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Post by mike on Aug 5, 2009 23:51:26 GMT -5
Before starting, let me be the first to plead guilty to making inaccurate projections.
It seems that we all make projections about others based upon our experiences and insights, but unfortunately we are also influenced by our own wishes, which seem to cloud the issue.
Two human beings, having had identical experiences, often come away with quite different notions about the events, which makes it silly to assume they have similar feelings about the event. Likewise two people, whether dis, dev or whatever will be unlikely to have common characteristics, making generalizations irrelevant.
When I found out about dev’s, my perceptions were clouded by my own wishful thinking, therefore things I believed to be true, may or may not in fact be true. Likewise it seems reasonable to assume some projections made by dev’s are also distorted by their own experiences, wishes and hopes.
Things I thought to be true regarding dev’s may or may not be true, and I am reevaluating my notions. My experiences have not been negative, but perhaps it would be wise for me to reexamine my expectations.
Have any of you, whether dis or dev come to this realization recently, or have you known that all along and I am the only naive one?
Mike
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Post by BA on Aug 6, 2009 20:07:37 GMT -5
You might have to be a bit more specific. From the way you were speaking, it sounds as if you had some very high expectations and they got shot down somehow. Yes? No?
I've known all along that all relationships have to go through a "new relationship ecstasy" phase, before they hit the "reality check" wall. Once the wall is reached, it's either up and over and on we go or else it's finished. This applies to wheelers, non-wheelers, devs, un-devs and anything else that might fit into human form.
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Post by devogirl on Aug 6, 2009 20:13:54 GMT -5
Yes, please be more specific! What happened? What exactly did you change your mind about?
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Post by mike on Aug 6, 2009 22:06:29 GMT -5
I don't want to get into specifics and start any kind of conflict, but my expectations were that the subject matter here was the primary focal point for all the participants.
Since connecting with this site, I have been offered several opportunities to chat privately, and virtually all have been really nice, and certainly rewarding, but one had left me with the distinct impression I had been verbally ambushed, and wondering what had happened.
Since there was never any deep connection, my feelings weren't hurt or anything like that, I just took it as a warning sign that it isn't a good idea to take things too seriously until getting to know someone, and I apologize if my frustration showed through.
Mike
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Phil
Junior Member
Posts: 82
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Post by Phil on Aug 7, 2009 11:53:36 GMT -5
If you feel that you were verbally ambushed, and are wondering why, wouldn't it be better to ask that person if they were offended and if so, what offended them? Keep one thing in mind, though. During an interview, a reporter once asked Mark Twain what his secret to success was. He replied "I have no secret to success, but I do have a recipe for disaster. Try pleasing everyone." I'm paraphrasing that quote because I'm too busy to look it up, lol, but you get the drift. I'm not sure I would take much of anything anyone said to me to heart on the internet, anyway. We're all just little bits of electronic blips and bleeps.  |
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Post by laurasweetou on Aug 9, 2009 1:26:02 GMT -5
I'd have to agree with AB
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Post by Ciao Bella on Aug 11, 2009 2:28:22 GMT -5
Mike, it sounds like the inevitable disappointment of expectations. You have your researched knowledge of devs and maybe due to this, you have a certain expectation of how a dev should act/behave/think/feel. In the same way that a dev, discovering herself for the first time, might have certain expectations of her dream wheeler. Because we are human, we often generalize people/things because they may have a common denominator. And I'm sure, quite a lot of us have had our expectations shattered once we realize that, just because they are that way, they don't necessarily have to act/think/feel the way we expect them to. Take for example devs ... just because we all share this special bond doesn't mean we are all sex-crazed maniacs who want to jump every wheeler we encounter ...
In other words, your projections towards devs are the expectations you're setting for yourself and them. If they don't fit the expectation, then it's a major disappointment for you.
That's how I understood your post anyway...feel free to correct me...
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Post by mike on Aug 11, 2009 4:10:12 GMT -5
Isabelle,
You sound very kind, and some of what you say is correct, however where you (and others) go wrong, is that I never had any expectation of anything other than friendly chat. At no time have I made any suggestion that anyone is a "sex-crazed maniac" or anything of the sort. In fact, the only reference I have ever made to that word or anything like it, was a direct quote from the person I was communicating with, and was not in the context of anyone's intent.
Also, I have not had my hopes dashed, I was just a bit disappointed in the outcome of a discussion and furthermore it is not my intent to engage in a public dispute with anybody. I realize my comments have been vague, as what was important was not the details, nor the person.
Regards,
Mike
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Post by BA on Aug 11, 2009 16:53:17 GMT -5
Isabelle, Also, I have not had my hopes dashed, I was just a bit disappointed in the outcome of a discussion and furthermore it is not my intent to engage in a public dispute with anybody. I realize my comments have been vague, as what was important was not the details, nor the person. Regards, Mike I am sure you know this Mike, but we devs come in assorted shapes, sizes, ages, and various levels of function/dysfunction (just like the rest of the population). I am sure there are a few of us out there that could give dev-dom a bad name. Sorry you had an encounter that was hostile or nasty. This is still the internet/nut and things are not always as they appear. |
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Post by doe on Aug 11, 2009 23:54:44 GMT -5
Isabelle, You sound very kind, and some of what you say is correct, however where you (and others) go wrong, is that I never had any expectation of anything other than friendly chat. At no time have I made any suggestion that anyone is a "sex-crazed maniac" or anything of the sort. In fact, the only reference I have ever made to that word or anything like it, was a direct quote from the person I was communicating with, and was not in the context of anyone's intent. Also, I have not had my hopes dashed, I was just a bit disappointed in the outcome of a discussion and furthermore it is not my intent to engage in a public dispute with anybody. I realize my comments have been vague, as what was important was not the details, nor the person. Regards, Mike Mike, I think you need to heed Isabelle's comments - she is a wise lady. You also need to remember that just like with wheelers, namely that they are people first and wheelchair users second, devs are people first and have a particular attraction second. Speaking from first hand knowledge of your encounter, you may have had more success had you followed that premise... AB, the encounter was neither nasty nor hostile. Although, in my view, the way the whole thing has been handled subsequently by oblique reference through this thread is. I'm happy to give you (or anyone) my side of the story if you want to PM me. |
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Post by mike on Aug 12, 2009 0:34:11 GMT -5
Sorry to correct you doe, but the reference had nothing to do with you. At no time was I disappointed or upset with any discussion you and I may have had.
As far as your comment: , thanks for the good advice, but that is what my original post was alluding to.
Regards,
mike
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Post by doe on Aug 12, 2009 0:54:34 GMT -5
Sorry to correct you doe, but the reference had nothing to do with you. At no time was I disappointed or upset with any discussion you and I may have had. As far as your comment: , thanks for the good advice, but that is what my original post was alluding to. Regards, mike Mike, I'll have to take you at face value when you say it's not a reference to me. Regardless, the way the whole thing is being handled subsequently by oblique reference through this thread is nasty. |
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Post by mike on Aug 12, 2009 1:25:31 GMT -5
Nasty? To whom? I have made it clear it was MY misinterpretation, that people are different, and it is unwise to assume anything despite the appearances of a common interest.
I have specifically avoided any reference to the person or specifics, IN ORDER NOT to make it personal or nasty.
What have I said that cast aspersion on anyones character?
Have I said anything that made you think this was about you? If so, I apologize, and if I had a problem with our interactions you can be assured I would have taken it up with you privately or not at all. As I recall ALL of our discussions were friendly and cordial, please correct me if you see things differently.
Regards,
mike
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Post by doe on Aug 12, 2009 1:48:49 GMT -5
Mike, it's clear we both agree on one thing. It is unwise to assume anything. The last word has been yours.
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