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Post by Neffie on Oct 29, 2009 12:46:29 GMT -5
Hi girls,
I know I'm posting a lot but I STILL have questions.
Anyone who's read my posts knows how I feel and also that I haven't been with a wheeler.
I wanna know, is it as good as I know it could be? I mean, I know you need the right guy and everything but just curious.
I mean, I have been dumped by nearly every guy I've ever known and still don't care. The one thing they say is that I'm cold and I'm really not!
I don't know if anyone's had a similar experience but I would love to know because the last guy i was seeing spent 18 months in Baghdad and said he met snipers with more emotional depth than me!
(My mother thought that was hysterical when I told her BTW!)
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Post by BA on Oct 29, 2009 16:17:16 GMT -5
Hi girls, I know I'm posting a lot but I STILL have questions. Anyone who's read my posts knows how I feel and also that I haven't been with a wheeler. I wanna know, is it as good as I know it could be? Oh my Neffie (can I call you Neffie?). This is a tough question to answer. Could it be different with the 'right' wheeler guy? Maybe it really could, but it depends on you, Nef. If you have certain unresolved things you are dealing with about intimacy/sexuality then these same things may be brought over into ANY relationship that you might have. Then again, the right man might have the ability to completely melt your self-described 'ice-self'. It sounds like you are finally confronting something you've been afraid of for a long time and all I can say is that we gals are here to help you in any possible way. It can be terrifying to finally 'drop the guard' and allow yourself to feel deeply, but it is also the most exhilarating thing in the world. We will hold your hand all around the world while you try and fly those wings of yours. Don't worry about posting too much. I think at some point we all felt like we fell into wonderland coming upon this site. |
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Post by Neffie on Oct 29, 2009 19:08:25 GMT -5
ABI love that you can put it into some kind of perspective. And of course you can call me Neffie
I think it's hormones
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Post by Dee Dee on Oct 29, 2009 19:51:44 GMT -5
Hi and welcome Nefertari. I´m not sure that I can answer your question ... I mean, how do YOU define good? (In: "is it as good as it could be?"). Also, as people are obviously very different, what one woman may like, another woman may dislike, and I seriously don´t think there are any "standard answers". A thing, I´ve noticed in your posts, is that you somehow seem to draw a bit of a line between able-bodied men and wheeler men - as far as I can understand, it´s based on your previous experiences with men (correct me, if I´m wrong  , but just as a piece of advice, be careful not to think that wheelers belong to some special "group", as simplistic as this sounds, I think I can safely say, the male wheelers are just as diverse as any other men. If I were you - I think I would just go for it so to speak - try to hook up with a wheeler, whom you like, and see where that leads you - and perhaps some of your questions will be answered, not just theoretically but also in real life  (and of course this forum and this section are intended for discussions just as this one, so keep posting . |
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Post by Neffie on Oct 29, 2009 20:54:54 GMT -5
I see what you're saying about not thinking they're the same (devodiva888) I can totally see it.
Like I said, I'm not here to date, I just want to know who I am and right now I'm still none the wiser. You girls help so much.
Look, brutal honesty? I had a crappy intro to sex that made me hate everything about myself and all men. Nothing improved from then.
I know how men work and I'm not looking for someone to fix me but I'm sorry I still need somone to freakin' save me.
That makes me such a wuss but I'm so lonely here it's ridiculous. I mean, I'm going crazy here and it's barely even about fantasies any more it' s just life!
Sorry
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Oct 29, 2009 22:44:13 GMT -5
Hugs... I'm sorry for your experience. And you're not a wuss. I wish I could help you with the other.  |
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Oct 30, 2009 7:32:22 GMT -5
I'm prolly worse than you are in the dating department. I date men three times and if nothing's cranking my tractor at that point. I stop. I live in a small town where the pickings are slim. Pretty much if you don't score a spouse in high school or college then it's a real challenge. You've at least bothered some. And yeah, people here think I'm lesbian. Lots of them were surprised when my best friend got married.  lol You're certainly not showing a marked lack of emotional depth here. |
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Post by Dee Dee on Oct 30, 2009 10:38:37 GMT -5
I see what you're saying about not thinking they're the same (devodiva888) I can totally see it. Like I said, I'm not here to date, I just want to know who I am and right now I'm still none the wiser. You girls help so much. Look, brutal honesty? I had a crappy intro to sex that made me hate everything about myself and all men. Nothing improved from then. I know how men work and I'm not looking for someone to fix me but I'm sorry I still need somone to freakin' save me. That makes me such a wuss but I'm so lonely here it's ridiculous. I mean, I'm going crazy here and it's barely even about fantasies any more it' s just life! Sorry I´m sorry to hear about that, Nefertari, but there´s always room for improvement. Someone here has a signature that says: "When you hit rock bottom, the sky´s the limit". As difficult as it is, don´t let the rest of your life depend on previous bad experiences  . |
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Post by Ciao Bella on Oct 31, 2009 18:34:47 GMT -5
Hi Neffie,
I must admit I haven't read all your posts yet as my visits to PD are few and far between. So I will put in my 2 cents in respect to my own personal experiences.
You want to know if it is really as good as can be being with a wheeler? Assuming you do end up with a great wheeler, you then have to ask yourself if you're willing to accept everything that comes with spinal cord injuries (IE: accidents in bed). This is the reality. My partner is a wheelie, and I chose to accept because I love him and that's part and parcel of his injury. Not all people are the same in their understanding and patience threshold, and there are a few more realities that need to be considered in being in a realtionship with a wheeler.
Before I ended up with my partrner, all I had were my fantasies and just how good and fantastic it would be. I wasn't wrong...we are ecstatically happy to be together, but nothing (not even my readings about SCI) prepared me for the reality of living with one affected by it. So yes, in my case...it is better than what I expected, with a few surprises along the way.
HTH
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Post by devogirl on Nov 2, 2009 4:09:02 GMT -5
I wanna know, is it as good as I know it could be? This is the big question, right? Having been with, ahem, an unspecified number of guys with various disabilities, my short answer is yes and no. I have had some incredible experiences and some really fantastically sucky experiences. It does indeed depend on the guy, and I have sometimes let myself be blinded by desire and ended up with assholes, so let that be a warning to you. However, even with the great experiences, in real life it was nothing like in my fantasies. Of course partly for the obvious reasons that others have said here, reality is messier and more complicated than fantasy. But even more than that, I find myself reacting differently than when I watch TV or a movie or whatever, for reasons I can't quite explain. Also even with guys I was quite attracted to, after a certain time of being together, I no longer got that shocking tingly devo feel, even though I was still attracted to him, something about the novelty had worn off I guess. I'd like to think it changed to a deeper, more emotional and less physical attraction, but the relationships tended to end for various reasons, so we'll never know. Which is all to say, like any initial physical lust, the devo lust seems to fade over time, and there had better be something more significant there for the relationship to continue. Also as others have said here, being with an SCI guy is hard. Not just the physical limitations, but watching him struggle with chronic pain or health problems, catheter and bowel program and all that, it can take a toll on the relationship if you're not careful. And depending on the guy, his level of injury and amount of experience, sex can also be a challenge. I've met SCI guys who were totally confident in the bedroom and knew how to satisfy themselves even with reduced or no sensation, but unfortunately I have also met guys who were totally sexually frustrated. If you're not feeling confident about sex too, it could become a problem. On the other hand, I'm glad I had all the experiences I have. Before, it would drive me crazy, but having had those experiences, even when I get that devo obsession, it's not as bad as it used to be, and I feel much more relaxed about being a devo. I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so frustrated. Maybe you need a vacation away from Egypt, with a sexy wheeler dude. |
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Post by dolly on Nov 18, 2009 10:16:29 GMT -5
yup. i can relate to being perceived as being a bit cold when it comes to men too. i'm truly a very "warm" person in general. but in terms of a relationship it definitely takes the right kind of man and a bit of work to expose my warm heart. i'll admit i'm a challenge but hopefully worth it to the right person in the end. thanks for sharing your experiences in this regard. it helps to know others are in a similar boat. |
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Post by dolly on Nov 18, 2009 10:24:21 GMT -5
And yeah, people here think I'm lesbian. Lots of them were surprised when my best friend got married. lol ;D |
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Post by devogirl on Nov 18, 2009 21:06:29 GMT -5
I have also had friends wonder if I was a lesbian. I guess that's the default answer when they can tell there's something different about you. Another good reason to "come out" as a dev!
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Post by laurasweetou on Nov 19, 2009 20:02:36 GMT -5
Hi girls, I know I'm posting a lot but I STILL have questions. Anyone who's read my posts knows how I feel and also that I haven't been with a wheeler. I wanna know, is it as good as I know it could be? I mean, I know you need the right guy and everything but just curious. I mean, I have been dumped by nearly every guy I've ever known and still don't care. The one thing they say is that I'm cold and I'm really not! I don't know if anyone's had a similar experience but I would love to know because the last guy i was seeing spent 18 months in Baghdad and said he met snipers with more emotional depth than me! (My mother thought that was hysterical when I told her BTW!) I sure as hell did and just a word of advice, I got a lot of sh** for it, but you shouldn't |
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Nov 21, 2009 20:26:11 GMT -5
I hope that it's as awesome as you think it will be.  Best of luck. |
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, but just as a piece of advice, be careful not to think that wheelers belong to some special "group", as simplistic as this sounds, I think I can safely say, the male wheelers are just as diverse as any other men.
(and of course this forum and this section are intended for discussions just as this one, so keep posting 
lol
.
