|
Post by ruthmadison on Sept 3, 2011 10:15:56 GMT -5
Well, historically I've been very shy and have not managed to express interest except on dating sites where it's expected. I still hope to be able to learn to just start a simple conversation somewhere.
My vision is, see someone attractive, go up and start a conversation about whatever, say something like "Would you like to get coffee sometime?"
I don't drink coffee, but I've gathered that this phrase is code for "I would like to date you."
|
|
|
Post by dentelle on Sept 3, 2011 11:11:26 GMT -5
I've made eyes at a guy. Did that recently in a Tims....... But I was with a friend and it wouldn't have been very appropriate, now if I were alone......... and then again, I don't know if the guy is married or not. He came quite close to me the other night even though I was with my friend. He passed by me to put his tray on the garbage bin thingie and he didn'T need to pass so close either...
|
|
|
Post by Dee Dee on Sept 3, 2011 11:18:09 GMT -5
I don't drink coffee, but I've gathered that this phrase is code for "I would like to date you." Oh dear God! I have invited lots of people for coffee during the years without knowing this! Ohhhhh, ROFL ;D
|
|
|
Post by ruthmadison on Sept 3, 2011 12:19:53 GMT -5
My vision is, see someone attractive, go up and start a conversation about whatever, say something like "Would you like to get coffee sometime?" I don't drink coffee, but I've gathered that this phrase is code for "I would like to date you." LOL Ruth... don’t' use this in my country ... here everybody offers coffees to everybody else ;D Well, I don't mean necessarily directly dating, but it is a good phrase for moving the conversation into "how can we see each other again" territory while being very low pressure.
|
|
|
Post by Corey on Sept 3, 2011 19:15:55 GMT -5
Yea...Ive always thought getting coffee with someone was like a first date, or maybe a "pre-date". If it goes well and theres not much awkwardness then you'd ask them out on a more traditional date, to dinner or a movie or something.
of course im hardly an expert on dating but this is what I do.
|
|
|
Post by BA on Sept 4, 2011 18:44:11 GMT -5
Three things have generally worked in my favor in the past: extended eye contact with a smile, if I were feeling bold, a "wink" and finally the 'go for coffee' thingy.
|
|
eddieb
Full Member
Wheelchaired Adventurer
Posts: 113
|
Post by eddieb on Sept 4, 2011 18:56:18 GMT -5
When speaking with someone you just met, "coffee" in the US is definitely a first date thing. There's a scene about it in the movie Good Will Hunting.
|
|
|
Post by wonk on Sept 4, 2011 21:46:04 GMT -5
I use "Would you like to come back to my place for coffee and sex" If they decline I always ask "don't you drink coffee"
|
|
|
Post by Inigo Montoya on Sept 4, 2011 22:03:37 GMT -5
Referring to the OP: It is one of my greatest areas of social failure. With both dis and AB guys.
|
|
|
Post by Inigo Montoya on Sept 4, 2011 22:04:18 GMT -5
Oh, and wonk?
I only drink coffee in the morning. ;D
|
|
|
Post by ruthmadison on Sept 5, 2011 8:01:12 GMT -5
Yes. I think you're absolutely right.
I feel like sometimes the men I have flirted with have been reluctant because of their own insecurities about their disabilities (it's too bad Tri isn't here to tell me that I'm too full of myself).
And there's a huge internal conflict for many people when we grow up with the idea that disability is tragic and horrible and worse than death, but we're attracted to it. I think that's where the famous dev guilt comes from (which some people feel and others don't). For me, the guilt really eased when I stopped giving in to that message in society. I don't believe that disability automatically makes you miserable (despite all the people still trying to tell me that it does) and therefore I'm comfortable saying that it's an attraction just like any other.
People with the message even further ingrained may go through their entire lives in the closet.
|
|
pjdukegavin
Full Member
banned
Posts: 136
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Pretender
Relationship Status: Married/Domestic partnership
|
Post by pjdukegavin on Sept 5, 2011 10:39:51 GMT -5
Cali, going back to your original post: as a wheeler, I've never gone "looking" for a dev. I've looked for someone I'm attracted to first, and worried how they perceive my abilities later. The signals you throw out are what opens the aperture, IMO.
One of my theories on devoteeism is that there is a spectrum that ranges from "must have/deal breaker" through "openness if other compatibilities are strong" to "no way". Its entirely possible to date in the middle ground, and as you can see by many of the ladies on this board they seem to find their fulfillment on the higher end of the spectrum.
|
|
|
Post by Sova on Sept 6, 2011 22:56:30 GMT -5
I think one thing is, a lot of wheelers get attention from girls that for an AB guy would be flirty, but for them, it's intended as pandering or, for lack of a better word, "kindness." It's that cliche "mothering" instinct or unnecessarily treating them as child like. So, I know, at least for me, whenever people do that, both guys and girls, I automatically think it's with those intentions and not from a point of attraction. It's not hard to tell when a girl is genuinely attracted to you and when she's just being "nice." If it is, then you're not talking to them enough. Your thought process is what's killing you. Let the girls worry about over-analyzing everything (lol). Attraction is simple when you understand it. To understand it, you have to be confident enough to show it. To show it, you have to maintain being the boss of it.
|
|
|
Post by Dee Dee on Sept 7, 2011 7:55:48 GMT -5
I think one thing is, a lot of wheelers get attention from girls that for an AB guy would be flirty, but for them, it's intended as pandering or, for lack of a better word, "kindness." It's that cliche "mothering" instinct or unnecessarily treating them as child like. So, I know, at least for me, whenever people do that, both guys and girls, I automatically think it's with those intentions and not from a point of attraction. It's not hard to tell when a girl is genuinely attracted to you and when she's just being "nice." If it is, then you're not talking to them enough. Your thought process is what's killing you. Let the girls worry about over-analyzing everything (lol). Attraction is simple when you understand it. To understand it, you have to be confident enough to show it. To show it, you have to maintain being the boss of it. Mmm, Sova I need to analyse less ;D
|
|
eddieb
Full Member
Wheelchaired Adventurer
Posts: 113
|
Post by eddieb on Sept 7, 2011 10:23:45 GMT -5
Sova, succinct and dead on. Just be confident and own it...or if you can't get there, at the very least, just be yourself (and don't water yourself down due to fear of what another might think).
|
|