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Post by Silvermoon on Mar 25, 2007 6:45:09 GMT -5
Did he have a problem leaving the house when it came to things like recreation or stuff that was for his own interest? I know people with Agoraphobia, some of them so bad that they are truly confined to the house. Was his truly agoraphobia, ie. he wouldn't drive, go to the supermarket, movies or anything like that.... or was it "job phobia"? Close. My theory is that it was a big case of "Life phobia" with a touch of "overbearing motheritis" . . . since he was 16, at least. 39 and never had a job in his life. It got old pretty fast. And yeah, he didn't go out much. And it wasn't that he couldn't. He sometimes did, but I started showing panic attacks at home when things got too stressful - like me wanting to talk to him about getting a job and being responsible. Anyway, it's just a lot of old story stuff that I'll still sound bitter about if I keep talking about it. So I apologize in advance. Sorry if I sound bitter.
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Post by brendanuk on Mar 25, 2007 8:04:46 GMT -5
Silvermoon, out of interest are you here for research for your writing or do you consider yourself a dev?
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Post by Silvermoon on Mar 25, 2007 20:44:06 GMT -5
Silvermoon, out of interest are you here for research for your writing or do you consider yourself a dev? I joined the site because I believe I am a devotee, though I harbor some doubts about it, as some of my fascination with a disabled person doesn't always end up being sexual. Not sure if that has any validity, but . . . *shrug* Thems the breaks, I guess.
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Post by Triassic on Mar 25, 2007 20:59:12 GMT -5
I geuss I'm like Silvermoon's ex; I go out into the world only when I really must. Occasionally a brief jaunt somewhere with a friend can be enjoyable, but for the most part I stay home. But...my home is very nice indeed. Not a palace by any means, but I have all I need and enjoy right here at hand.
It's the wheelchair. When I used crutches going out was fun. After I started using thI e chair I kept going out, doing stuff...but after 2 or 3 years it dawned on me; 'Hey, this isn't the same. It's not fun anymore.' So I quit-found and developed stuff to do at home. It's a lot less stressful here than out in the world.
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Post by matisse on Mar 25, 2007 21:57:36 GMT -5
Triassic, what made it less fun after you started using a chair?
I went out a lot MORE after I started using a chair, as compared to a year or so before. I was in a twilight zone where I felt unstable but was not using a chair. Having the chair freed things up for me.
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Post by Claire on Mar 26, 2007 8:59:48 GMT -5
Tri, matisse, I have a cousin who is a quad. I recently saw him for the first time in several years, and he had become quite a recluse. He had left his house once in the past year, on his birthday, when his friends insisted on taking him out. But not only that, he will barely leave his room. We were guests at his home and only saw him twice, because he never left his room. If we wanted to see him, we had to go to him, in his room. It really saddened me. I asked him why, and he said "It's too hard going out." I have another online friend who is a quad, and just found out that she too hasn't been out of the house in months! What is this about, accessibility issues? Something psychological? It confuses and saddens me.
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Post by Triassic on Mar 26, 2007 10:06:33 GMT -5
Well, for me it's probably a combo of things; mainly my time is better spent at home because there are actually things I can do-exercizes and meditations, stretching-that make me feel signifigantly better. In othr words, I'm not just zoning out chez moi.
Also, I'm just not physically comfortable in my chair for more than a couple hours. And no, it's not due to my cushion or chair adjustment, believe me.
Then there's logistics; going out involves stuff like finding bathrooms, negotiating narrow spaces, inclines, etc...this is OK if the event/occasion/site is really worth it; but often, frankly, it's not. When I WAS going out in the chair I'd find myself wishing I was home.
And lastly, it's hard being around a bunch of AB's because I DO feel inferior to any one who can walk. I don't like to admit it, but it's true. And I don't enjoy feeling inferior and envious.
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Post by BA on Mar 26, 2007 17:05:20 GMT -5
And lastly, it's hard being around a bunch of AB's because I DO feel inferior to any one who can walk. I don't like to admit it, but it's true. And I don't enjoy feeling inferior and envious. And THAT part I wish you DIDN'T feel. What is it about walking that is so damned special??? It doesn't require brains, it doesn't require heart. It's a stupid reflex. Apes and dogs do it. George Bush does it. Steven Hawking doesn't. Whose the brighter man???
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Post by matisse on Mar 26, 2007 18:32:16 GMT -5
Triassic, have you tried a power chair?
On the logistics, you must live someplace where accessibility is somewhat spotty?
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Post by Ouch on Mar 26, 2007 19:44:42 GMT -5
Wow, that's tough Tri, sorry to hear that. It's an interesting point of view, because I, myself tend to be quite the opposite myself (I start gettin' weird being in one room too long). I think I get your vibe about the latter part, and the world doesn't help much, but do know you don't need to feel 'inferior' to others because they're AB, because it just isn't true.
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Post by Claire on Mar 26, 2007 20:11:51 GMT -5
And lastly, it's hard being around a bunch of AB's because I DO feel inferior to any one who can walk. I don't like to admit it, but it's true. And I don't enjoy feeling inferior and envious. Hey Tri, thanks for the honest answer. That's so ironic, because I never feel as self-confident around others as when I am in my chair. I wish I could pack some of that in a box and send it to you.
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Post by cabdy on Mar 26, 2007 20:26:37 GMT -5
Well, for me it's probably a combo of things; mainly my time is better spent at home because there are actually things I can do-exercizes and meditations, stretching-that make me feel signifigantly better. In othr words, I'm not just zoning out chez moi. Also, I'm just not physically comfortable in my chair for more than a couple hours. And no, it's not due to my cushion or chair adjustment, believe me. Then there's logistics; going out involves stuff like finding bathrooms, negotiating narrow spaces, inclines, etc...this is OK if the event/occasion/site is really worth it; but often, frankly, it's not. When I WAS going out in the chair I'd find myself wishing I was home. And lastly, it's hard being around a bunch of AB's because I DO feel inferior to any one who can walk. I don't like to admit it, but it's true. And I don't enjoy feeling inferior and envious. Wow that's hard don't you think? I'm sure you're a great guy and you must feel proud not inferior or envious. I just wish you feel better and remember we all have problems but we need to handle them. :-*KISSES We can chat one day if you want: yahoo: cutechefmaris
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Post by Triassic on Mar 26, 2007 20:33:59 GMT -5
Well, it's not like I feel ABJECTLY, grovelingly inferior to every single walker; but yeah, it is there to some degree.
Because it's true.
How we manifest physically in this world IS a factor in who we are. Not, perhaps, as signifigant a factor as the ancient Greeks asserted, but still...our bodies, how they function, how they look, how they feel, are an important part of who we are.
See, I've always been disabled, and have considered myself as such and been seen as such. But I used to be pretty good on the crutches and braces, standing straight and tall, and moving pretty well. I felt inferior to the Normals. But...I DID feel superior to wheelchair users. I'm not proud of that but I did.
Turnabout is fair play. Now that I must use a chair, I can hardly pretend that it doesnt matter. Besides, I can tell that most everyone feels superior to me because they can ambulate and I can't. As I used to feel.
As Bob Seger said; 'That's just the way it is.'
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Post by matisse on Mar 26, 2007 23:38:17 GMT -5
I wonder how much of that comes from being disabled all of your life. I suppose I am a bit schizo in the sense that although I have been in a chair for many years, there is still a fairly big gap between the way I perceive myself and the way others perceive me. I do sense pity, and "at least I'm not disabled" type of reactions. But I have never felt that others think they are "superior" to me, not in the sense of "I am better than you."
But maybe I just have a big head.
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Post by cabdy on Mar 26, 2007 23:58:59 GMT -5
i really don't feel superior just for being an AB, but even though i can't understand what you feel I DO know we are the same, some are standing some are sitting, but in the end we all can feel, love, laugh or cry, don't give up. There's a beautiful world out there !!! ;D
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