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Post by ruthmadison on Jan 28, 2011 15:33:27 GMT -5
You're right, Aphrodite, what would be the point of life if we figured it all out? It's always going to be a journey. Thanks for the luck and the advice, everyone!  |
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Post by faith on Jan 29, 2011 0:59:22 GMT -5
Ruth. Being in a relationship with a disabled man is not going to be the be-all and end-all. You may not feel whole, but no one ever feels whole at any point in their life. I spent four years with a disabled man, moved countries and I have a gorgeous baby of my own, and I can definitely say that I've never felt "whole". If we felt whole, then we wouldn't be human. It's human nature to keep wanting and constantly evolving in life. It may not be the be-all and end-all.... but it feels right. I waited years to be a relationship like this and, although there are issues like any relationship, it is right. It is the way it should be. I have known it since a little girl. Settling for anything less is just that, settling. I know now I'd rather have the right one or none at all. |
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Post by ruthmadison on Jan 30, 2011 9:46:01 GMT -5
Faith, that is exactly how I've been feeling. There's no point in not having it, even though there will always be issues in any relationship, this one thing is a make or break issue for me and that's just how it is.
The date was very pleasant, I look forward to seeing him again soon.
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Post by Devoblue on Jan 30, 2011 13:27:02 GMT -5
I'm glad the date went well. You may not feel whole, but no one ever feels whole at any point in their life. I think what Aphrodite said really nailed what I've struggled with. I found it difficult to come to terms with the likelyhood of never finding all that I had envisioned for a perfect relationship (fulfilling my dev side and all the other relationship criteria I have). I always feel that separation, the feeling of being ripped in half that you mentioned as well. I think for me it's probably a case of over analysing things as I'm prone to doing and then just realising that nothing can ever live up to the image I've build up in my mind. I've picked wrong in the past, spectacularly wrong in fact and i've also passed over opportunities with guys that probably would have been amazing in the search for that perfect scenario. Perhaps that's how we know we've found the right guy, when it doesn't seem like a choice of one part of your life or the other.  |
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Post by ruthmadison on Jan 30, 2011 15:55:04 GMT -5
Yeah, I definitely do the over anaylizing thing. It used to feel simpler, like it didn't matter as much every little criteria. Now that I've made mistakes and had bad relationships I feel so much more afraid of choosing wrong.
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Post by Emma on Jan 30, 2011 16:00:01 GMT -5
On the flip side........
I had similar concerns for years because I am athletic and always played sports with my boyfriends. I struggled with figuring out how any double amputee I'd find could play sports with me. I was completely in heaven when the second time we spent time together we went skiing and we found out we had similar skiing ability and style. We also get to play wheelchair basketball together.....which is also something I never would have imagined as an option to do together and also be a good workout. So I was able to fulfill my dev side and my criteria for having a significant other I could play sports with. Just keep in mind everyone that you can't always imagine how it will work until its just there and working.
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Post by ruthmadison on Jan 30, 2011 16:21:10 GMT -5
On the flip side........ I had similar concerns for years because I am athletic and always played sports with my boyfriends. I struggled with figuring out how any double amputee I'd find could play sports with me. I was completely in heaven when the second time we spent time together we went skiing and we found out we had similar skiing ability and style. We also get to play wheelchair basketball together.....which is also something I never would have imagined as an option to do together and also be a good workout. So I was able to fulfill my dev side and my criteria for having a significant other I could play sports with. Just keep in mind everyone that you can't always imagine how it will work until its just there and working. Yes, keep the hope alive, you never know what is going to turn up in your future! |
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Post by ~Z28gal~ on Jan 31, 2011 11:53:39 GMT -5
Now that I've made mistakes and had bad relationships I feel so much more afraid of choosing wrong. I was the same way for a long time... I was so neurotic about NOT being with a guy like any of my past boyfriends that I ended up with someone who was completely wrong for me, just because he was different. I don't really have any ideas on how to get away from thinking that way, since I haven't found a fix, except to echo that when the right guy comes along, it shouldn't feel like a choice. |
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Post by dolly on Jan 31, 2011 21:17:00 GMT -5
Sometimes I wonder whether I'd be better off with an AB guy, but then I remember cuddling with my last AB boyfriend and having to move away because his muscly legs were bothering me.  i love that you shared this. that's what's so great about this board. sharing this kind of stuff that other people just wouldn't understand.  |
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Post by ~Z28gal~ on Feb 1, 2011 13:56:25 GMT -5
;D My feelings exactly.
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