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Post by Sova on May 22, 2013 14:19:18 GMT -5
I would love for the dudes sake, for all of the above to be intact...and any ability they have for any of the above is certainly warmly welcomed (by me) But I can have plenty of fun in the absence of the above and I would argue that so can the guy. Very true. I'm late on the answer here but I can't stress enough how little a lasting erection, the ability to orgasm and ability to sense matters to my pleasure... But what if it did? I'm sure there are some on here that find that to be the most arousing part of sex. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
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greenbean
Full Member
That's not me, just a chick with a pigeon poopin on her head.
Posts: 219
Gender: Female
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Relationship Status: In a relationship
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Post by greenbean on May 22, 2013 14:31:38 GMT -5
I have one.
In the past, we have heard of the "dark side" of being a dev. What is this "dark side?" What fantasies/thoughts/etc., specifically, would you place there? What else does it include? How do you feel about these things?
To get the most honest answers to this very personal, possibly embarrassing, question, I'd suggest the answers don't need to be self-identifying (unless you want to be), i.e. "I know devs who..." vs "My "dark fantasy" is..." I know I'm late responding to this question, but its a good one. If your super sensitive about I dunno, life, maybe you won't want to read this. Its about some reasons why I don't want o be with a dis guy despite the fact that I am a dev. My dark side is the resentment that I feel when I think about relationships, either with ab or dis guys. There is some guilt and shame about the smutt I whack off to (athetosis, pain, spasms, cp, sometimes sci) but it is much less intense for me then the feelings I get when it comes to actual relationships and fantasized relationships. I feel intensely selfish when I think about the reasons I wouldn't want to be with a dis guy, because it's all about me not wanting limits. I love having a boyfriend who bikes everywhere with me, I camp regularly, my dad takes me mountaineering to places where I feel the best sense of belonging, I love to travel and never plan to stop, and I want to have a house outside the city with a vegetable garden and some wild children. Admittedly I'm 22, and what 22 year old knows what they want? Either way, I feel like I'd miss out on a lot if I married a wheeler. I'm getting more and more interested in maintaining serious relationships, but I feel like my attitude and perception of how the relationship would go would just make it a disaster. And then on the flip side, every time I date an ab guy it predictably isn't what I'm looking for. I feel antsy and unsatisfied. I want him to break up with me so that I don't have to do it. And so I resent him, because the relationship doesn't feel right, obviously through no fault of his own. So I feel like I get to choose between the lifestyle I want and the love I want. If I keep doing what I'm doing (dating mountain men) I know I'm always going to feel this stupid empty fucked up feeling. Or I'm going to go out with a brilliant sexy dis guy and resent the hell out of him for things that are beyond his control. In conclusion, I feel like because I am a dev I am never going to be [in a] happy [relationship]. Because I am a overly maternal chick who wants to date, mate and spit out some kids, this is a big bad problem for me. *side note: I know the tov in that little bit of vomitus was nauseating and self-serving, I know my attitude is garbage, I know dis guys can do cool shit to, I know, I know, I know. This is just straight-up how I feel and I thought I would share.
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Post by Cake on May 22, 2013 16:44:27 GMT -5
I have one.
In the past, we have heard of the "dark side" of being a dev. What is this "dark side?" What fantasies/thoughts/etc., specifically, would you place there? What else does it include? How do you feel about these things?
To get the most honest answers to this very personal, possibly embarrassing, question, I'd suggest the answers don't need to be self-identifying (unless you want to be), i.e. "I know devs who..." vs "My "dark fantasy" is..." I know I'm late responding to this question, but its a good one. If your super sensitive about I dunno, life, maybe you won't want to read this. Its about some reasons why I don't want o be with a dis guy despite the fact that I am a dev. My dark side is the resentment that I feel when I think about relationships, either with ab or dis guys. There is some guilt and shame about the smutt I whack off to (athetosis, pain, spasms, cp, sometimes sci) but it is much less intense for me then the feelings I get when it comes to actual relationships and fantasized relationships. I feel intensely selfish when I think about the reasons I wouldn't want to be with a dis guy, because it's all about me not wanting limits. I love having a boyfriend who bikes everywhere with me, I camp regularly, my dad takes me mountaineering to places where I feel the best sense of belonging, I love to travel and never plan to stop, and I want to have a house outside the city with a vegetable garden and some wild children. Admittedly I'm 22, and what 22 year old knows what they want? Either way, I feel like I'd miss out on a lot if I married a wheeler. I'm getting more and more interested in maintaining serious relationships, but I feel like my attitude and perception of how the relationship would go would just make it a disaster. And then on the flip side, every time I date an ab guy it predictably isn't what I'm looking for. I feel antsy and unsatisfied. I want him to break up with me so that I don't have to do it. And so I resent him, because the relationship doesn't feel right, obviously through no fault of his own. So I feel like I get to choose between the lifestyle I want and the love I want. If I keep doing what I'm doing (dating mountain men) I know I'm always going to feel this stupid empty f*cked up feeling. Or I'm going to go out with a brilliant sexy dis guy and resent the hell out of him for things that are beyond his control. In conclusion, I feel like because I am a dev I am never going to be [in a] happy [relationship]. Because I am a overly maternal chick who wants to date, mate and spit out some kids, this is a big bad problem for me. *side note: I know the tov in that little bit of vomitus was nauseating and self-serving, I know my attitude is garbage, I know dis guys can do cool sh*t to, I know, I know, I know. This is just straight-up how I feel and I thought I would share. I love the honesty, greenbeangirl.
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Post by Inigo Montoya on May 22, 2013 18:35:57 GMT -5
Also no rule that says a woman must be attached to spawn. That's something that can't wait until you're 42. Unless you are very, VERY lucky.
I also loved your honesty.
Sent from my MB860 using proboards
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greenbean
Full Member
That's not me, just a chick with a pigeon poopin on her head.
Posts: 219
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: In a relationship
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Post by greenbean on May 22, 2013 19:06:42 GMT -5
@ Cake, thanks. lucretia [/quote] I like this, too I have had a wild and experience filled life. I can say "been there, done that" to so many lives, it's almost like I have been many different people. What you want now may very well NOT be what you want in 5 or 10 years, and at 22, you have those options. Hell, at 42 you will have those options... although for some things, the clock DOES tick... Above all, not settling is the best advice I could ever give anyone. Never settle. If you want something, go for it. If it doesn't fit into the life you want, make it fit or put it aside for now. If the life you want changes, then those things will be waiting. There are no limits to how many times you can reinvent yourself if you are still breathing. There is no rule that says being a dev means you date disabled guys. [/quote] Thanks for that. I guess the problem is that things may feel right in one way and wrong in another. Aka me and my ab boyfriend do awesome things together, but it feels a bit superficial when we're just trying to be sexually or emotionally present for one another. But maybe I am over thinking things. Life does have a way of working out and it certainly changes again and again. And it's reassuring to know that there is no dev rule book ;) And @ Inigo I certainly know that not having kids is an option (and an eco-friendly and budget happy one at that!) but I seriously want to procreate. And we all know ovaries are just unholy little time bombs.
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Post by Inigo Montoya on May 22, 2013 19:54:25 GMT -5
No! Sorry, I've had a crap day and was drinking and not expressing well. I'm not telling you NOT to. I'm telling you that you don't have to be attached to a man to do it. If you know you want to and aren't attached by your late 20s, I'd recommend having your fertility numbers checked. Sent from my MB860 using proboards
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greenbean
Full Member
That's not me, just a chick with a pigeon poopin on her head.
Posts: 219
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: In a relationship
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Post by greenbean on May 22, 2013 20:33:56 GMT -5
No! Sorry, I've had a crap day and was drinking and not expressing well. I'm not telling you NOT to. I'm telling you that you don't have to be attached to a man to do it. If you know you want to and aren't attached by your late 20s, I'd recommend having your fertility numbers checked. Sent from my MB860 using proboards After re-reading what you said, you were expressing yourself fine, I was just being a lil dense. Anyways, I definitely agree! I've met some very put together single mothers.
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Post by BA on May 22, 2013 21:34:22 GMT -5
Awesome post, Greenbean. I feel how torn you are about things. I also know that you are young and need to have a variety of experiences. If you've never dated an outdoorsy disabled guy..do it! Live with no regrets. Maybe he won't hold you back. You won't know until you've lived it.
On another note. The only aspect of sex with an sci guy that I have had any issues with, has been my recurrent fear that I have left him physically unsatisfied because he has not had a traditional "orgasm". I have, at times, wondered if he would resent me for having my release. Over the long term how might this impact our relationship?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2013 14:39:15 GMT -5
Looking at some of the guys out there it seems there are quite a bunch who are still very outdoorsy, adventurous despite their disabilities....
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2013 15:46:18 GMT -5
On another note. The only aspect of sex with an sci guy that I have had any issues with, has been my recurrent fear that I have left him physically unsatisfied because he has not had a traditional "orgasm". I have, at times, wondered if he would resent me for having my release. Over the long term how might this impact our relationship? BA, That is an interesting thought. I think that most good guys are the same... We would be thrilled to be able to play a role in your orgasm(s)... Whether we are physically capable of climaxing, or not(or even if we can physically, but don't in that episode) If I personally, was no longer able to climax, but had the opportunity for intimate contact with my significant other...and could pleasure her with my tongue(or any other method) over the course of a long term relationship...I would never harbor any feelings of resentment. On the other hand, if I was a prick...and was only interested in MY climax, and MY satisfaction...but couldn't achieve that...through no fault of yours. I would resent the hell out of you, and every other person out there...as well as small household pets and even insects. Hopefully none of you would venture into intimate waters with this kind of guy anyway.
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Post by Inigo Montoya on May 23, 2013 16:30:02 GMT -5
Damn gnats!
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vancityippy
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Posts: 209
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Married/Domestic partnership
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Post by vancityippy on May 23, 2013 22:51:58 GMT -5
GREENBEANGIRL! Thanks for your post:) I think about this aspect of you often...especially now that I am facing some of those exact feelings... can't wait to catch up!
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vancityippy
Full Member
Posts: 209
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Married/Domestic partnership
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Post by vancityippy on May 23, 2013 23:00:45 GMT -5
On another note. The only aspect of sex with an sci guy that I have had any issues with, has been my recurrent fear that I have left him physically unsatisfied because he has not had a traditional "orgasm". I have, at times, wondered if he would resent me for having my release. Over the long term how might this impact our relationship? BA, That is an interesting thought. I think that most good guys are the same... We would be thrilled to be able to play a role in your orgasm(s)... Whether we are physically capable of climaxing, or not(or even if we can physically, but don't in that episode) If I personally, was no longer able to climax, but had the opportunity for intimate contact with my significant other...and could pleasure her with my tongue(or any other method) over the course of a long term relationship...I would never harbor any feelings of resentment. . Yea, I admit...it was a process. I used to have that feeling...that the dude may possibly feel resentful for not being able to climax... THEN, I read a post on carecure or something by a woman who was dating a guy with a SCI. She said that she felt enormous guilt for being able to orgasm while her bf wasn't...she said she was timid and afraid to touch the parts of his body that were paralyzed...she said she broke down crying on top of her bf each time they had sex... And all I could think when I was reading this was...POOR GUY! Sex would be a million times better FOR HIM If this chick would let go, enjoy her self and have a good time. Anyway, in that moment, it clicked. I decided if I ever met the dis guy of my dreams I would not let guilt get in the way of our intimacy... Sucks enough to not be able to feel your dick...Last thing you need is your girl friend focusing on how terrible it is.
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Post by ProudRealist on May 24, 2013 22:47:14 GMT -5
Ahhhhhh, stuff that, feeling your dick is overrated...now the earlobes, different story....the earlobes are one part of my body that i need (and glad) to feel ;D Wow, i'm tingly just thinking about it
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greenbean
Full Member
That's not me, just a chick with a pigeon poopin on her head.
Posts: 219
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: In a relationship
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Post by greenbean on May 25, 2013 0:10:22 GMT -5
GREENBEANGIRL! Thanks for your post:) I think about this aspect of you often...especially now that I am facing some of those exact feelings... can't wait to catch up! Hey! Check yer email! And Dani, peep my asterisk/side note at the end.
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