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Post by queenjane on Apr 12, 2011 21:15:13 GMT -5
I'm curious to hear where people stand when it comes to attraction to disabilities other than those that are wheelchair-related. I know many devs are really particular about what they're attracted to, but personally, while I definitely find guys in chairs hot, I've always been turned on by all kinds of disabilities. Blindness, deafness, arm-related disabilities, congenital conditions like spina bifida, they all do it for me.
I think this is because I'm just as attracted to (if not more) the mental/emotional aspects or effects of disability, rather than a particular physical manifestation of it. Hard to put into clearer terms since I don't exactly understand it myself...
So my question is this - any disabilities that are in no way a turn on for you? How open are you to the thought of being with guys who are disabled but not in a chair? What is it about your one disability of choice that does it for you, or, why do you think you're attracted to all different kinds, whatever the case may be?
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Post by Emma on Apr 12, 2011 22:24:31 GMT -5
Queenjane. I think many of devs here are exclusively attracted to disabilities that involve wheelchair use but there certainly are some who have a wide range of interests like you.
I am and always have been a dev of guys who are amputees. My husband is a double above knee amputee (who uses a wheelchair) but I have been interested in lots of different types of amputees, not just guys missing their legs. I also do like guys with differently shaped limbs from birth but kind of see them as similar to amputees. I do have an interest in other types of disabilities I am not nearly as sexually attracted to them as amputees.
To answer your question, I am not at all attracted to guys who are blind or deaf. I think I also may have to cross quads and paras off the list of disabilities I'm attracted to. I'm also not attracted to guys with CP. I dated a guy with CP once and while I had high dev hopes, sadly the attraction I thought I'd have didn't happen. I am however attracted to guys who don't use a chair but have some type of limb difference.
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Post by ruthmadison on Apr 13, 2011 6:59:48 GMT -5
In my fantasies growing up it was always para, but that began to widen as I got older. Though in real life I haven't been attracted to blindness or deafness, I do enjoy those in movies and books. In real life I've found that if the guy's appearance is reasonably cute, then almost any kind of disability is a turn on. In terms of my dating, though, they've all been at least part time wheelchair users: paras, quads, a man with congenital birth defects, and a man with a severe limp.
Though I really like wheelchairs, I also like forearm crutches a lot, and canes. I'm open to the idea of dating an amputee, haven't yet, but I think what appeals to me there is not the stump, but the mobility device, so I'd be less interested in someone who used a prosthesis!
It's always a work in progress for me, I guess. I know what will definitely turn me on, but there's plenty of unknown area where I'd have to meet the person in real life and gauge my body's reaction.
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Post by queenjane on Apr 13, 2011 19:12:27 GMT -5
To answer your question, I am not at all attracted to guys who are blind or deaf. I think I also may have to cross quads and paras off the list of disabilities I'm attracted to. I'm also not attracted to guys with CP. I dated a guy with CP once and while I had high dev hopes, sadly the attraction I thought I'd have didn't happen. I am however attracted to guys who don't use a chair but have some type of limb difference. I like your use of "interests", Emma  I find it fascinating and really beautiful that each of us can be so different. It just goes to show, we were built this way not because it's unnatural, but just the opposite - because there's someone out there for everyone. Thank you! |
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Post by queenjane on Apr 13, 2011 20:06:15 GMT -5
It's always a work in progress for me, I guess. I know what will definitely turn me on, but there's plenty of unknown area where I'd have to meet the person in real life and gauge my body's reaction. Work in progress - I totally hear you. Knowing "what turns you on for sure" is most important, but being open to exploring that gray area will get you far. I wouldn't be with my boyfriend were it not for that Thanks for the input, Ruth. |
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anais
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Post by anais on Apr 16, 2011 15:01:05 GMT -5
Actually, in this area, I don't really know how is it possible to be open to something which doesn't turn you on sexually. Sadly, it is not about pluralism, and I feel it completely doesn't depend on my free will. The grey area here is not so grey. Unfortunately, because it really narrows the possibilities.
I have always been attracted to different kinds of walking disorders, but less to paraplegics, more to those who have partial leg's functioning. Wheelchairs work for me as fine long as the one who is in a wheelchair can use his legs in some way.
The preference indeed narrrowed through the years, because there were times, when paras did it for me completely. Today not so much.
I am definetly attracted to blindness as well, and it is a mystery to me, coz I don't know how to explain it, whereas I am completely sure about the origins of my walking-disablility related devness.
I guess here comes the emotional part as a missing factor - the appeal of the way of dealing with the disability, not the disability itself.
On a second thought, sometimes I think I know everything about my devness, but on other rare ocasions I am taken by surprise by some strange stuff I have never even though about. Can't remember the last time it happened, wish it would happpen again. The sweetest thing ever, those surprises.
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Post by ruthmadison on Apr 18, 2011 8:24:41 GMT -5
Definitely the way of dealing with the disability is a big part of attraction.
Again, I have been blinded by a guy's hotness before and ignored his terrible personality. But in general, for long term possibilities with a guy, it makes a big difference that he be someone who is laid back and accepting of his disability, while still making the best of his life and not letting the disability be an excuse not to live.
The bitter, angry at the world type gets old really fast and quickly loses attractiveness. (Of course people are varied and we all have our off days, but you know the guys I'm talking about who spend their whole lives doing nothing but complaining).
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Post by ~Z28gal~ on Apr 18, 2011 15:47:50 GMT -5
Definitely the way of dealing with the disability is a big part of attraction...The bitter, angry at the world type gets old really fast and quickly loses attractiveness. YES!!! I dated an AB guy who had what he called a "hidden disability" - had stomach pain a lot, and he was SUCH a goddamn martyr, I wanted to take the staple gun to his mouth! Ok, rant over. But yes, that gets old. I generally consider myself a pretty flexible dev - pretty much anything mobility related is attractive. I have a plethora of "smut books" with blind characters, too, though I've never really considered blind guys outside of fiction for some reason. |
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rmrb
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Post by rmrb on Apr 20, 2011 21:11:44 GMT -5
Z-- apparently you and I dated the same AB guy. I wanted to kick him in the balls and give him some REAL stomach pain-- which is rare because I am morally opposed to genitalia related attacks.
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Post by quadincali on Apr 21, 2011 17:07:12 GMT -5
In my fantasies growing up it was always para, but that began to widen as I got older. Though in real life I haven't been attracted to blindness or deafness, I do enjoy those in movies and books. In real life I've found that if the guy's appearance is reasonably cute, then almost any kind of disability is a turn on. In terms of my dating, though, they've all been at least part time wheelchair users: paras, quads, a man with congenital birth defects, and a man with a severe limp. When did you first realize you were attracted to people with disabilities Though I really like wheelchairs, I also like forearm crutches a lot, and canes. I'm open to the idea of dating an amputee, haven't yet, but I think what appeals to me there is not the stump, but the mobility device, so I'd be less interested in someone who used a prosthesis! It's always a work in progress for me, I guess. I know what will definitely turn me on, but there's plenty of unknown area where I'd have to meet the person in real life and gauge my body's reaction. I've been thinking about this one... I agree that the guy's overall attractiveness - which includes personality, I'm one of those people who can't separate personality from looks, so if a guy is super HOT but an asshole, I wouldn't find him attractive at all... conversely, if he's got a really interesting and quirky personality, he's automatically more attractive to me! Isn't it great when he's BOTH HOT and INTERESTING?? But I digress... the guy's over-all attractiveness weighs most heavily in whether I'm attracted TO him, regardless of disability. I, too, have very much enjoyed movies and books featuring men with a variety of disabilities, but I've always been most attracted to paras/quads... and even though I can certainly appreciate other disabilities, and have gone out with guys with other disabilities, I'm still holding out for the super hot wheeler to sweep me away. And my "highlight reel" (when it's working  ) features wheeler fantasies, exclusively. The why is still a mystery, but I'm not really interested in the why at this point in my life in any case. It is what it is, and I'm content to, as my uncle says, "Follow your lights. Even if it comes to naught, you at least won’t spend your last days wondering about what might have been." So there you go. |
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Post by merry on Apr 25, 2011 18:50:06 GMT -5
Queenjane said:
I think this is because I'm just as attracted to (if not more) the mental/emotional aspects or effects of disability, rather than a particular physical manifestation of it. Hard to put into clearer terms since I don't exactly understand it myself...
I relate to this too, like so many of you. As Ruth put it - the way of dealing with a disability is part of the attraction - and that's more than just physical dealing, but emotional dealing too. I find genuine self-assurance incredibly attractive in any guy (here I'm talking about that quiet type of self-assurance that you find in people who are very comfortable with who they are - not bombastic self-promotion) even if it's still growing and developing. If it's to be found in a guy who's had to beat, or is busy beating, some severe odds to get there, all the better. So that for me is the emotional attraction part. (This is why I can be happily married to my AB guy - he has this in spades).
As to what exactly it is that turns me on physically that's a bit more tricky! I don't think it's the device, or the actual impairment, but rather the action or movement involved: the way the disability modifies the way a guy's body is used. Difficult to explain but maybe some specific examples will help clarify what I'm trying to say here (bearing in mind that I find blind guys and paras particularly yummy). To me some of the most visually beautiful things on the planet are: a man's fingers as he reads braille or scans a surface to look for something; a man's hand working a white cane or trailing a wall, and strong hands on the push-rims of a chair together with the rolling of shoulders and flexing of biceps and forearms (Emma, for this reason I totally get the DAK amputee attraction too;))
.......OK now I have to come back down to earth after revisiting some of those images in my internal fantasy image-bank - SIGH.....
(Note to self: Looking back over this I seem to have a thing for hands and arms, which makes sense because I also love watching hands playing a piano or guitar for example (but just for aesthetic reasons - not much turn-on there) - one learns so much about oneself when composing posts for this forum - amazing :))
On a different thought track altogether: I'm someone who tends to find beauty in unusual and unexpected places (I'm forever bringing home other people's "junk" because I see something gorgeous in it) and so I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised that that characteristic/personal quirk extends into the realm of my sexuality too.
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rmrb
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Post by rmrb on Apr 26, 2011 1:09:43 GMT -5
Merry-- For the most part I don't think I could have said it better myself.
Question-- do you think you appreciation for the ability to deal with adversity in others is intrinsic or whether it came about from interacting with people/partners that didn't/couldn't?
Unlike a lot of the other ladies here I don't have recollections of dev feelings or interests from early childhood (like age 5). My earliest were when I was older (8-10) and I can see how they were definitely impacted by the "harsh realities" of life and also information influenced by society about disabled people (probably from books, I read a lot). I'm sure part of the attraction to those that deal with adversity came from seeing my parents fail to deal with their own problems and essentially stop acting like adults for a few years. Basically it instilled in me a desire for a partner that can handle the rough stuff and cope and not leave me hanging as one of my number ones.
Later in life this was only reinforced when I've had partners freak or bail or just be unable to manage their lives despite facing minimal challenges. I find some of the most amazing people are the ones that are dealing or have dealt with the most shit.
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Post by merry on Apr 26, 2011 4:38:02 GMT -5
Question-- do you think you appreciation for the ability to deal with adversity in others is intrinsic or whether it came about from interacting with people/partners that didn't/couldn't? Hmm...Bloody good question! I've always thought that with me it is intrinsic, hadn't really considered it as a reaction of the kind you're describing here - but I'm more than aware that my environment could have played a role.You've made me think I think personality-wise I am and have always been someone who is not afraid of pain, and will often dive right in with others emotionally into their various pits. Initially that was a very bad thing as I had a severe tendency to get depressed right along with them (as well as for my own reasons), but as I've got older, wiser and stronger I've learnt to use that part of my nature to help me be very present to someone's pain, without making it my own. Is this as a reaction to my upbringing? I'm not sure I can say for sure. What I can say, though, is that my parents and brother, lovely as they are, are not very emotionally expressive at all, and possibly did not meet my needs as a very emotionally aware person. Maybe who I am now is partly a reaction to that. I tend to seek out deep emotional responses both in myself and others along the whole spectrum from beauty to pain (I guess I have an artist's soul). If there's one thing I find deeply unattractive it's emotional superficiality (and of course, I am very attracted by the reverse  ). ANY guy, no matter how gorgeous, who can't go deep emotionally does nothing for me...Yes and maybe there is something in that re devoteeism for me. Often people who've traveled a difficult journey have more emotional substance to them (and I'm fully aware I'm generalizing here) and so are more attractive to me as people. But it doesn't explain everything ... |
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Post by ruthmadison on Apr 26, 2011 8:34:02 GMT -5
I do also find the triumph over adversity very attractive. And yet, I have not found myself attracted to ab men who have overcome a lot of difficulty!
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Post by merry on Apr 26, 2011 9:09:11 GMT -5
Ruth, I HEAR you. As I said: it doesn't explain everything. There's still a LOT of mystery to us |
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) features wheeler fantasies, exclusively. The why is still a mystery, but I'm not really interested in the why at this point in my life in any case. 
). ANY guy, no matter how gorgeous, who can't go deep emotionally does nothing for me...Yes and maybe there is something in that re devoteeism for me. Often people who've traveled a difficult journey have more emotional substance to them (and I'm fully aware I'm generalizing here) and so are more attractive to me as people. But it doesn't explain everything