Post by Pony on Aug 16, 2013 13:25:19 GMT -5
Blessed or Cursed
It’s easy to look at someone in a wheelchair and immediately see the ‘cursed’ side of that individual’s life. After all, it’s probably the most visually obvious sign that someone has been resigned to a life of hardship, especially if you’re a higher-level Spinal Cord injury, like me. Almost everything I do comes with an inordinate amount of difficulty. Thus, I utter the colorful phrases you motherfucker...come on...what the fuck are you doing to me? more than most people during an average day. However, I’ve learned over the years after my car accident that paralyzed me from chest down, including hands and a significant portion of my arms, to move on very quickly after things give me trouble in my day. There are small battles throughout a day, and at times, things become more difficult than usual - setting me off into a rapid fire cursing machine gun! Most times I win the fight physically with something, then move on.
I’d be lying if I said ‘I never feel cursed.’ I do, at times, but I also know I’m just as blessed, even more so. It’s all a matter of perspective, and you can feel either way. Now, as for society, many times they are going to see me as cursed, but I have to remember they are short-sighted, only seeing the outside - my physical difficulty pushing up a ramp, or trying to grab the fast-food bag from the drive-thru window at McDonald’s. I’ve learned to step back from these situations where (sometimes) I feel somewhat picked on by life.
I admit to cursing God sometimes, and I’m a non-believer. I know. Crazy! But it’s just a release valve for hitting a frustrating level that I can’t handle anymore. It doesn’t happen very often. I never let anything weigh on me very long, but it’s those times that I feel more cursed than blessed.
My blessings and curses are exaggerated because of my physical disability, but really, we’re all, both, blessed and cursed. If you’re human, you will have to deal with both. For some people, the curses poison the water, making everyday seem dismal. It’s really all about where your focus is.
I’m sure when people first meet me they must wonder if I’m only hiding my anger and depression behind my everyday-people mask, but really those elements are small to my personality. Look, my childhood wasn’t easy, and maybe I have some of that embedded in my soul, and being paralyzed at this level on spine is definitely more weight on my shoulders than most people could stand. But it’s never been something that’s defined who I am. There’s much more inside of me.
Sometimes I feel like this needs explaining as a man that pushes a chair and deals with physical struggles daily. It shouldn’t be this way, but it’s my plight. My journey. Blessed and cursed. I’ll take both.
It’s easy to look at someone in a wheelchair and immediately see the ‘cursed’ side of that individual’s life. After all, it’s probably the most visually obvious sign that someone has been resigned to a life of hardship, especially if you’re a higher-level Spinal Cord injury, like me. Almost everything I do comes with an inordinate amount of difficulty. Thus, I utter the colorful phrases you motherfucker...come on...what the fuck are you doing to me? more than most people during an average day. However, I’ve learned over the years after my car accident that paralyzed me from chest down, including hands and a significant portion of my arms, to move on very quickly after things give me trouble in my day. There are small battles throughout a day, and at times, things become more difficult than usual - setting me off into a rapid fire cursing machine gun! Most times I win the fight physically with something, then move on.
I’d be lying if I said ‘I never feel cursed.’ I do, at times, but I also know I’m just as blessed, even more so. It’s all a matter of perspective, and you can feel either way. Now, as for society, many times they are going to see me as cursed, but I have to remember they are short-sighted, only seeing the outside - my physical difficulty pushing up a ramp, or trying to grab the fast-food bag from the drive-thru window at McDonald’s. I’ve learned to step back from these situations where (sometimes) I feel somewhat picked on by life.
I admit to cursing God sometimes, and I’m a non-believer. I know. Crazy! But it’s just a release valve for hitting a frustrating level that I can’t handle anymore. It doesn’t happen very often. I never let anything weigh on me very long, but it’s those times that I feel more cursed than blessed.
My blessings and curses are exaggerated because of my physical disability, but really, we’re all, both, blessed and cursed. If you’re human, you will have to deal with both. For some people, the curses poison the water, making everyday seem dismal. It’s really all about where your focus is.
I’m sure when people first meet me they must wonder if I’m only hiding my anger and depression behind my everyday-people mask, but really those elements are small to my personality. Look, my childhood wasn’t easy, and maybe I have some of that embedded in my soul, and being paralyzed at this level on spine is definitely more weight on my shoulders than most people could stand. But it’s never been something that’s defined who I am. There’s much more inside of me.
Sometimes I feel like this needs explaining as a man that pushes a chair and deals with physical struggles daily. It shouldn’t be this way, but it’s my plight. My journey. Blessed and cursed. I’ll take both.
