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Post by Inigo Montoya on Sept 28, 2010 8:58:54 GMT -5
^^^^^^^^^^^^^ words of wisdom from the relationshipless... lol... take it for what it's worth. ;D
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Post by Deleted on Sept 28, 2010 8:59:23 GMT -5
I don't think we're ever going to completely get past the "it's like enjoying big boobs" thing, though. I'm trying to accept that. Yeah... But: Why? Oh why?? I'm trying to accept it, too, but I honestly don't get why everyone finds it so hard to see why it's not the same! Why is it that only about four people on this board can see that? Well, I guess four is better than none I don't know if it's always a matter of not knowing the difference. I KNOW it's not the same but if a dev asked me if it bothered me, I would equate my level of acceptance toward her devness to that of a preference for boob size. Does that make any sense? I'm trying to say it's not a huge thing for me to accept.
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Post by Cake on Sept 28, 2010 9:13:02 GMT -5
Yeah... But: Why? Oh why?? I'm trying to accept it, too, but I honestly don't get why everyone finds it so hard to see why it's not the same! Why is it that only about four people on this board can see that? Well, I guess four is better than none I don't know if it's always a matter of not knowing the difference. I KNOW it's not the same but if a dev asked me if it bothered me, I would equate my level of acceptance toward her devness to that of a preference for boob size. Does that make any sense? I'm trying to say it's not a huge thing for me to accept. That does make sense, thanks MNG. I guess when you guys say it that's probably often the case, especially those of you who have been here a while. I must admit, when a newbie is like "hey, devs are great, it's like preferring blondes!" I'm very skeptic and feel the need to burst that bubble. But what really confuses me is when devs use that comparison... as has been said it another thread, it's probably not easy to accept that being a dev is more than that... BTW, gmboy, there are a couple of old, elaborate threads which posed exactly your question... I'll see if I can find them.
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Post by Cake on Sept 28, 2010 9:23:10 GMT -5
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Post by gmboy18 on Sept 28, 2010 9:30:15 GMT -5
thank you Cake, i just glimpse at it and its kinda what i was looking for
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Post by Deleted on Sept 28, 2010 10:29:25 GMT -5
Sorry if I sound rude, but it's a dev board and not a wheeler-feel-good-board. I have to say something. The guy was asking a legitimate question, not fishing for a pat on the back. How the hell are we supposed to ask questions? Or, are you suggesting wheelers shouldn't? I've felt guilty for being here and unwelcome a couple times in the past because of the same territorial attitude. It's a shame that you don't embrace open dialogue with wheelers, we have insight to offer as well. There is always more than one side to every issue. Wouldn't it be behoove you to get the other side's perspective?
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Post by Deleted on Sept 28, 2010 10:32:16 GMT -5
Actually, in the other thread, besides one guy who has seem to have retracted/altered his opinion, the response to certain dev likes has been pretty decent. No real bashing or shock, per se. I don't think we're ever going to completely get past the "it's like enjoying big boobs" thing, though. I'm trying to accept that. Do you like big boobs? 0.0 Oh, just for the record, I prefer smaller boobs. ;D
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Post by E on Sept 28, 2010 12:39:04 GMT -5
Do you like big boobs? 0.0 Oh, just for the record, I prefer smaller boobs. ;D I like all boobs...
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Post by Devoblue on Sept 28, 2010 12:47:28 GMT -5
I forgot to add that I like to watch a quad's hands work... which doesn't make any sense... I can say this is part of the things I like as well. MNG, speaking only for myself I hope the wheelers don't stop asking questions. In my opinion we can't possibly expect the wheelers to gain a greater understanding of our issues and of "devness" in general without being willing to field their questions when they are appropriate. Although, on the flip side of that, spending time here is not about getting the guys to understand but about having an outlet and a bit of self discovery. I don't know... I keep coming back to wanting to be understood by the wheelers, not wanting them to have misconceptions or judgements without understanding. That's just me, I'm sure some of the other girls may feel differently....
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Sept 28, 2010 12:52:06 GMT -5
I can also say that it's been through conversations with guys I met on this board that have gone a long way to making me feel okay with it and like it's something that a man could live with in a relationship. (I can also say that some conversations with men from this board have had the opposite effect. But I try to focus on the positive.)
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Post by devogirl on Sept 28, 2010 13:32:09 GMT -5
It's a simple question but there is no simple answer. First, we all have different preferences, different features we pick up on and fantasize about, and even the same person may cycle through different features to fixate on. I think what it boils down to is all the ways a disability is made visible: atrophied limbs, adaptive equipment, etc.
But as you can see, we have a hard time answering this question, in part because as Clover said we have been criticized in the past for expressing preferences, either for fixating "too much" on a feature a guy dislikes about himself, or for idolizing the sporty, muscular paras and slighting the less conventionally attractive guys. This ties back to our inherent guilt about being attracted to something that causes pain and suffering.
But I think the bigger problem is that women are strongly conditioned not to express physical preferences of any kind. You're horribly shallow if you only think about how a guy looks, and ignore the personality. It's at least tolerated when guys rate women on the size of their tits or will only date skinny blondes--they might get called assholes but no one's surprised when guys talk like this. But women are supposed to see past the beer gut and the bald spot to the "wonderful" person on the inside. And everyone wants to be loved for their personalities as much as their bodies, so admitting how much we obsess over a particular feature has also been cause for criticism. So forgive us if we have a hard time talking about it.
Anyway it's nice that you want to understand but I think your question is rather pointless. We all like different things. And what we choose to fantasize over might not be related to the person we end up with. In the past guys have asked me "Am I disabled enough for a dev?" "Do I have the right kind of disability?" Believe me, if a dev is hitting on you, the answer is yes and yes. If she's not interested, you'll know.
What you really want to know is "will a devo woman on this board find me attractive?" We as a group can't answer that. You just have to start PMing and find out. If you're really eager for the approval of the whole board, then post a photo.
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Post by coffeeftw on Sept 28, 2010 14:39:24 GMT -5
It's a simple question but there is no simple answer. First, we all have different preferences, different features we pick up on and fantasize about, and even the same person may cycle through different features to fixate on. I think what it boils down to is all the ways a disability is made visible: atrophied limbs, adaptive equipment, etc. But as you can see, we have a hard time answering this question, in part because as Clover said we have been criticized in the past for expressing preferences, either for fixating "too much" on a feature a guy dislikes about himself, or for idolizing the sporty, muscular paras and slighting the less conventionally attractive guys. This ties back to our inherent guilt about being attracted to something that causes pain and suffering. But I think the bigger problem is that women are strongly conditioned not to express physical preferences of any kind. You're horribly shallow if you only think about how a guy looks, and ignore the personality. It's at least tolerated when guys rate women on the size of their tits or will only date skinny blondes--they might get called assholes but no one's surprised when guys talk like this. But women are supposed to see past the beer gut and the bald spot to the "wonderful" person on the inside. And everyone wants to be loved for their personalities as much as their bodies, so admitting how much we obsess over a particular feature has also been cause for criticism. So forgive us if we have a hard time talking about it. Anyway it's nice that you want to understand but I think your question is rather pointless. We all like different things. And what we choose to fantasize over might not be related to the person we end up with. In the past guys have asked me "Am I disabled enough for a dev?" "Do I have the right kind of disability?" Believe me, if a dev is hitting on you, the answer is yes and yes. If she's not interested, you'll know. What you really want to know is "will a devo woman on this board find me attractive?" We as a group can't answer that. You just have to start PMing and find out. If you're really eager for the approval of the whole board, then post a photo. So when's the national meet n' greet?
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Post by coffeeftw on Sept 28, 2010 17:34:49 GMT -5
I'm not even kidding. There needs to be a convention so that Devas and Crips can meet without reservation. Life makes it too fucking difficult to try and make these meet and greets a casual/spontaneous thing. We need to pick a place, Chicago, Cinninnati wherever, as long as the hotel has a bar, to meet up. Who's with me?
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Post by Ath on Sept 28, 2010 17:40:18 GMT -5
atleast pick somewhere on the eastcoast! would make it alot easier + cheaper for us europeans to come
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Post by coffeeftw on Sept 28, 2010 18:13:22 GMT -5
I totally will!
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