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Post by Emma on Apr 26, 2011 13:34:28 GMT -5
[quote author=ruthmadison board=devs thread=2698 post=57843 time=1303824842, I have not found myself attracted to ab men who have overcome a lot of difficulty![/quote]
I have, well sort of. It wasn't anything near the attraction I feel towards guys who are amputees but one AB guy I dated triggered that a tiny bit of "attraction due to the ability to overcome". It wasn't sexual, more of an admiration that he was able to overcome some pretty challenging things in his childhood. I saw his as very resilient which I guess I value highly in a relationship. Funny thing was he wasn't doing a good job overcoming other issues that arose as an adult which was mostly why I left him.
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Post by Circuit on Apr 28, 2011 13:20:57 GMT -5
My attractions have a pretty wide range, but I'm mostly attracted to mobility impairments. Blindness too, but in the long term, since I aspire to be an animator, it just wouldn't be practical to date a blind guy. And I'm sure if I ever dated a quad, I'd have to start doing daily arm reps just so I could get the hang of performing insane feats of upper body prowess. Like one-armed pull-ups, benching cars, and jar opening. Since I'm not in the running for Ms. Guns-n-Buns-o-Steel 2011 and don't plan to start an insane workout regimen in the near future, I usually find myself thinking about this jar-opening stuff in the long term. Personality-wise, I really dig it when the guy's unselfish, confident about himself, can live independently, has a great sense of creativity, and can appreciate my sense of humor. Of course, a lot of girls like that in a guy. The ones attracted to AB men, too.  |
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Post by ruthmadison on Apr 28, 2011 13:59:02 GMT -5
There's the planning and the logic and then there's when real life happens!
In general I like paraplegia best, but I'm open minded. Low and behold, I find myself interested in a quad guy. And I'm short and have very poor arm strength. I need help to open soy sauce containers, peanut butter, everything!
I guess it's always a question in a relationship of which things are worth compromising on and which are not. Which things on the list can you do without and which not. And you have to re-examine that with each person you connect with.
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Post by Circuit on Apr 28, 2011 14:24:55 GMT -5
You've got some really good points there, Ruth, and no doubt much more experience than I've got. From what I've seen, I'm pretty sure I'm one of the younger devs here, so there's plenty of room for learning new stuff and gaining more perspective.
A strong creative sense is definitely a huge plus, though.
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Post by ruthmadison on Apr 28, 2011 14:38:06 GMT -5
You've got some really good points there, Ruth, and no doubt much more experience than I've got. From what I've seen, I'm pretty sure I'm one of the younger devs here, so there's plenty of room for learning new stuff and gaining more perspective. A strong creative sense is definitely a huge plus, though. My feeling is, you're already significantly narrowing down your field of potential mates (this assuming that you want to follow your dev tendencies in a relationship, I'm sure you've seen that some don't and happily marry AB men). I don't want to narrow mine further by being too attached to a particular disability (when that narrowing is based on practical concerns, rather than attraction). I think the practical stuff can get worked out and a lack of attraction can't. But I might be wrong about that! |
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Post by Emma on Apr 28, 2011 16:28:16 GMT -5
Just to give you some perspective Circuit: I remember when I was a younger dev I said a lot of the same things as you. I crossed guys off the list because they didn't have the disability I was interested in, didn't live near me, didn't fit into the 'look' I wanted in a boyfriend. Surprise, I also didn't date anyone with a disability at that time. As I got older and more confident as a dev and also more curious about what it would be like to be with a guy with a disability I started changing my criteria. I dated a guy who looked attractive to me, lived relatively close but had a disability I hadn't specifically been attracted to. That guy helped me make my devness a little bit of a reality and helped me realize that everything I thought I needed in a relationship I didn't actually need. Do what makes you happy but realize that what you think you may need isn't necessarily the case. Oh yeah also.....I know there are LOTS of tools out there to help with jar opening. I can get any jar open if I needed to, its just easier to have my husband do it if he's around  |
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