shimmers still

[Deleted]

shimmers still

last rays calibrate to golden aperture
under a renaissance sky
we skim blue glass water
solstice grace upon island passage

rosen dusk edges day
inviting shore lights to brighten
each attended by offshore soulshine

all fades but shimmers still

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not a single comment
here is a crit that was offered on linkedin poets group
perhaps this will provide some ideas about getting into the poem
this is just one reaction - no better or worse than yours
it may give us some talking points

I like your poem very much... the ardent sense of transient visual and spiritual beauty in the crossing, which is also a metaphorical one. I am very interested in the rhythmic features of successful poems, and when I scan yours, I am struck by the number of strong first syllable beats, especially in the opening and following lines. The way that force falls on these first syllables gives your voice strength, perhaps also contributing to the imminent sense of danger. I am also struck by your use of rich and fresh language...calibrate, aperture, renaissance... words that are associated with science, which I think also contributes to a sense of true, omniscient experience in the poem.