Bondage

[Neffie]

;D
hey girls
Anyone tried it?
In all honesty I didn't think about it until it was suggested and I saw the sense in it.

When I thought about it paralysis is a form of permanent bondage so no matter what my views were on the subject I was into it already.

Have any of you tried it with a wheeler?

[Neffie]

AND??

[Neffie]

Ok so you need a "safe" word and you need to make sure that you know what you're doing

[devogirl]

Yes, I have done it quite a bit with both AB and wheelers. Years ago I posted some photos here, but some people got offended and they were taken down, sadly. Anyway, I think you're right on Nef, there is a connection just as you said. BDSM can be lots of fun and really empowering, but it does require effort and knowledge. You DO have to know what you're doing, be careful and ALWAYS have a safe word. There are a lot of how-to books and websites. I highly recommend reading up before trying it out.

[Dee Dee]

Dec 29, 2009 17:02:35 GMT -5 Neffie said:

;D
Have any of you tried it with a wheeler?

Not yet ... Hey! THAT`s going to be the New Year´s resolution, I´ve been looking for ;D

---//---

Devogirl´s post made me speculate: should photos be taken down, because they seem to be offensive to someone? What if 10 people don´t like them or find them offensive, but, say, there are 100 people who would enjoy them or find them interesting?

In regard to that, did we ever "decide" anything about the nature of photos being posted here? Or does it somehow go without saying?

As I said back then, when we had the discussion about board rules, I think we as members should be able to post photos like the ones, which Devogirl mentioned, as long as there´s an appropriate disclaimer (read: I´d like to see the aforementioned pictures, something tells me that there are other members, who´d like the same, and people who don´t: DO NOT click the link following the disclaimer ...).

[Neffie]

In all honesty there should be something out there that is better than what exists. I think the guidelines should be that as long as there is a disclaimer then go for it!

I think the information on this is generally lacking on the net as it's all geared toward other interests.

I think in this domain we are seeking alternative ways to provide pleasure and it's all good. I have read some interesting articles on acupressure and tantric sex but nothing on bondage (esp with the woman in the submissive position).
I don't know but if I were gonna think of a resolution it would be to think of a decent and comprehensive sex guide for wheelers no matter what their level of injury.

HMmmmmm that's given me food for thought!

[Dee Dee]

Jan 2, 2010 17:49:22 GMT -5 Neffie said:

I don't know but if I were gonna think of a resolution it would be to think of a decent and comprehensive sex guide for wheelers no matter what their level of injury.

Erm ... I don´t think male wheelers need a decent and comprehensive sex guide more than any other men in this world . But do write one for men in general ;D.

[faith]

Bondage has always been a secret desire of mine. At least once. I suppose if we are talking about resolutions- why not in 2010... mmmm.

[Neffie]

I can see the point that you're making but there are tonnes of sex guides out there if men care to read them but if you're with someone who has partial sensation then they don't really help that much especially when it comes to pulling off positions like the wheelbarrow (although having said that...the physics could work! huh...)

All I'm saying is that I don't think it's a guide for the men rather for the women on how to please them...that's all I'm saying.

It's so cool if you find someone who's willing to explore things...I don't think I've had that since Uni! Christ my life is sad at times...2010 IS my year for changing all that and I'm arming myself with the ammunition hee hee

[Dee Dee]

Jan 4, 2010 16:47:09 GMT -5 Neffie said:

I can see the point that you're making but there are tonnes of sex guides out there if men care to read them but if you're with someone who has partial sensation then they don't really help that much especially when it comes to pulling off positions like the wheelbarrow (although having said that...the physics could work! huh...)

All I'm saying is that I don't think it's a guide for the men rather for the women on how to please them...that's all I'm saying.

It's so cool if you find someone who's willing to explore things...I don't think I've had that since Uni! Christ my life is sad at times...2010 IS my year for changing all that and I'm arming myself with the ammunition hee hee

Wheelbarrow?! LOL (pun intended ;D).

Nefertari; my point is that good sex isn´t dependent on physiology but rather on psychology and chemistry - hence there can be fully able-bodied men, who are horrible at it, and on the other hand disabled men, who do it very well. There´s evidence right here on this board. I´m sure that Tony doesn´t mind me referring to some of his stories - and there are other fine examples here as well.

My "do write one for men in general" was a joke - I know they exist already, and in any case some things (well, a lot of things) need to be learned and experienced and cannot be "taught" by reading a book/a guide.

Something tells me, that a male wheeler (whatever his condition) would like exactly the same from a woman (dev) as any other man: tender love and care, caresses, kisses, raw sex and naughtiness etc., etc. As I´ve said (to you) before, my opinion is, that wheeler guys are just like any other guys ... although the logistics can be different.

Oh ... and if you´re in doubt as to what he likes or where he derives pleasure from, then my best piece of advice is to simply ASK him .

I wish you the very best of luck with your new relationship and look forward to hearing/reading more.

[Neffie]

Oh Crikey, Tony can turn my hair white...LOL


I agree with everything you say though don't you think it would be fun to write a guide though? Think of the research we could accomplish between us!

[Dee Dee]

Jan 6, 2010 11:52:42 GMT -5 Neffie said:

Oh Crikey, Tony can turn my hair white...LOL


I agree with everything you say though don't you think it would be fun to write a guide though? Think of the research we could accomplish between us!

Well, I´m all for research, so if you write the first chapter, I´ll do the second ;D.

[Neffie]

Chapter One:

Managing to untie handcuffs using a paper clip and your tongue once your date leaves you high and dry!

[devogirl]

Like I said, there are lots of good guides to SM. I highly recommend reading up before trying it. I think "The Topping Book" and "The Bottoming Book" by Dossie Easton are pretty good; they may be out of print but Amazon makes it easy (and discreet) to get used copies. SM 101 by Jay Wiseman is a standard, and still in print.

As some of you said, part of SM is not different from "regular" sex, ie, being aware of the other person, considerate, etc. But some of it is really different, it's good to know what's safe and what is potentially risky, how to minimize risk, and especially what to expect and how to handle emotional reactions. It's not uncommon to freak out a little, especially if you or your partner have had bad sexual experiences in the past.

IMHO, SM is not about elaborate positions, but about a mental state, which can be tricky to achieve. People have a fantasy of sex being totally spontaneous but with SM that's just not possible, especially when you're just starting out. It's really important to TALK TALK TALK before anything starts. Decide exactly what you and your partner expect, and what kinds of things are off the table.

Finally, if you want to do any kind of restraint/bondage, it's a good idea to get some training ahead of time. I was lucky enough to live in a town where I could take a class on rope-tying, but at least look at some books and websites. Handcuffs might seem sexy, but they're not great. It's very easy to lose the key, and the metal edges can do serious damage to your wrists before you even realize it, especially if you are distracted. The easiest and cheapest restraint is pantyhose--you can tie it tight easily, and it won't cut off circulation.

But anyway SM is 90% mental and only 10% props and costumes. Everything is adaptable and accessible if you use your imagination.

[Ciao Bella]

A football scarf also works