what the frick is wrong with me?

[annabelle]

So a couple of days ago, I dropped my new cell phone in the toilet. I know, brilliant. Anyway, I went to the local AT&T store during my lunch break to go replace it and the guy who helped me was in a wheelchair... I think he was a para.

He was objectively cute but if he hadn't been in the wheelchair, I wouldn't have developed a sudden interest in getting a different kind of phone. He was really nice and charming and... well, you know. Unfortunately, wedding band on finger. I still had a lot of fun during my lunch break.

But then I got back to work and I could barely focus because I kept thinking about him. This is not like me at all. I mean, wtf is wrong with me that I can't stop thinking about a moderately cute wheeler who's MARRIED for christ's sake? I felt ridiculous.

I really wish I could turn this off, to be honest. What is the point of feeling this way if meeting a cute available wheeler who's local is damn near impossible? I feel like I'm banging my head against a wall.

[dolly]

miss annabelle.... no words of advice here, but I UNDERSTAND.

it's actually nice to hear about other dev's frustrations and the inevitable 'fallout' after encounters because sometimes i think we feel alone in feeling the way we do. i know i do.

it seems like something we should be able to talk ourselves out of. we are, i expect, fairly balanced, intelligent, socially adept women, after all! but it defies logic. and it is impossible to shake.

i try to look at these small encounters (which have no potential to go anywhere) as future fantasy fodder and just make the most of them. i still get that tight-gut/empty/sad/confused/hopeless feeling...lol but hey, at least it feels like there is some potential for future enjoyment that way.

i saw THE most gorgeous para today myself. i deked into the bank machine alcove for all of a minute to get some $$, planning to shoot him a big smile and a hello on my way back and he was gone! it's like he had super powers and just disolved into a puff of smoke. can't see how it was even possible. anyway, had that similar feeling to what you expressed above most of the afternoon.

hugs.

[annabelle]

You know what's really sad? I bet even if I hadn't seen that wedding band, I wouldn't have done anything.

[dolly]

you wouldn't have gone back to the store with a question or two about your phone at least?


it didn't sound like you were all that attracted to him anyway. just 'cause he's in a chair doesn't mean we have to jump at every opportunity.

[Inigo Montoya]

I love that... fantasy fodder.

I hate the logic defiance... and the fear/choking when faced with a real live guy tho.

Sorry, annabelle.

[annabelle]

I was very, very attracted to him. Being a wheelchair isn't enough on its own, but like I said, he was cute, mid-30s, and really charming. He was FUNNY, which is like my favorite quality in the opposite sex besides... well, the obvious. I was painfully attracted to him.

But I'm really shy about hitting on men. I always get very self-conscious.

Unfortunately, in this case, it was a moot point because I don't hit on men with wedding bands.

[Be As You Are]

Oh Annabelle and Dolly, you are so not alone. I was just discussing a similar issue off the board.

A couple weekends ago, I went out to dinner at one of those Japanese hibachi restaurants where they combine parties to seat 8 people at a table. After we sat down, up rolls this HOT quad and his 2 male friends. They were super fun, outgoing guys (especially "hot wheelie man") and my friend had a great time chatting with them all night. I, on the other hand, didn't want to be caught staring, so I barely made eye contact with him and probably said two words. Talk about an introverted, I completely clammed up. And the thing is I am NEVER that shy, I am usually the first to chat with anyone. My girlfriend even commented about me being so quiet, and wondered what my problem was... And this chance encounter has been fantasy fodder for the last 2 weeks..

Anyway, my point is.. I totally hear what you are saying about wishing you could turn this off. I feel like am am sitting on a wall, watching my real life (with Mr AB)on one side, and imagining a "complete" life on the other side, where I could really explore my dev feelings.
Every time I climb down to my real life side, something always manages to grab me and make me climb back up and peer over to the other side and wonder.............

This site has been great for helping me to realize that I am not alone in this, and it is not something to be ashamed of. However, in other ways it has almost made it worse for me in that I am so much more in tune with those feelings that they are invading my day-to day life more and more.
I often ask myself the same thing... What the frick is wrong with me?

[Emma]

Sept 22, 2010 19:12:20 GMT -5 annabelle said:

I really wish I could turn this off, to be honest. What is the point of feeling this way if meeting a cute available wheeler who's local is damn near impossible? I feel like I'm banging my head against a wall.

Well once your with your wheeler you will be so very happy you have the attraction.

I was also super stupid when faced with a disabled guy I found attractive in person when it was by surprise. I once saw a quad amp (one of my favs) who was my age in the local drug store. He asked me to grab something off a high shelf for him and I was just frozen, maybe I smiled I don't remember :/ I spent the next week looking him up online and trying to get his e-mail address. That was before Facebook. Now I would have e-mailed him on FB, showered him with compliments and explained devs to him. Anabelle, I also know all about being unable to focus after seeing an interesting guy

[Devoblue]

I can totally identify with the comments on this. When there is an encounter with a guy I tend to be so conscious of trying to not stare or act awkward that I probably look even more awkward! In my head I'm yelling at myself to just relax and not be so silly. I do get over the initial weirdness quite quickly but am always wondering if he thinks i'm nuts.

When I'm on this site talking it through with you girls I know that I've worked through loads of my guilt issues and that I'm not the only one going through these things but when I'm away from the safety of our little community I seem to slip back to square one. I'm far more confident and myself with talking online with guys as opposed to meeting in person. Not surprising I suppose.

All that to say, you're definitely not alone!

[Ath]

what she said..

[devogirl]

Yes, I have been there many times too. You are not alone! I've been there with the frustration too, and wishing I didn't feel this way. I've found that two things helped a lot:

1. make friends (IRL not just online!) with disabled people. Just chatting with those guys you run across like at the restaurant or the store, without any further agenda, really makes a difference. If you can have a friendly interaction you leave with a nice feeling rather than frustration. I'm not talking about flirting or trying to get his phone number, but some pleasant conversation is way better than hiding and feeling ashamed. Having disabled friends also helped me a lot to get over the initial reluctance to talk.

2. fantasy fodder, yes, for sure, but also turning it into something creative. I like to write, so I started using those guys I just passed briefly on the street as the starting point for a story. Writing has given me a way to channel all that pent-up energy in a productive way. I know it sounds kind of touchy-feely, but having a creative outlet really does help me work through the frustration and feel less obsessive.

[annabelle]

Writing down my fantasies helps. If I didn't do that, I'd probably be mounting wheelers in the street.

(If there were any wheelers in the street, which there aren't.)

[BA]

Oh girls, I totally understand you all. The wtf do I bother feeling, the empty, the fodder. Yes, I know it well. While I have 'consumated' my devness in real life, it was a long time ago and well...some things never go away.

[Inigo Montoya]

Just thought I'd share... did this tonight. At a restaurant with a friend who knows. Cute guy glides by on his way to the restroom. Discussion ensues. She's totally willing to be my wingman... ready to tackle him for me.

I can't.

He wheels back out and then out the door. She's willing to follow him to the parking lot.

I remain a gutless wonder.

I am mildly consoled by the small tree I discovered in my teeth when I got home. I mean, how embarrassing would that have been?

ETA: Hanging with someone who knows and understands = Awesomeness.

[annabelle]

Inigo, that's why I never do anything without consulting with my compact