceive them as 'non-threatening'.

For me I'm coming to realise I've lacked so much in so many ways in that department that I could only realise my true potential with someone who had the same experiences and wasn't a slam-her-into-the-wall-shag-monster!

I love this site soooo much!