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Post by Melina26 on Dec 12, 2015 16:53:26 GMT -5
Hey girls! I have a question for you: I´ve been seeing all these pics of my boy pre accident and in other stages of being paralyzed, and it occurred to me that I find it so hot and FASCINATING how the body slowly transforms after a SCI. The forms it had before, then the first years of being paralyzed and how different it is now that he has been a C4 for 10 years. The legs, how they shrink, the arms sort of disappear, they get so skinny...while the belly gets big and soft, the hands tend to close, the bonny chest and small bonny shoulders, the face... I love the way he is now, and I was just wondering how its something so AGGRESSIVE and so BEAUTIFUL at the same time, really fascinating to see that transformation! him being a C4, its the entire body that transforms and there is so much to look at and admire, and that is what I find so attractive, but I also wanted to hear the perceptions of low quad and para devs. Have you ever wondered about that?  What do you think of before/ right after injury/ some time after/ long time after pics of your SOs? ** I dont want to be exclusive of amp devs or devs of other disabilities, but i dont know if some other condition may bring this same feeling of seeing this transformation taking place slowly... if you do have something to add, please feel free to do so!!  |
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Post by Maurine on Dec 12, 2015 20:31:47 GMT -5
A few years before his accident, my bf was pretty strong and athletic. I think about two years before his accident he moved to his grand-parents' house, where he got lots of food all the time, which resulted in him becoming slightly big. After his accident he lost a lot of weight after a while and then regained a little bit of it. This is one reason why his old wheelchair, which is now his secondary chair, is considerably wider than his newer chair. If you don't look at the details, his body looks pretty normal and rather slim.
He acquired a bit of a quad belly over the time, but it also somewhat decreased in size again after doing exercises with his physiotherapist over the months and years. Being incomplete, he's still got limited control over his upper body.
His arms are skinnier than they used to be, but they're also slowly becoming more muscular again. I wish he did more workout because I do like strong-looking upper arms.
I can't really tell from his old photos, but his neck and shoulders might even have become stronger. I like his strong neck with its two long surgery scars.
I don't know how much bigger his legs used to be, but they still look similar to regular legs due to spasms. His feet look like typical SCI feet.
There are also lots of interesting details indirectly resulting from his injury like the thick skin on his elbows.
I used to be highly interested in "before injury" and "after injury, before our relationship" photos, but I don't fully enjoy looking at them anymore. I would have liked to know him at that time and actually witness all the change. Looking at these photos reminds me of the fact that I didn't. I don't mind looking at pictures of him as a young boy, though. It's actually funny, there are photos of him at maybe a year old, where he's wearing exactly the same facial expression that he's still wearing now sometimes.
Actually, disability-related change of any kind is a big part of my devness. I'm not so much into the sort of change that goes in one direction only, from AB to more and more disabled or disabled-looking. I like combinations like a physically fit AB acquiring an SCI and rebuilding strength afterwards or even getting stronger arms than before, while other body parts like feet show more and more that they haven't been used in a while.
I'm also interested in the perspective of devs of other disabilities. Progressive diseases probably also go with significant changes to what the body looks like.
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Post by Ath on Dec 12, 2015 22:55:02 GMT -5
What I liked most about your description is how happy it makes you. It becomes obvious what you love =)
It is difficult to talk about md. I do like the lack of muscle tone, the bony parts of the body, contractions and so on, it is very fascinating. To help finding new solutions is something I like, but mostly I wish it would stop.
This reminds me about this guy from school with f. ataxia. He didn't get sick until he was a teen, then boom. After a few years he was a wreck, unfit, no coordination of limbs, difficulties speaking etc. The he started exercising and is now super fit. He can't walk, but his coordination is so much better and most of all he feels that he is healthy. That kind of transformation is fascinating, and it is positive -that just doesn't happen if you have sma or dmd.
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Post by Emma on Dec 12, 2015 23:41:43 GMT -5
I used to be highly interested in "before injury" and "after injury, before our relationship" photos, but I don't fully enjoy looking at them anymore. I would have liked to know him at that time and actually witness all the change. Looking at these photos reminds me of the fact that I didn't. That's interesting Maurine. I like seeing pics of my husband from before I knew him. We met 2 years after his injury when he was mostly acclimated to his new life. I missed all the figuring out, adjusting, trying proshetics, and gaining strength. I love to hear about those times and see pictures, but also hate that I wasn't there to help him through it. Thanks for trying to include us amputee devs Melina! I found a place I could contribute to your thread despite not being with a guy with an SCI. |
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Post by Melina26 on Dec 13, 2015 15:19:13 GMT -5
A few years before his accident, my bf was pretty strong and athletic. I think about two years before his accident he moved to his grand-parents' house, where he got lots of food all the time, which resulted in him becoming slightly big. After his accident he lost a lot of weight after a while and then regained a little bit of it. This is one reason why his old wheelchair, which is now his secondary chair, is considerably wider than his newer chair. If you don't look at the details, his body looks pretty normal and rather slim. He acquired a bit of a quad belly over the time, but it also somewhat decreased in size again after doing exercises with his physiotherapist over the months and years. Being incomplete, he's still got limited control over his upper body. His arms are skinnier than they used to be, but they're also slowly becoming more muscular again. I wish he did more workout because I do like strong-looking upper arms. I can't really tell from his old photos, but his neck and shoulders might even have become stronger. I like his strong neck with its two long surgery scars. I don't know how much bigger his legs used to be, but they still look similar to regular legs due to spasms. His feet look like typical SCI feet. There are also lots of interesting details indirectly resulting from his injury like the thick skin on his elbows. I used to be highly interested in "before injury" and "after injury, before our relationship" photos, but I don't fully enjoy looking at them anymore. I would have liked to know him at that time and actually witness all the change. Looking at these photos reminds me of the fact that I didn't. I don't mind looking at pictures of him as a young boy, though. It's actually funny, there are photos of him at maybe a year old, where he's wearing exactly the same facial expression that he's still wearing now sometimes. Actually, disability-related change of any kind is a big part of my devness. I'm not so much into the sort of change that goes in one direction only, from AB to more and more disabled or disabled-looking. I like combinations like a physically fit AB acquiring an SCI and rebuilding strength afterwards or even getting stronger arms than before, while other body parts like feet show more and more that they haven't been used in a while. I'm also interested in the perspective of devs of other disabilities. Progressive diseases probably also go with significant changes to what the body looks like. Sometimes it saddens me too to look at hospital or right after hospital pics and realize what I missed and how I wanted to have been there to see all stages in person. But still, I like looking at them. |
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Post by Melina26 on Dec 13, 2015 15:41:53 GMT -5
My experience is slightly different. At first I thought I didn't really relate, but I guess I do if I look at it a different way. I do like the before and after pictures! The before is always a reminder to me that something very traumatic happened more than the physical reminders of what changed. And I've never really felt sad that I wasn't there for him when he was injured. More the opposite really- I'm glad I wasn't there, because I know he pushed a lot of people away at that time. But- I have recently realized that I have been watching his body change since I've met him 17 yrs ago. I'm getting to see the aging and effects that Sci has over a long period of time, and it's interesting to think about. His legs are much more atrophied than they were when we met. He has much more contracture in his knees and hips, where they used to be fairly straight. His shoulders are starting to round and he's hunching over much more, and his posture is taking its toll. He's lost a lot of flexibility in his arms, and can't even straighten his arms completely at the elbow out for some reason. His mobility in general has declined. He's sore and his shoulders, elbows, and wrists hurt a lot, which keeps him less active. He's 27 yrs post injury now. As for the not being there for his initial injury/rehab, I've realized that I never really had a chance to wonder about that, because we were thrown into plenty medical/disability early on in our relationship. So I've actually been there for the majority of those other times, and I am SO glad that I was. I look at his body now, and he has so many scars, so many remnants from multiple surgeries, and I like that I was there for them. The only scar I wasn't there for was the first from the rods being out in his back. But there is now a much bigger scar covering that one that I was there for. Along with several others. So I don't really feel like I missed out, because I was a very key player in all those other scars that he got, and was there for him in times that he needed someone in his corner. Those tough times brought us closer together for sure. Two things you mentioned: Seeing the before pics and thinking about the trauma. I look at him so young, beautiful boy, a future ahead of him...i start getting sad for what happened and feel some guilt. Then, I start to think about how now I get to be the one to make him happy, and enjoy the experience all over again. Then, I sometimes really wonder about what his body may be like 10 years from now, if we are still together. Not only looks, but also what other complications may appear. May I ask you, you think you like his body now even more than when you met? |
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Post by ichbin on Oct 21, 2022 9:09:34 GMT -5
I have not seen pics of my partner pre-accident. I think it would be difficult for me, as I know he wished so much this accident hadn't happened.
Regarding his body: I love that his legs and his butt are skinny, and I like also like his belly (the exact features he doesn't like about himself), and I love his strong shoulders, arms and hands.
I believe that, in an earlier stage of his life / injury, I would not have been so much into his body. When a person is paralyzed just recently, their body looks more AB, and I think I wouldn't like that so much also because of more Dev guilt.
Also, if someone has many years or even decades of a life as a para behind him, they are somewhere else personal-wise. I think it just takes time to overcome the trauma.
What I think can get problematic as he gets older (mid-fifties now) is that he might get shoulder issues... Other than that I don't think his looks will change, since he has been paraplegic for over 30 yrs already.
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Post by ayla on Oct 21, 2022 9:28:58 GMT -5
I completely agree with you ichbin (and I love your new profile pic, too...swooon)! Those changes to the body are an absolutely critical piece of the attraction for me. This is exactly why I don't find injured ABs attractive, or role players, or pretenders...anything like that. It's not the injury; it's the adaptation TO the injury (or limitation, but I'm mainly an SCI girl). Some AB male model sitting in a hospital chair does nothing for me. I need to see how the man has pushed through (see what I did there?) his circumstances and how that's reflected in the way he moves and how his body is shaped. The overdeveloped areas that compensate for paralysis are just as important as the effects of paralysis. So too are the skills acquired. |
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Post by Dani on Oct 21, 2022 19:08:52 GMT -5
An interesting, resurrected thread.
I've never thought too much about the change in the body after an SCI, but I've always had a fascination with the interruption of communication between the brain and the affected limbs depending on the level of SCI, of course. I am simultaneously fascinated and shocked at this physiological event which in turn fascinates me about the guys with the SCI. The lack of mobility/not walking anymore because the communication from the brain to the limbs is compromised has an incredible pull on me.
Every time I try to figure it out or analyze myself, I always end up back at the non-functioning legs that trigger a lot for me regarding my devness. It's also one of those things; I am not an amputee dev; I want the non-functioning legs attached to the guy, which was always interesting for me. Amputees don't trigger anything at all for me; they're just regular guys for me. I think I could find it devy in some instances, but it doesn't affect me as much as an SCI guy.
It's also interesting that I actually enjoy male legs, even if they're functioning. Like, in the summer or in the gym, I check out guy's legs. What I don't find sexy at all, though, is flip-flops, sliders, Crocs, or something on guys. Isn't that weird too?
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Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2022 4:23:17 GMT -5
[...] I think it would be difficult for me, as I know he wished so much this accident hadn't happened. Regarding his body: I love that his legs and his butt are skinny, and I like also like his belly (the exact features he doesn't like about himself), and I love his strong shoulders, arms and hands. Also, if someone has many years or even decades of a life as a para behind him, they are somewhere else personal-wise. I think it just takes time to overcome the trauma. [...] It's very interesting to see that some of us kind of understand (in part) which things and parts do attract us. For me it is all a handful of contradictions and changing things which I find hard to separate. Why do I like this specific thing on this specific person? Would I like this person if...? Would I have liked this person before...?.
From your first lines I see you maybe have some sort of curiosity but you also understand that people react different to themselves before the life changing event. The fact that it would affect you shows, that you really care for him and that's wonderful. I mean... when somebody puts his/her own curiosity/satisfaction over the feelings of her/his partner, it means that there is something (slightly?/from time to time?) stronger than what he/she may feel for her/him. Glad to hear you are that sensitive ;-).
I'm not sure everybody would need years to overcome a trauma... if there is any. I certainly would need a whole life to do so, no question. But I know at least two persons who dindn't have such thing what so ever. They just realized the situation and thought: "OK, this is really shit, but what can I do? Nothing. So... let's live life". I admire that because indeed, not everybody can do that. In any case... as a dev, we don't how big is the bag someone is carrying and how long he/she has been carrying it. So... I agree that it's always better to be careful.
By the way... I also love the avatar! That's a real statement.
P.S.: If I'm not wrong, you guys are active in wheelchair basketball. I haven't been active for a long while but I wonder if he and me might have played against each other in the past  . LOL that would be funny. |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 23, 2022 5:23:27 GMT -5
[...]I've never thought too much about the change in the body after an SCI, but I've always had a fascination with the interruption of communication between the brain and the affected limbs depending on the level of SCI, of course. I am simultaneously fascinated and shocked at this physiological event which in turn fascinates me about the guys with the SCI. The lack of mobility/not walking anymore because the communication from the brain to the limbs is compromised has an incredible pull on me. Every time I try to figure it out or analyze myself, I always end up back at the non-functioning legs that trigger a lot for me regarding my devness. It's also one of those things; I am not an amputee dev; I want the non-functioning legs attached to the guy, which was always interesting for me. Amputees don't trigger anything at all for me; they're just regular guys for me. I think I could find it devy in some instances, but it doesn't affect me as much as an SCI guy. It's also interesting that I actually enjoy male legs, even if they're functioning. Like, in the summer or in the gym, I check out guy's legs. What I don't find sexy at all, though, is flip-flops, sliders, Crocs, or something on guys. Isn't that weird too? I absolutely agree. I've been trying to explain to myself why it isn't just the body or just the personality or just one specific thing that attracts me. In fact, as you say... it is an intersection of pretty much everything. I guess it would be easier for me to cope with my devness if this "psycological" component wasn't there. It is also somehow strange that I know the theory by heart but still my mind keeps thinking about things like the lack of communication between the limbs and the brain.
I also feel that way about the specificity of my devness. It's strange for me to hear a fellow dev talking about a wide range of attractions while I just have the one you described. I always think to myself... am I an exception to the exception of a minority in a minority? LOL.
It's also strange for me that I fascinated by everything that involves lower limb paralysis, but... at the beginning I didn't like that much skinny legs. I'd say I still have some preference for normal looking legs with flaccid muscles but over the time, it was me extending my preference rather than somebody's body transforming.
A weird thing is that I feel attracted to some people I definetely would not if they were ABs. BUT... after knowing a PWD and start interacting with him, I almost uncounsciously figure out how this person would be as an AB and unter THIS particular condition... I'd still be attracted to that person.
I'm also confused by the fact that I apparently like the opposite things in PWDs and ABs. Like for example I like somebody's booty and how the legs look like from behind. This is not exactly what I use to see when someone is sitting the whole time, right? I like muscular legs on ABs but prefer flaccid legs on a PWD.
Unsolved mysteries.
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. LOL that would be funny.