Change in devness over the years?

[faith]

Has your devness changed over the years?
I don't mean the normal cycles we all have...some months all encompassing, some months less so.... but changed over the years?

I always have been, and always will be a dev. It is who I am. That hasn't changed.

But it seems to be mellowing. Not "less dev", but a different kind of devness. It has been a slow progression. And I don't even know that I have words yet to actually express what I feel.

For lack of a better comparison it is a little like a career.
It took me a while to find my way but once I found my career of choice I did everything I could do to always be the top person in my company with high productivity and it was important for me to win awards to show for my hard work and efforts. But after years and years the importance of being ranked the highest subsided. Now it is important I do a good, solid job with a good work ethic. My job is still important to me, but not in the same way it once was.

My devness has recently done the same thing. Maybe just the past 6-9 months I have realized that it has just meshed with everything else in my life.... a BIG part and one that is always just under the surface... but not so sharp as it once was.

Anyone else experience this?

[Valkyrja]

For me, it has changed!... but I always thought it was the "aging" LOL
Let me try to explain what I feel: I feel my devness less wild, more settled. It´s still "under my skin" (no, not the song!) but I´m finally in peace with being a dev. I´m not affraid or ashame for being a dev anymore. While it is still a secret, it´s not locked under thousand keys, it´s a part of my persanality, a part of who I am. And I like it.

[ruthmadison]

I feel like my current lack of secrecy caused it to change. When I first started talking about it honestly I thought that might make it go away, because it was so tied to secrecy, but instead it just changed. As everyone else has said, it became calmer. When it was no longer connected to obsession over hiding, fear over being found out, that was a relief.

[merry]

Definitely relate to all of the above - and I think the key for me was being able to talk about it to someone - coming out - rather than merely aging. Once I'd opened up about it and started finding the space to try and understand it and observe it, it began to settle. Maybe because I became more at peace about it and myself?

[~Z28gal~]

Talking about it, acknowledging it, and really thinking about it have changed things for me too.

I don't know how to describe it... I wouldn't say settled, but maybe more rounded, if that makes any sense. Before, it was all fantasy and I only ever had intense positive feelings attached - because that's what fantasy is about! Now that I've been more exposed to the "real" life of a dev - the frustrations of finding a guy and what it's going to take to end up with a happily ever after story - I feel like my devness has been reined in a bit by rationality.

Sniffle.

[Inigo Montoya]

Well... fuck rationality! And the white horse it rode in on...

Ok, maybe not the horse... It doesn't deserve it.

[~Z28gal~]

Lol, I just saw this... <3 Those poor white horses, always getting f*cked.

[Dee Dee]

May 20, 2011 10:43:23 GMT -5 ~Z28gal~ said:

Talking about it, acknowledging it, and really thinking about it have changed things for me too.

I don't know how to describe it... I wouldn't say settled, but maybe more rounded, if that makes any sense. Before, it was all fantasy and I only ever had intense positive feelings attached - because that's what fantasy is about! Now that I've been more exposed to the "real" life of a dev - the frustrations of finding a guy and what it's going to take to end up with a happily ever after story - I feel like my devness has been reined in a bit by rationality.

Adding reality: ditto.

[~Z28gal~]

Yes, well, like Inigo said... Sometimes we can just consciously ignore rationality and go with it!