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Post by Emma on May 6, 2011 21:35:49 GMT -5
Neffie I usually love your comments but this one left me thinking WTF especially after all the discussion about using terms that are offensive to gay men on the general board.
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Post by Enid on May 7, 2011 5:06:00 GMT -5
Ok, now that I'm a bit more calmed down, I'm going to try to explain why I reacted that way. The use of "dyke" has nothing to do with it. You just happened to push all of my buttons. There are three issues at play here, but they're intertwined. I'll try to unravel them for you: The first one is women's appearance. I think the society we live in puts way too much value on how we look. A lot more than it does for men. And it makes me sick. I'm not going to spend a couple hours getting ready every morning just so people can enjoy looking at me on the street. I won't. And even if you do make yourself pretty everyday, people are still shallow assholes and you're going to have to deal with that. Because the second issue, a byproduct of the first, is how easily people judge couples. Am I the only one who constantly has to suffer through conversations where it's clearly implied that some people should never have sex? I've met many people who clearly get sick if they have to think that fat, ugly, or otherwise unappealing people are having sex. People who feel bothered when they see a coupe and the guy is shorter than the girl. And as a dev, I'm sorry to say you're going to make those people sick as well. I didn't say this on the general board because I didn't want to offend people, but I'm sure that the reason people think people with disabilities are asexual is because they can't fathom anyone wanting to have sex with them, so they feel a lot better if they can tell themselves "they don't have those needs". I know people who tell themselves fat people don't have a sexuality either! And the third part is the homophobia of it all. "Under the radar" doesn't cut it, sorry. I'm sick of "I'm fine with the gays, but please just keep it hidden". Do you know how much it hurts to hear that while you see heterosexual couples almost having sex on the street everyday? Straight people "flaunt" their sexuality every single minute of their lives; most people just don't notice. I've had to lie through my teeth for 7 months because I didn't want to come out at work. And it sucked. I'm sick of censoring myself just to avoid making people uncomfortable. Just food for thought  |
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Post by ruthmadison on May 7, 2011 9:30:24 GMT -5
It's odd because I really do see so much similarity between homosexuality and devness. People say, why can't you keep your sexuality to yourself? I don't want it in my face. I don't want to know what you do in the bedroom.
But it's not what you do in the bedroom. It's how you live in a way that feels real and authentic to you. It's not trying to hide something about yourself to make others more comfortable. As Enid said, straight couples flaunt their straightness *all the time* and I notice that just because I see two able-bodied people kissing, or posing sexily on billboards, and I long to see a wheeler there.
The idea that gay people should do their best to pass as straight makes me think of how much it bothers me when wheelers are pressured to do everything they can to walk, even if it is more dangerous for them to do so.
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Post by Neffie on May 18, 2011 14:16:49 GMT -5
In my life I have had relations with 3 women. One I would class butch (her words). We made out and she fingered me and very much took the lead, picking me up and what not. The second woman I made out with was hot, like model hot. She made me uncomfortable because even though she made a move on me I was the 'man'. I was bigger than her so I was almost the instigator. Kinda cool and we spent the night together. The 3rd woman was a friend, 6'2 and gorgeous, I wouldn't call her butch but she was fucking strong and pretty cool. I finally had sex with this one. It wasn't great and I take full responsibility. Dev is as much of a label as anything. I'm not dissing her I'm just giving my viewpoint on her which admittedly was insensitive as it was based on looks alone but don't we judge men that way?  I can say Bradley Cooper looks pretty but this woman's not butch? Ok Dyke was misused but as I've made out with one I just thought I'd done my bit for integration Ah sue me |
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Post by propella on May 18, 2011 15:28:00 GMT -5
I'm gay, and what I guess you would call "under the radar". However, that is not a choice. I'm really feminine, and most people (gay and straight) assume that I'm straight. I really wish I was butch sometimes, so that being gay and proud was more visible for people to see, but that's a whole other story.
The thing is, I'm really proud of being gay, and I really feel like I have a responsibility to be open, and maybe let people know that gay people come in all shapes and sizes.
I completely agree with Ruth on similarities between being a dev and being gay. However, being a dev is my big secret. Maybe I need to lean on people to pave the way in order to be out? I don't know.
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