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Post by Green on Apr 9, 2013 20:04:51 GMT -5
Hello, all!
So, as you can guess, I'm new here. I'm 23, live in New Jersey, and since it's relevant to this forum, I have muscular dystrophy. For a while I thought posting on a devotee site would be strange, like I shouldn't have to "resort" to taking the "easy" way out and find people with a preference in how a person looks, just a shallowness of sorts I guess? I was on the fence basically, it just bothered me in the way that it bothers me how some people put a lot of value on height. But I don't think that anymore, I'm now on the side of the fence where it's not like height. Perhaps some devotees are like that, but looking around here, I don't think there is any shallowness like that - I was mistaken before. I think that in having a disability tends to lead to admirable qualities due to adapting in life. So, with my newer perspective. I'll get to know a few of you soon, and hopefully anyone who lives in or near New Jersey, too!
As my avatar suggests, I really, really, really love The Cure. PM me or respond if you want to talk more! I'll probably be posting more in the future.
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Post by RyooT on Apr 10, 2013 9:21:23 GMT -5
Welcome to PD, Green!
Really nice introduction. Honest of you to put your reservations out there. For me (and I know many other members feel similar) looks in terms of a particular disability are just one of many, many traits that might attract me to a person or not. We are all unique in our likes and dislikes.
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Post by Ximena on Apr 10, 2013 12:38:03 GMT -5
Welcome. While I do think some devotees are shallow, a lot aren't, and like ryoot points out, look at disability at just one aspect that attracts them to another person.  |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Apr 10, 2013 13:08:01 GMT -5
Hi, hope you have fun on here
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Post by Green on Apr 10, 2013 17:27:43 GMT -5
I agree with you Ryoo, but that thought was mainly related to a physical feature being a requirement to attraction. Sometimes people want someone to be tall, and say height is required. To put it another way: it is possible to see a disability as either primarily a physical trait, or a physical trait that tends to lead to personality trait. I usually use the word disability in the physical trait sense, which may be different than the sense you use the world disability.
I suppose you could say things get lost in translation. I'd certainly acknowledge that having a disability likely gives me some personality traits that able-bodied people probably wouldn't have, hence my change of perspective on what devotee means. Not better traits, just different. Does that fit with your experience of attraction?
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Celeste
Full Member
Posts: 125
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by Celeste on Apr 10, 2013 21:08:21 GMT -5
I would have to say that personality/outlook has /something/ to do with my attraction, but not much. Don't get me wrong: I think personality is extremely important in relationships, but my personality preferences aren't really linked to my devoteeism.
I consider physical attraction a major part of romantic relationships. I wouldn't exactly call it "shallow" because romance without physical attraction is just... friendship? It just always seems necessary for a relationship to work, devotee or not.
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Post by lavly on Apr 11, 2013 2:29:39 GMT -5
its a really good question or point ... hi btw . im lavly and i have a dyslexia so ill try my best to explain how i see my own atraction with f..ed up spelling  my attraction is not only to wheelers ... or dis but it does get highent with wheelers. but i cant make a life with just someone im physicaly atracted to. i need more. like its been said before i need more then a chair to build a relaship with someone. ( sex though ... thats a diffrent topic and if its to concenting adults that know what they want ... then go hard). but you know something that i have been thinking about in the last 2 years is that my devness is not really even about the phycal state of guy in a chair. but mainly about the internal stuff that happence on genral with a guy thats disabled. ie the way he feels about his disabilty and the way he over comes that feeling ... the stranth it takes and so on. something as simple as being in the pool with my guy and how he feels in my arms when he leans his hole body wight on me... the way he looks in that moment might sound like im atracted to the way he look per say but i asure you im atracted to whats going on in his head at that moment... and the physcal manifestation of that might be the lak of legs moving in a pool. but if you show me a vidio of paralized legs in a pool i would be like ummm k ? what now... its only hot cos they are attaced to him . now ... having said that i dont mean that this dev atraction i have is not a superfical one cos it is. but then again i do belive that there is such few moment in an inisual intraduction of two ppl where the attraction isnt superfical. in some cases you might not have even see what someone looks like and your still super attracted to them and that attraction can be superfisal ... cos your attracted to what they mean to you ... not who they really are. think about the last time you were attracted to someone... what was it about them that inisaly drue you close to them ... how much of your attraction was about what you wanted to see ? i know im not getting out what i mean here but ill try and explain it more later . lol but yeah welcome |
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Post by lavly on Apr 11, 2013 2:48:21 GMT -5
I shouldn't have to "resort" to taking the "easy" way out and find people with a preference in how a person looks . on a side no this i have always kinda been angry when i talk to ppl that talk this way about devs. its not just you and i know you say that this is how you use to feel. but i have met guys that are like dude thats so sick that you feel that way but hey ... i have no other chose ... no one else really wants me. and beggers cant be choseser ( a wheeler ones said that to me - and my answer was yeah but devs can be chosers and i dont choses you) . the point i making is that the dev option is not nesseseryly the easy one. cos she will want way more then just the fact that your in a chair. this what i always want to say to new guys... you still have to be up to scratch ... if you see a dev that is 18 and she looks fine as and she has her shit together ... then chances are she wants a guy with a disablity in her age group with goles abitions and who also looks fine as . you cant be in your 40's living at home no job and hitting on a 19 year old. just cos you have a dis and she is a dev. i needed to get that out and that was not derected at you ( cos well your not 40 ) but just how i feel about some wheelers that get on here. |
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Post by Green on Apr 11, 2013 10:49:48 GMT -5
I'm not sure that disability, by itself, creates admirable personality traits. I'm talking about strength of character, humor, ability to be positive in negative situations, things like that. I have met many disabled guys who do not possess any of those traits. I have met many AB guys that DO. Definitely, but I'd say some personality traits come out of personal life experience. I don't mean admirable traits per se, just traits that are different than admiration. Say, a person who is highly opinionated isn't something admirable or disadmirable, but it's a trait some people may be attracted towards. Likely there are deeper traits of a person that are more fundamental and arise from a lifetime of experience at all moments. Disability affects a person at all times, so there may be deep traits associated with it which affects personality in subtle ways that only disability can. Of course, without the less fundamental traits that you list like humor, there is not enough for romantic attraction. Mostly, this is my thinking of how attraction tends to work, so disagreement is welcome. =P I consider physical attraction a major part of romantic relationships. I wouldn't exactly call it "shallow" because romance without physical attraction is just... friendship? Yeah, I understand what you mean. For me at least, personality/intelligence attract me primarily, and at that point I find people physically attractive. Something like if I love a mind, I find the body just as attractive. Due to lack of experience overall, I've only experienced it once briefly, really strongly being physically attracted, but I doubt it was a fluke. Thanks for the welcomes! |
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Post by Dee Dee on Apr 12, 2013 2:57:16 GMT -5
Hi and welcome Green.
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Post by Green on Apr 14, 2013 12:27:45 GMT -5
Oh, I should add, what makes my wheelchair cool is that it elevates, reclines, and tilts. =P
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2013 0:18:07 GMT -5
Welcome to PD and hope you enjoy it here!
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Missy
New Member
Nerd Bat-Hunter
Posts: 43
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Post by Missy on Apr 18, 2013 9:48:44 GMT -5
OMG a cure fan! Welcome, I hope you have good time here  |
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